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Spirit Island
Posts: 4
Joined: May 2011

Eleven years ago my wife was diagnosed with soft tissue leiomyosarcoma. Her survival rate at that time was 14 percent. After eighteen major surgeries, many chemotherapies,many radiation treatments, and other treatments she is still alive and fighting.
After this last surgery on May 5th though I am begining to see the end because of the toll cancer has taken on her body and mind. She is getting tired of this fight and I am as a caregiver. I looked at the caregivers information on this website and I am exhibiting most of the negative behaviors. Perhaps I should have asked for help from family earlier instead of thinking we could do everything ourselves. I tend to feel better when I am at work and distracted but now I sometimes dread going home.
I do want to continue to be a good caregiver to my wife. We have been together for thirty-three years, since we were eighteen. The problem is that I am afraid of failing now because of the mental and physical toll this is now taking on me.

angelyn's picture
Posts: 51
Joined: Jan 2011

I think that what you are feeling is what a lot of us feel when we are taking care of someone with cancer. All you want is for that person to get better and live a good life. Our lives are certainly not normal and work is probably as close as you can get. Just give yourself a break. We can't always be upbeat and in control. Believe me, I know. Maybe the time is now to ask for help that you didn't ask for before, espcially if she is getting tired also. Let other members in your family help you. You have done this on your own for a long time, there is no shame in asking others for the help that you need. Just remember, you can't take care of someone else if you are physically and mentally exhausted. There are also agencies that can come in such as home health and give you a break. You always have friends here also if you just want to talk. Don't be discouraged. I know that sometimes life is tough, but you can get through it.

Spirit Island
Posts: 4
Joined: May 2011


I would like to thank you for those very kind words. I have already taken your advice and am going to spend the weekend with my brother and his family and have some of her family keeping an eye on her this weekend. I hope all goes well and there are no emergencies but if there are I know someone will be there. I wish I had known about this website and caregiver network years ago!!

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