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trying to stay strong for Mark

KLScoville's picture
Posts: 161
Joined: Mar 2011

Since I wrote last night tears have been falling down my face constantly. Mark is awake this morning and has taken a couple of shots of morphine this morning. I checked his ankle this morning and it seems to have gone down but I really couldn't tell because it wasn't light out yet. Unfortunately he as some terrible involuntary muscle jerking all over (had this for about a month but now much worse). I have laid with him and kissed him and told him that I love him. I know in my heart that he is near to end his earthly journey and going onto the next journey. He wants to get up but stay in bed at the same time. I keep checking on him every few minutes and he is restless in bed along with the involuntary muscle movement. I asked if the morphine was helping (second shot was 15 minutes ago) and he said yes. I know he knows that I love him, and I can't tell him enough today!

Thank you all for the kind words and the blessings!

Thanks for listening!


karenbeth's picture
Posts: 194
Joined: Sep 2010

I have just been through what you are going through now. Just keep telling him you love him.
My husband also had some involuntary muscle movements, was restless, but losing motor function. He was very resistant to getting a hospital bed, but once we did, he was so much more comfortable. In any event, don't hesitate to call hospice for any reason at any time...they were so helpful to us.


KLScoville's picture
Posts: 161
Joined: Mar 2011

Hey Karen

He really doesn't want a hospital bed. He loves his waterbed. He has been in and out of sleep today on the loveseat. He said he was comforable. One time I sat with him as he proceeded to fall asleep, with snoring on my shoulder. I cried the whole time. Being this late he is now in bed. He did have breakfast and dinner and is a bit confused and is hearing things. The muscle jerks are waking him up like before unless it is a real strong one, whole body. Oh and the ankle swelling is gone.

Thanks for listening, gotta check on him, finish picking up and head to bed.


Posts: 3
Joined: May 2011

Kelly, I am new to CSN; my husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 NSCLC on April 8th. I have read your posts and am in complete admiration of how you handle this difficult path with grace, dignity, strength, compassion...and above all, such profound love for your husband. You are an inspiration. You & your husband are in my thoughts and prayers. With care and friendship, Amy

luz del lago's picture
luz del lago
Posts: 452
Joined: Jul 2010


It saddens me that you are going through this. But it seems that you are doing what's best. Holding him, telling him you love him. I hope that you have support near by.

Take care, dear one, and know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.


Glenna M's picture
Glenna M
Posts: 1576
Joined: May 2009

It breaks my heart to read your posts, you are such a loving wife and I'm sure Mark knows how much you love him.

You and Mark are in my thoughts and prayers.

Stay strong,

mamacita5's picture
Posts: 254
Joined: May 2010

Bless your heart Kelly, I am so sorry you and Mark are going through this. You are both in my thoughts and prayers today. Anita

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