Forgive me ladies
Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled and grateful to be here after last year and I know this mood will pass. I am 63 so I can't blame my period anymore. I don't want to burden my mom or son with this silliness so you ladies got stuck.
Like I said I just needed to vent. I am an upbeat person who tries not to let life get me down. These feelings could be a result of my being home all week and the weekend losing its significance. I always said Friday was my favorite day of the week but now it is just another day. Maybe that's it; each day is the same.
God what a gloomy gus. Ignore me. I just had to put it in words. I am sure by tomorrow I'll be so embarrassed for this post. Actually I'm embarrassed right now as I decide whether or not to push the button. Oh h*ll I'm going to push it.
Sorry for chewing your ears off.
Have a great weekend.
Karen
Comments
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Dear Karen
I see nothing in your e-mail that needs forgiveness? It sounds like it has been a rough road with losing your partner and companion and you may be a little lonely....Damn, that seems totally normal to me.....I have a spouse and i'm lonely sometimes.....I think social support is one of the most important aspects to life....too much is overwhelming and too little is lonely....it's kind of like goldilocks and the 3 bears....it needs to be right.....A teacher once told me when I was in high school and felt somewhat isolated....go find the kid who spends more time alone than you and you will probably have an instant friend, or I go to a support group if I need,,,,,,,,I even went to a fred Murray Dance STudio 2 weeks ago for an evening as they were having a dancing with the stars night.....getting out and meeting folks is something that might be good for your soul....Please vent whenever....thats what this board is for.....Lisa0 -
I hear yaLisa13Q said:Dear Karen
I see nothing in your e-mail that needs forgiveness? It sounds like it has been a rough road with losing your partner and companion and you may be a little lonely....Damn, that seems totally normal to me.....I have a spouse and i'm lonely sometimes.....I think social support is one of the most important aspects to life....too much is overwhelming and too little is lonely....it's kind of like goldilocks and the 3 bears....it needs to be right.....A teacher once told me when I was in high school and felt somewhat isolated....go find the kid who spends more time alone than you and you will probably have an instant friend, or I go to a support group if I need,,,,,,,,I even went to a fred Murray Dance STudio 2 weeks ago for an evening as they were having a dancing with the stars night.....getting out and meeting folks is something that might be good for your soul....Please vent whenever....thats what this board is for.....Lisa
Dear Karen
I have been thinking about your situation and I am glad that you brought up the subject...how DOES someone find a new companion when you have the spectre of OVCA hanging over their head?
Are you bold enough to try one of those online dating services? I used a dating service when I was newly divorced 20 years ago just to have someone to go to the theater or to see a movie with. That was before the Internet. Although, it didn't get me hooked up with anyone wonderful, I met several guys who helped me realize that it wasn't so bad being alone. Ah well...I was hoping to motivate you to try online dating there.
I can totally relate to the loneliness that comes after we get to the remission phase--I was rarely alone when I was going thru chemo and now I, too, miss the support that was pouring out from everywhere.
If you had not had the diagnosis, would you be retired at this time? Are you inclined to do any kind of volunteer work? I was so ready to be a grandma and none of my children are inclined to reproduce, so I "adopted" a 4-month old "grandbaby" that I take care of one morning/week. Oh the joy of being a grandma!
I am sure you will work this out, you are a smart cookie...vent anytime like Lisa said, that's what this board is for.
Carolen0 -
Hi Karen,
first of all way to go on being in remission still!!!! And thanks for sticking around. Wish we lived closer so we could have coffee/lunch/dinner once in a while.
I hope you can find a "date" for next Friday. Sending warm teal vibes and prayers your way!
hugs,
kathleen0 -
Hi Karen
Please don't feel
Hi Karen
Please don't feel embarrassed by your post - its good to let it all out somewhere 'safe'. Although I am not in the same situation as you (I have my husband) it does cross my mind that as I have the spectre of ovca hanging over my head what would happen if I lost my husband - for whatever reason. Who would want me. Having had a diagnosis of ovca does seem to take a lot of choices away from us BUT we are still here so let's enjoy (altho I am so p***d off with my joint pains at the moment). I also know what u mean about the support disappearing because we are well now, its odd to feel bothered that I'm no longer at the 'centre' of my nearest and dearests minds and I HATED being in that place but now I'm well (apart from the joint thing- arghhhhh) I somehow 'miss' not having it but NEVER want to go there again BUT miss it all the same!! As for the work issue why don't you do volunteer work for something close to your heart, it will give you a purpose again and I'm sure new friends.
