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In need of a good friend

michelleb1064
Posts: 53
Joined: Apr 2011

I am 31, single mom of 2 kids. I have hodgkins lymphoma and I have had 9 treatments so far.

Up untill last week I had what I thought was a great boyfriend, who seemed very understanding and patient. Come to find out he only felt obligated to stay because I was dealing with cancer. So now he's gone and I'm having a really hard time. He was pretty much my only friend, since a lot of my friends couldn't handle seeing me sick.

For the last five days I have been having very bad joint pain and body aches. My hands being the worst. I spent all of this time in bed not wanting to get up. Two days ago I noticed that I would just cry a lot and that I was also suffering from depression. I think the thought of "how could he leave me in my time of need" has made the body pain worse.

Today I visited the Dr to get meds for the pain and the depression. I felt so embarrassed that I had to admit the drepression. Has anyone else gone through dression? I know it is just a temporary problem. It was just bad timing on his part, I already have so much that I am dealing with that I didn't need him telling me this now.

Thanks a lot for even just reading. I'm not normally a complainer and I know this will get easier.

Michelle

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3184
Joined: Jul 2010

Hi Michelle,
I'm so sorry you are having to deal with so much. What kind of treatments are you getting? I had CVP-R for my Follicular NHL. I finished 6 rounds in Dec and now I'm doing 2 years of Rituxan maint. Chemo really does make our bodies ache and our joints feel stiff. I still have aches and pains after 4 months finishing up with my chemo. It's going to take some time for your body to heal. I'm glad you went to your doctor about your depression. You have no reason to feel embarrassed..depression can happen and there are meds to help.I'm sorry about your boyfriend, that had to be very difficult to deal with, along with your other friends not being loyal to you. You will find many friends here to give you support and friendship..just keep coming back. Take care...Love...Sue
(FNHL-2-3A-6/10)

michelleb1064
Posts: 53
Joined: Apr 2011

Hi Sue,
Thanks so much for the reply. My treatment plan is ABVD and I'm hoping I only 3 more treatments. I was lucky at first to have my ex in my life. He is a nurse and was the one that noticed the lump in my neck and convinced me to go to the doctor as other symptoms occured, such as very itchy skin.
On another note, the meds for my pains are starting to work. I even felt I could get out of bed this morning. Depression I know will take some time but atleast most of the pain is being taken care of.
Thanks again
Michelle

Faith_
Posts: 56
Joined: Mar 2011

Michelle,
I feel so bad that you have to deal with first having cancer and then not being able to rely on those that you thought were your friends. As Sue stated you’ll find many friends on this site who will be here to help you get through the hard times. People who know what you’re going through and understand.

I am not sure which meds your being treated with but my husband who was diagnosed with NHL, is being treated with Rixtuxan and Bendamustine. He just finished his second round of Chemo and happy to say that he is doing very well. His first round was a little rough, he had the same aches and pains. Had some good and bad days. Together we got through the emotional part of having cancer and decided that life is too precious to waste it on feeling sorry. We've been married going on 40 years and our grandchildren are our inspiration as I’m sure your children are to you. Michelle, stay focused, have faith and you will beat this disease.

I will include you in my daily prayers. God Bless.

michelleb1064
Posts: 53
Joined: Apr 2011

Faith,
Thank you for the replay. I'm being treated with ABVD. I too remember my first treatment. The first 3 days after treatment were ok. But after that it was horrible. I first got thrush very badly and it was the weekend so I sat in pain until Monday. Monday was too late. By then the thrush had made it down my GI track and into my stomach. My stomach was in so much pain for a week or so. The chemo also seems to shut down my bowels which doesnt help the stomach pain. After 4 more chemo treatmnet and getting thrush every time my doctor doctor finally gave me diflucan which has made a world of differance for me. No more thrush! I still get a metal taste in my mouth though, which is yucky.
Thanks again,
Michelle

Faith_
Posts: 56
Joined: Mar 2011

Hi Michelle,
My husbands good days were short lived. He pretty much shut down yesterday, couldn't do a thing. He also had problem with his stomach. I made him a juice drink of apples and pears that seems to help. Now if I could just find something that will help him sleep through the night and relieve the pain in his joint, this would be great.

Hope you get to feeling better and enjoy your weekend.

God Bless.

forme's picture
forme
Posts: 1162
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi Michelle,
Just wanted to say welcome. You are never alone with us. You can ask anything or just share a word or two. Someone will answer you. hang in there, it will get better..
peaceful healing
Lisha

lucyofnarnia
Posts: 4
Joined: Apr 2011

Hey there, hon -

So sorry your fellow was enough of a jerk not to appreciate you. There are some absolute disasters out there, aren't there? I could say you're better off knowing, but I know very well that that is poor consolation. So please let me say instead that I hope you find better - much better - as in someone who appreciates you as the wonderful, unique, strong survivor that you are!

I am a long-term (translation: 23 years) Hodgkin's survivor, 37 years old, no kids, diagnosed just after my fifteenth birthday, and yes, depression has been an issue in my life as well. It can be very difficult indeed. Here are the tips that have helped me with it.

*Professional help: I have done the talk therapy thing since 1999 and have absolutely great things to say about it. It's best to seek out someone with experience helping cancer survivors, I've found, though some are good enough at it to do so even if you're their first survivor client. I have a great therapist now who is one of my best buddies, who really problem-solves with me and lets me vent. Trust me, whether you see a psychologist, therapist, or social worker, it's a good thing if you can do this. I only wish I'd started sooner!

