Severe Grief

I cannot believe the amount of grief I am experiencing over my wifes cancer. It just doesn't seem to stop. However I do need to cope with it to look after her and my children without doing anything stupid due to the extreme emotions I am going through.

My wife was driving a car little more than 4 weeks ago. Today she is almost comatose and immobile. How come this has happened? What did I do to deserve it? What did my wife do to deserve it? What do I do next?

I am in real need of support so feel free to PM me and offer advice as to how this can be handled.


  • lovingwifedeb
    lovingwifedeb Member Posts: 183
    You Are Not Alone
    No one touched by cancer deserves it's attach, it's mission is to destroy. I'm hoping by now your family is involved with other help of some sort? I certainly know first hand how hard it is to ask for it... how hard it is to watch your soulmate losing ground, how helpless you feel in the this battle. Is it time for Hospice? Coma tells me it might be?

    I just lost my husband May 27th to melanoma after his battle of 1 year, my mother 2 weeks before him to lung cancer. I am living in a Black Hole right now... Busy during the day, too quiet at night. There are lots of stories here to read, to get strength from, please don't feel alone. I know that I will somehow use my anger to heal as my husband lived with such patience and humor. He would not want me to suffer anymore from this monster that "we" have been living with for the past year in his name.

    Peace to you and your family.
  • david54
    david54 Member Posts: 164
    I am so sorry for what you
    I am so sorry for what you are having to experience. I remember when my wife was first diagnosed, I felt as if I had been hit by a baseball bat from behind and left unconscious but the pain was still present. I wish I had words of wisdom. All I can say is that life is good, it is to be cherished, yet it is amazingly cruel and unfair as well. My wife was running half marathons with me right before she was diagnosed. She lived another two and a half years but it was agonizing. I hear your agony, I’ve been there and I am here for support.
  • Beckymarie
    Beckymarie Member Posts: 357
    You've done nothing to
    You've done nothing to deserve this. I too have asked so many times "why us, why me?" It is the crappy, lousy part of life and it sucks. I guess there is no point in asking why or how, it just is. My husband died one year from today from brain cancer. Throughout the day, I often thought about where we were and what we were doing a year ago, sitting around the hospice bed, administering mophine. I hope he is in a better place, at peace. I know he cannot be in a worse place than he was this time last year. Please hold on, try to be strong. You've done nothing wrong, nor has your wife. Life sometimes hands us a bad, bad hand. You will get through this, you will.
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633
    No Fault
    As others have said, no one deserves cancer. You didn't do anything that brought this pox on your family and neither did your wife. None of us can explain it, and those of us here understand the devastation it brings. Extreme emotions are going to surface. That's not necessarily a bad thing. You do need to find ways to deal with them, though. Ask for help. Ask your doctor for the name of a counselor who can help your family through this. There are support groups, too. Some of us have found support from our clergy. Do whatever you need to do to find help for you and your family. They even have special groups for children in some areas. As far as doing something stupid, I'm sure I did several stupid things. We all make mistakes. I think that's called being human. Just do your best. That is all anyone can expect of others and of ourselves. Hang in there. This is a hard road to travel but there is support here and in your community. You are definitely not alone in your feelings. Fay
  • karenbeth
    karenbeth Member Posts: 194
    When my husband was first hospitalized and diagnosed almost a year ago I was absolutely traumatized by the shock of it, I couldn't eat or sleep, lost a lot of weight, couldn't focus at work. As we moved into the treatment phase of things, I went into caregiver mode and I grew able to cope better. I learned to think only of the day (or moment) in front of me--thinking ahead to what might or might not happen in the future was completely paralyzing. That is my best advice to foot in front of the other, one moment at a time. And keep reaching out for support. There are many here who have been through what you are going through.