I too am grateful to be here but it is hard going sometimes and whatever we say or do out loud we all have that sword of damacles hanging over us - its just how we choose to live before it falls (hopefully a long way in the future).
With ((hugs)) to all my teal sisters.
Michelle x0 -
Thanks for Sharing, Karen
Super that you're in remission, Karen. You sound like the kind of person I'd like to hang out with. You're feelings are valid. Follow your own interests and I think you'll meet like-minded women and men who you might enjoy spending time with. I hope your weekend goes well.
Teresa0 -
I feel your pain
Karen, that is wonderful about your remission. Keep up the good work.
I read your post and thought to myself, I am right there with you in regards to the loneliness. You vent all you want. We all need to get it out sometimes. I too am 63 years old. My daughter and her family live with me but I too don't have that special someone to talk to, to hold me, or just get out of the house with. I worked in HR for many years and I miss the contact with people.
As far as meeting someone, I have given up on that. But maybe you could try the internet. I have always been afraid of that. (I am from the old school) Karen I have to tell you that one of my "high school" friends looked me up. He was emailing me constantly and then I finally told him I had ovarian cancer. Well he made the quickest about face I have ever seen. I should have expected it. But it still hurt.
Wish we could get together and just share our thoughts and vent, yell or scream together.
((((Hugs))))
Linda0 -
Random Ideas
Hi Karen -
It's very healthy for you to voice frustrations and desires. Being homebound (day in, day out) is depressing. Trying to schedule a lunch or an outing with someone is nice, but the sense I get from your post is that you are wanting to build a broader network of friends, and add more structure and variety to your week.
Here are some suggestions for meaningful ways to fill the extra time on your hands and be around people more often. I can't remember where you live, so not all these options may be realistic. But, one idea might lead you to think of another that would work for you. These are all things that my friends and/or I have done in the Dallas area.
+ Church (singles groups, learning opportunities)
+ Meetup.com has many special interest/social groups
+ Senior center has many daily activities (outings, crafts, games, exercise clases)
+ Join a book club
+ Get a plot and volunteer in a community garden
+ Join a cooking group and/or wine tasting group
+ Volunteer for a performing arts organization (volunteer ushers attend performances free)
+ Volunteer at a local elementary school
+ Volunteer at the library
+ Ballroom dancing groups for seniors meet several week nights, early in the evening
+ Take an art or photography class
+ Take a class at a community college
+ Work with a mentoring organization (Big Brothers/Big Sisters, Girl Scouts)
+ Volunteer at the hospital where you were treated
If you pick two or three things, you'll soon have a several "communities" of new friends with common interests.
I'm single too, and haven't had a date since my diagnosis. You are probably correct in saying that the chance of finding a new love is slim, so trying to pursue a dating relationship might stir up hurt and/or frustration. But, if you get involved in things that include both men and women, life might take a surprising turn.
Cheers,
Kathy0 -
I knew I could depend on you ladiesRookerbird said:Random Ideas
Hi Karen -
It's very healthy for you to voice frustrations and desires. Being homebound (day in, day out) is depressing. Trying to schedule a lunch or an outing with someone is nice, but the sense I get from your post is that you are wanting to build a broader network of friends, and add more structure and variety to your week.
Here are some suggestions for meaningful ways to fill the extra time on your hands and be around people more often. I can't remember where you live, so not all these options may be realistic. But, one idea might lead you to think of another that would work for you. These are all things that my friends and/or I have done in the Dallas area.