*Journaling helps. It helps even more if you blog online and - in locked postings that only your friends see - vent as needed. I have been rescued from downright suicidal thoughts by my online friends. They have been there for me during my very darkest moments and been sweet enough to offer a flashlight. I don't know what I would do without my online friends. And the record of my feelings allows me to look back and appreciate just how far I've come, and what my reasons are for still fighting, and all that. So yes, journaling is very good for depression.

*Be kind and gentle with yourself, sweetheart. Cancer's rough. Very rough. So let yourself have a good cry when you feel the need. Take a nap if you can. Read a book you've wanted to peruse and never had the time. Watch your favorite TV show or movie. Discover a new DVD from the library or video rental place. Explore the library. Enjoy a bath or shower with your favorite body wash or soap. Buy yourself a favorite treat that still tastes great despite chemo and enjoy, whether that's a little ice cream sundae or a fruity slush or a good bowl of soup from a nice restaurant. I recently was ill and gave in to my craving for a local sandwich shop's homemade sweet pickles. Totally eased my nausea and made me feel much better inside, even though my body still felt pretty awful. (The shop even puts in extras when we ask!)

So it's good to be good to yourself. And it doesn't have to cost a lot (I'm sure budgeting is an issue with trying to raise two kids and get through treatment!). It is especially important that you are kind to yourself given that you are a single mom of two. That's a challenge, I'm sure, and you deserve a break now and again! Appreciate yourself for having the courage to just get through the day! I applaud you wholeheartedly. :)

*I have experienced a lot of joint pain, as infections and systemic lupus in years post-treatment have caused that problem for me. Unfortunately, the best things I've found helpful are...staying as still as I can and not moving around too much...using a walker (borrowed) when it was at its worst...Advil (always, ALWAYS do consult your doctor before choosing an over-the-counter pain reliever; cancer folks on treatment must be especially cautious in this)...and distraction via TV and DVDs. Let me say that it has been a total pain dealing with that, and I wish you all the very best for a speedy improvement.

*Don't feel embarrassed about being depressed. Ever. You have a right to your feelings, and that's that. If you feel depressed, your team does need to know, so you are right to tell them. Totally right.

How many treatments to go? Sounds like you're past the halfway mark, hopefully? :) In any case, please hang in there. I'll keep you in my best thoughts.

Best wishes to you,
"Lucy" :)

Michele23
Posts: 168
Joined: Mar 2011

Hi Michelle,Welcome.That truly stinks what your boyfriend did.Was dating my hubby when I was DX and he had ask me to marry him.I gave him the chance right then and there to opt out.Just knew it was going to be a rough journey and it has but he stands by me.We will be married next month as long as I've had cancer 17yrs.Turned into teamwork thank the good lord.Everyone at some point needs a shoulder or helping hand especially when we're in treatment.Please feel free to come chat with us anytime.Sending you a hug,Michele DX95FNHL3

michelleb1064
Posts: 53
Joined: Apr 2011

Lucy,
Thank you for the suggestions. I have never had depression before. I think it was just too much at once. He left the day after my 9th treatment. Already dealing with kids, work, bills (medical bill esp.), cancer and being sick. I just couldnt take on any more. Luckily I can admit to my self when there is a problem and was able to get my self to the doctor in just a couple of days. I know the depression meds dont work over night but at least the meds for my joint pain and body aches have started working. Taking away at least that has made some what of an improvement in my mood. So does having people to talk to that know what I'm going through.
Thank again,
Michelle

COBRA666's picture
COBRA666
Posts: 2413
Joined: May 2010

Michelle,
I would have responded to you last night when you first posted but had a slight computer problem to get straightened out. Anyway,welcome to the CSN site. I know you do not really want to be here,none of us do,but it is a great place for friends and support. We all know what you are feeling as far as the depression. It is normal for what we go thru. Never feel embarrassed for feeling depressed.it Is an emotion. Usually temporary,but it has to be taken care of and dealt with. Cancer can depress anyone and usually always does. The treatments will wear you out to the point it can cause depression all by itself. The boyfriend taking off the way he did is down right disgusting. Friends turning their backs like they have. There is no excuse for that and its not your fault. Some people don't want to be bothered if something is not right so they avoid it. They leave you feeling like a leper. They may feel they may catch something,who really knows what goes thru their uneducated twisted minds. It may be fear they experience,who really knows. None the less it does not help you any by their actions.The boyfriend,well that is a #1 loser and if you think about it he was never a friend to begin with. If he can leave you like that and when you need him most. You may feel depressiod seeing how he turned out,but in reality you are lucky to see him for what he is. There are afew choice words I would love to use,but I will not.
You will be OK and you will get thru this and you will look back to see how fortunate you are to see who the real friends are. You certainly know who they aren't.
Oh,by the way my name is John and I have non-hodgkins,grade 1,stage 4. I am in remission.

truckingalong
Posts: 444
Joined: Aug 2010

Michelle,

Sorry to hear of your loss of that guy. Glad to hear you feel better with meds. I too had depression and am on Wellbutrin and had talk therapy for 9 years. That helped me a lot. So I have the tools to work with when I get depressed from time to time and able to jump out of those moods.

You are going through the most challenging experience right now and remember it is temporary! I too have Hodgkins. Just had 12 treatments which ended late Jan. of this year. Now I am in full remission and started to feel like a new person. Still dealing with fatique and headaches but that is to slow down and rest. Definitely better than before. So I wish the same for you.

Hugs,
Liz

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