PET/CT scan results tomorrow

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kingcole42005
kingcole42005 Member Posts: 178
in Head and Neck Cancer #1
I have purposely been avoiding Cancer Survivors Network website for quite awhile. Quite selfish of me, I know. My only excuse is I wanted to forget everything about cancer, even for just a few weeks. I wanted to pretend that my life was no different than before my diagnosis, and it worked for a little while. Now of course reality sets in and I am going in for my first PET/CT results bright and early 9 am tomorrow. Honestly, I feel like....a person that is drowning, trying to reach the surface to get some air, searching desperately for a life preserver that might not be there. I am so scared to go through it all again. I know all cancer is bad, but when I read up on my type high grade mucoepidermoid carcinoma in the submandibular, I'm just at a loss. My reserves feel used up and I wonder how many of you stay so strong and become better people from your cancer experience. I feel like a complete and utter failure, I should be strong, suffering silently, not letting anyone know what I'm really going through. I have moments where I fool myself into thinking I'm ok. But of course everything is so different now, the moments are fleeting. My biggest fear is not for myself, death doesn't terrify me, but for my husband and children. I do not want to put them through this ever, ever again. So please wish me luck, and forgive my negativity. I know I'll feel better when the results come back and I'm ok. Thanks, Shelly

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  • rozaroo
    rozaroo Member Posts: 665
    #2
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    Shelly
    We all need to take a break now & then! Please don't feel guilty. Different circumstances & situation's warrant it! I totally get where you are coming from as I pretty much handle situation's the same way. I went through a rough time of it from February to April. Kept everything to myself while waiting for scan result's. I was going insane. Ours system here is quite different & result's from scans take forever. Hang in there & try to keep positive.I made sure to keep busy as best I could & would do alot of praying as it help's calm me down. I was more afraid of having to go through more treatment & reliving it all again more than dying from it. You are strong! Just because we falter every so often does not mean you are a failure. We all have felt the exact same way now & then. I know I cannot help it.Believe me it comes with the territory. I will keep you in my Prayer's & wish you all my best Shelly. Remember we are all here for you at anytime.
    God Bless
    Roz
  • jeepman
    jeepman Member Posts: 109
    #3
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    God created you wonderfully perfect and in his likeness
    Shelly,

    I don't know you but I do know the lord. He made us all in his likeness and he never makes mistakes. I immmediately found CSN and am so glad that I did. There are a bunch of folks on here that really care about each other and are on awesome source of support and encouragement. Don't ever give up on yourself or your family. Every morning when your feet hit the floor, no matter how slow, make the devil say "Damn, she is up again". Find some folks that you can talk to on here and make it a place to pour your heart out. Some of my best advice in life has come from people that were on the outside looking in, try it.

    My prayers and thoughts are with you,

    Mike
  • Hondo
    Hondo Member Posts: 6,636 Member
    #4
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    Hi Shelly
    Will be thinking and praying for you tomorrow that all goes well with your PET scan.

    All the best to you
    Hondo
  • Glenna M
    Glenna M Member Posts: 1,576
    #5
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    Shelly
    Never feel guilty about not coming to CSN, I've had to take a break several times in the past 2 years but always come back because I miss my friends and I enjoy being able to help others.

    You don't have to be strong and keep this all inside and suffer silently. We are not martyrs, you need someone to confide in. I don't tell my family what I am thinking or feeling because I don't want them to worry needlessly but I have several friends online who I can e-mail whenever the fears become too great to handle alone. Please find someone you can confide in and I'm sure you will feel so much better. You can PM me anytime if you need to vent or just want to tell someone your fears. I'm a good listener and I know what you are experiencing.

    Will be praying for great results from your PET/CT.

    Stay strong and believe!!
    Glenna
  • luv4lacrosse
    luv4lacrosse Member Posts: 1,410 Member
    #6
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    IT IS OK
    I too have spent far less time here than I used to. I think it is just part of the healing and moving on process. I am back at work, busy at home, working out ETC and this just feels normal to me. I see others who had their diagnosis around the same time I did have all for the most part spent less time on the site VS when they (me) were pretty sick.

    I will always continue to be active on the site, but it will be at my own speed.

    Prayers and a positive thought headed your way for the result you need.

    Best!!

    Mike
  • Skiffin16
    Skiffin16 Member Posts: 8,305 Member
    #7
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    No apology
    None needed...we all have our reasons for being here or taking breaks... I'm sure we all go through similar feelings as you have.

    The forum is here for you to take from it what you want, no participation needed, or expected.

    Best,
    John
  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #8
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    holding good thoughts
    And lifting prayers for good results, Shelly.

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