+ Church (singles groups, learning opportunities)
+ Meetup.com has many special interest/social groups
+ Senior center has many daily activities (outings, crafts, games, exercise clases)
+ Join a book club
+ Get a plot and volunteer in a community garden
+ Join a cooking group and/or wine tasting group
+ Volunteer for a performing arts organization (volunteer ushers attend performances free)
+ Volunteer at a local elementary school
+ Volunteer at the library
+ Ballroom dancing groups for seniors meet several week nights, early in the evening
+ Take an art or photography class
+ Take a class at a community college
+ Work with a mentoring organization (Big Brothers/Big Sisters, Girl Scouts)
+ Volunteer at the hospital where you were treated
If you pick two or three things, you'll soon have a several "communities" of new friends with common interests.
I'm single too, and haven't had a date since my diagnosis. You are probably correct in saying that the chance of finding a new love is slim, so trying to pursue a dating relationship might stir up hurt and/or frustration. But, if you get involved in things that include both men and women, life might take a surprising turn.
Cheers,
Kathy
for support, understanding and suggestions. I wish I could invite you all to my home for lunch.
I have always been my own worst enemy in meeting people because I am shy. In a group I tend to be quiet which is sometimes misinterpreted as aloofness. I've gotten better over the years but new situations can still be difficult. Once people get to know me they often remark that their initial impression of me was that I was stuck up or mean. I've had a couple of people tell me that they didn't think I would like them. Once I feel comfortable I think I am very friendly.
I have looked at a couple of dating sites since you can only browse if you don't sign up. Believe me it's not about looks but a lot of the men look strange. They have wild uncombed hair, are wearing a goofy hat, have their arms around someone who is cut out of the picture or look like they should be in a lineup rather than trying to put their best foot forward in pursuing a date. I am also old school and want to just "find" Mr. Right or even Mr. Right Now as they say these days.
I have a couple of interest which I am pursuing. I just completed an online creative writing course and I plan to start another soon. I've thought of starting a blog but don't know much about it. Have any of you ladies blogged? I became interested in jewelry making in 1991. Working with beads and even a little rudimentary metalsmithing. I had a workshop in the garage and a cabinet with all my materials. Over time I got away from it but have started it up again. I find I am still excited about it and need to set up my workshop again.
Of course these are soitary pursuits and it is ultimately up to me to push myself out the front door.
Don't get me wrong, I am tremendously thankful to be alive and consider each day a gift. The thought of leaving my family and friends was terrifying. I am not under a black cloud. I am amazed with my ability to put the monster on the back burner. I obviously can't forget about it but I try not to attach emotion to it. I get apprehensive before the CA 125 blood test but when I get the result (good so far) I move on.
Thank you again for your comments. It's so special to have this place to come to and be heard as no one else in my life can hear me.
Love, Karen0 -
Hi Karen. I often feel thekikz said:I knew I could depend on you ladies
for support, understanding and suggestions. I wish I could invite you all to my home for lunch.
I have always been my own worst enemy in meeting people because I am shy. In a group I tend to be quiet which is sometimes misinterpreted as aloofness. I've gotten better over the years but new situations can still be difficult. Once people get to know me they often remark that their initial impression of me was that I was stuck up or mean. I've had a couple of people tell me that they didn't think I would like them. Once I feel comfortable I think I am very friendly.
I have looked at a couple of dating sites since you can only browse if you don't sign up. Believe me it's not about looks but a lot of the men look strange. They have wild uncombed hair, are wearing a goofy hat, have their arms around someone who is cut out of the picture or look like they should be in a lineup rather than trying to put their best foot forward in pursuing a date. I am also old school and want to just "find" Mr. Right or even Mr. Right Now as they say these days.
I have a couple of interest which I am pursuing. I just completed an online creative writing course and I plan to start another soon. I've thought of starting a blog but don't know much about it. Have any of you ladies blogged? I became interested in jewelry making in 1991. Working with beads and even a little rudimentary metalsmithing. I had a workshop in the garage and a cabinet with all my materials. Over time I got away from it but have started it up again. I find I am still excited about it and need to set up my workshop again.
Of course these are soitary pursuits and it is ultimately up to me to push myself out the front door.
Don't get me wrong, I am tremendously thankful to be alive and consider each day a gift. The thought of leaving my family and friends was terrifying. I am not under a black cloud. I am amazed with my ability to put the monster on the back burner. I obviously can't forget about it but I try not to attach emotion to it. I get apprehensive before the CA 125 blood test but when I get the result (good so far) I move on.
