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so confused and sad

Posts: 25
Joined: Sep 2010

hi everyone i have never posted here before i only have posted in the lung cancer forum. my 38 year old husband is battling small cell lung cancer he was diagnosed august 2010 he is doing ok he is on a clinical trial that is helping him he had 3 spots on his liver as well as his lungs that are all getting smaller however the medication makes him sick he is experiencing alot of pain all over his body which is a side effect as well as diarhhea and nausea he has lost a tremendous amount of weight while on this medication. we currently live with my elderly parents but other than them i have NO support at all my friends have all moved away and most of us have lost contact. i tried getting counseling and the counselor told me to prepare for my husbands death. i left and never went back i am so lost and confused and overwhelmed with sadness and i dont know what to do? just thought i would try coming here for some support thanx tracy

grandmafay's picture
Posts: 1639
Joined: Aug 2009

Welcome to the board none of us ever wanted to be a part of. I was the caregiver for my husband for six years before he lost his battle to colon cancer. The counselor was wrong. There is no way any of us can ever really prepare for a loved one to die. In your case, it was even more inappropriate. Hope keeps us going through the difficult times. Your husband is on a new drug that brings you that very realistic hope that it will be successful in combating this disease. My husband lived longer than anyone expected him to. Yours may very well beat this terrible disease. New treatments and protocols are constantly being discovered. Many of us here have been where you are. I hope you find the support you need. Take care, Fay

luz del lago's picture
luz del lago
Posts: 452
Joined: Jul 2010

I am so sorry to see that you are going through this, as well as your beloved husband. You know, my therapist told me the same thing. I was angry, as she told me this as soon as he was diagnosed!

I fought it, I told her she was wrong! In the end, she wasn't. But not because she said so, but because it was the will of a greater Being.

That being said, none of us know what the future holds. We can only live today.

In June of 2010, I came to this board. I was greeted with compassion and understanding. I could not have gone through what I went through without the wonderful support of the folks here!

The most valuable lesson I came away with through my journey was: Give all you can, take what love is given to you, and know that you are blessed in all of this! There will be times you question it all, and that is okay.

That you came here shows your strength and your desire to be a "warrior" for your husband. What more could anyone ask for?

Take care, and come here often.


ButterflyLake's picture
Posts: 44
Joined: May 2011

Your counselor may have had good intentions. But if she or he didn't work for you, please keep your heart open to look for another when you're ready. They can be invaluable if you click. It is so beneficial for me to have a neutral, not-family-member, not-friend, sounding board.

Even if you have no day-to-day support (I don't either!), you are not alone. I'll be thinking of you!

Tethys41's picture
Posts: 1222
Joined: Sep 2010

There is an organization that can match you up with a volunteer who has experienced a similar position to the one you are in:
The volunteers are very compassionate and may be able to give you some of the support you so desperately need.

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