Thank you again for your comments. It's so special to have this place to come to and be heard as no one else in my life can hear me.
Love, Karen
Hi Karen. I often feel the same way since finishing chemo. It seems like during chemo I was focused and had a pattern. I sometimes wonder if I would have felt the same as I do now because I also retired just before my DX and can't really separate after effects of cancer from after effects of retirement. I never really got to understand retirement prior to DX. It was only 3 months so initially retirement felt like a vacation. In college people used to tell me the same thing..."you're really funny...we thought you were stuck up!" I do have a partner but we don’t live together because I usually need alot of solitary time. He was very helpful during my chemo and recovery. I live over in Santa Cruz so if you ever want to have lunch drop me a PM. Also some good friends are opening their winery in San Martin next weekend if you are interested in stopping by there with me. Take care!0 -
Hi Karen,kikz said:I knew I could depend on you ladies
for support, understanding and suggestions. I wish I could invite you all to my home for lunch.
I have always been my own worst enemy in meeting people because I am shy. In a group I tend to be quiet which is sometimes misinterpreted as aloofness. I've gotten better over the years but new situations can still be difficult. Once people get to know me they often remark that their initial impression of me was that I was stuck up or mean. I've had a couple of people tell me that they didn't think I would like them. Once I feel comfortable I think I am very friendly.
I have looked at a couple of dating sites since you can only browse if you don't sign up. Believe me it's not about looks but a lot of the men look strange. They have wild uncombed hair, are wearing a goofy hat, have their arms around someone who is cut out of the picture or look like they should be in a lineup rather than trying to put their best foot forward in pursuing a date. I am also old school and want to just "find" Mr. Right or even Mr. Right Now as they say these days.
I have a couple of interest which I am pursuing. I just completed an online creative writing course and I plan to start another soon. I've thought of starting a blog but don't know much about it. Have any of you ladies blogged? I became interested in jewelry making in 1991. Working with beads and even a little rudimentary metalsmithing. I had a workshop in the garage and a cabinet with all my materials. Over time I got away from it but have started it up again. I find I am still excited about it and need to set up my workshop again.
Of course these are soitary pursuits and it is ultimately up to me to push myself out the front door.
Don't get me wrong, I am tremendously thankful to be alive and consider each day a gift. The thought of leaving my family and friends was terrifying. I am not under a black cloud. I am amazed with my ability to put the monster on the back burner. I obviously can't forget about it but I try not to attach emotion to it. I get apprehensive before the CA 125 blood test but when I get the result (good so far) I move on.
Thank you again for your comments. It's so special to have this place to come to and be heard as no one else in my life can hear me.
Love, Karen
I am glad that
Hi Karen,
I am glad that you are doing good health wise. No need to apologize for ranting that's part of life we all do it. I wish I lived close to you so we could do lunch. I live in Florida and it sounds like your in Cali. I don't have all that many people either since all my family is in Nj and I don't have many friends at all here. I also like to make jewelery, but haven't done it in a while. Since my diagnosis i decided to learn spanish so I bought Rosetta Stone. It keeps me busy and I learn so it's just a thought for you. I hope your having a good day today.0 -
You ladies are too sweetjbeans888 said:Hi Karen,
I am glad that
Hi Karen,
I am glad that you are doing good health wise. No need to apologize for ranting that's part of life we all do it. I wish I lived close to you so we could do lunch. I live in Florida and it sounds like your in Cali. I don't have all that many people either since all my family is in Nj and I don't have many friends at all here. I also like to make jewelery, but haven't done it in a while. Since my diagnosis i decided to learn spanish so I bought Rosetta Stone. It keeps me busy and I learn so it's just a thought for you. I hope your having a good day today.
swruns: let me know when and where, maybe I can get a friend or two to go with me.
jbeans888: I speak Spanish so maybe you can use me for practice. My maternal grandparents immigrated from Spain so I grew up learning Spanish at my grandma's knee. You can email me. Funny, I always wanted to learn Italian and visit Italy. I think I watched a lot of romantic movies as a child that had an Italian setting.
Karen0 -
No gus, no glory.
Pardon me but I had to laugh at your "gloomy gus" characterization. No gus, no glory! What I mean to say is that some of us have to get good and down before we get good and up. I think of people like John Lennon who was brilliant and talented but unhappy in many ways. And he channeled his energies into creativity whenever possible. If you like to write like you've shown here, there are lots of online portals like Yahoo! Associatedcontent.com where you can put your experience and emotions into words and have the world reach back to you. It serves two purposes: A place to express yourself and to interact with some really interesting people out there in the world. Facebook is much the same. You'll be surprised what's out there, and who. There's a group called Teal Warriors on Facebook that seems like a great place for women (and some dopey men like me...) to vent not only about ovarian cancer but life's other challenges. Worth a try.0 -
you are a beautiful womanlindachris said:No gus, no glory.
Pardon me but I had to laugh at your "gloomy gus" characterization. No gus, no glory! What I mean to say is that some of us have to get good and down before we get good and up. I think of people like John Lennon who was brilliant and talented but unhappy in many ways. And he channeled his energies into creativity whenever possible. If you like to write like you've shown here, there are lots of online portals like Yahoo! Associatedcontent.com where you can put your experience and emotions into words and have the world reach back to you. It serves two purposes: A place to express yourself and to interact with some really interesting people out there in the world. Facebook is much the same. You'll be surprised what's out there, and who. There's a group called Teal Warriors on Facebook that seems like a great place for women (and some dopey men like me...) to vent not only about ovarian cancer but life's other challenges. Worth a try.
DO NOT PUT YOURSELF DOWN!!! especially about your age or weight. You have been through enough, and you will find love when you least expect it. There are several ways to keep yourslf occupied and meet people at the same time. Go to a ballgame or to the beach. Take a walk in the park. Get yor self a doggie, they are great company to. Stay ned forever..val0 -
I try to make my ownkikz said:I knew I could depend on you ladies
for support, understanding and suggestions. I wish I could invite you all to my home for lunch.
I have always been my own worst enemy in meeting people because I am shy. In a group I tend to be quiet which is sometimes misinterpreted as aloofness. I've gotten better over the years but new situations can still be difficult. Once people get to know me they often remark that their initial impression of me was that I was stuck up or mean. I've had a couple of people tell me that they didn't think I would like them. Once I feel comfortable I think I am very friendly.
I have looked at a couple of dating sites since you can only browse if you don't sign up. Believe me it's not about looks but a lot of the men look strange. They have wild uncombed hair, are wearing a goofy hat, have their arms around someone who is cut out of the picture or look like they should be in a lineup rather than trying to put their best foot forward in pursuing a date. I am also old school and want to just "find" Mr. Right or even Mr. Right Now as they say these days.
I have a couple of interest which I am pursuing. I just completed an online creative writing course and I plan to start another soon. I've thought of starting a blog but don't know much about it. Have any of you ladies blogged? I became interested in jewelry making in 1991. Working with beads and even a little rudimentary metalsmithing. I had a workshop in the garage and a cabinet with all my materials. Over time I got away from it but have started it up again. I find I am still excited about it and need to set up my workshop again.
Of course these are soitary pursuits and it is ultimately up to me to push myself out the front door.
Don't get me wrong, I am tremendously thankful to be alive and consider each day a gift. The thought of leaving my family and friends was terrifying. I am not under a black cloud. I am amazed with my ability to put the monster on the back burner. I obviously can't forget about it but I try not to attach emotion to it. I get apprehensive before the CA 125 blood test but when I get the result (good so far) I move on.
Thank you again for your comments. It's so special to have this place to come to and be heard as no one else in my life can hear me.
Love, Karen
I try to make my own jewelry, too. Maybe I should do that when the anxiety goes up. You can meet people in beading groups and workshops. Local support groups are good meeting places for people with similiar experiences.
I have found one way to make friends in a new community is to just get involved in non-profits. I volunteer with groups that could use my skills, like the languages.
I am just echoing the group. You sound like a fun person to have coffee with.
0
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