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Sorry guys...

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3184
Joined: Jul 2010

Hi guys,
After my CT scan on Wednesday morning, I just sort of "shut down". I read all of your posts, but just couldn't find the Umph to jump in and respond...felt like my brain had turned to mush..if that makes any sense. Spent Wed and Thurs in a funk, but woke up today and said to myself "snap out of it Sue"...which I did. So..with that being said... I won't even try to catch up on the last two days postings but instead just tell all of you that you are in my prayers and I have a feeling we are all going to be "OK". I think I'll feel alot better come Monday when I meet with my Onc and go over the scan results. The headache, sore throat and underarm swelling are still present, but I'm not going to let all of that rule my day. I love you all and will keep thinking only "good" thoughts for all of us.
Love Sue..(FNHL-2-3A-6/10)

COBRA666's picture
COBRA666
Posts: 2413
Joined: May 2010

Sue,
Hang in there girl its all gonna be just fine. John(FNHL-1-4A-5/10)

dixiegirl's picture
dixiegirl
Posts: 1043
Joined: Apr 2006

It is so ok to shut down. I know exactly what you are talking about. Knowing intelligently that our cancer is one that relapses and actually staring at the possibility are two VERY different monsters. All the doubt and uncertainty comes rushing in from all sides and it's almost like you're drowning.

I do remember thinking after all I just went through are you kidding me? Seriously you just poisoned me for 5 months of my life, took some of my ability to function at least at a normal level, gave me chemo brain and now I am looking at this again? ****

We don't know it's acting out for sure yet, but the waiting is the same game you did before. You would think it would change wouldn't you? It doesn't. It doesn't get any easier at first, although I do believe we can pull out of it quicker.

I do remember shut down mode. It's ok, but glad you are back! You CAN DO THIS!! I kind of feel like Debbie Downer here. I am sorry honey.

Love you!
Beth

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3184
Joined: Jul 2010

NO WAY are you a "Debbie Downer"!!!! As a matter of fact, after re-reading yours, Donna's, Lesie and Lisha's posts was what made me kick myself in the butt and shape up! It's just been a hell of a bummer for the last 4 weeks. First our friend with colorectal cancer died, then another friends mother died, then my issues were lurking in the background, your issues and the other gals...well..man, my brain just literally felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. I just don't have the time or energy to face a new issue...(like Donna said)... Baby Lizzy is coming, our new boat will be here in a few weeks, we have reservations for fishing down on the river...no frickin way am I remotely ready for anything new to crop up. It just all came down on me when I was staring up at the ceiling in the scan lab. I just thought WTF am I doing here again so soon??? Anyways...I'm just glad I always seem to bounce back quick when I get like this, cuz I "HATE" feeling bummed out. I'm good to go for the weekend...Steve will be soooo happy to see a smile on my face..poor guy..he's so patient!
Love ya...Sue (FNHL-2-3A-6/10)

miss maggie
Posts: 929
Joined: Mar 2010

Dear Sue,

WTF. Is your abbreviation what I think it is??? Sometimes it just feels
good to say those nasty words.

Sue, You inspire me. Despite everything you've been through these last 4 weeks,
You are still trying to look forward to the future. Reading your post, you have so much to look forward to.

Give yourself a break. You can't feel good everyday. If you did, you wouldn't appreciate
the good days.

I believe you are seeing the doctor on Monday, April 18? I truly hope you are pleasantly
surprised and everything is OK. From my mouth to God's ears.

God Bless you Sue. I am sorry for all your worry. Love Maggie

COBRA666's picture
COBRA666
Posts: 2413
Joined: May 2010

Maggie,
Don't you know WTF is a medical term used in the medical field as well as other other high class fields that are full of ut-ohs and oopses. Sorta like the governmet term: SNAFU (Situation Normal All F@(ked UP)

hilde451's picture
hilde451
Posts: 229
Joined: Oct 2009

Hello Sue :

I am sorry about your swelling and sore throat. Thank you for the prayers, I pray for all of us on here nightly.
I know we will make it. Please let us know how you are doing after your Oncologist visit. I will be praying all weekend.
I understand how you felt. I have not been on either too much lately. It just can make you feel like you are in a cloud. I know when I first heard my diagnosis in 04 I looked at the dr and thought I was just hearing about someone else. But then had to realize no it is me.
So dear Sue I will be thinking of you on Monday. I just dont feel the same anymore. But then I am 65. So maybe when you are older I think it takes a bit more out of you.
Well hope you have a nice weekend.
Hilde

Michele23
Posts: 168
Joined: Mar 2011

Hey sue,You can have a down day anytime you need one kick, scream, hit the wall -not the floor and you'll be fine.My brain has been out to lunch for some time now.It's so hard when someone you know comes over and starts conversation you don't have a clue in hell who they are.Seems like its happening all the time.Had my Pet/Ct ,brain Mri and knee scan done today.Onc,treatment Monday/Tue.Oh JOY Oh JOY let the fun begin.Hope you feel better.Sending you a great big hug by air mail {of course}.Hope I put enough postage on it.MicheleFNHL3

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3184
Joined: Jul 2010

Hi Hilde,
Thanks for your sweet comments, as with everyone else's. Such a fine group of people to be part of!! My scan results didn't come in the mail today, so now I definetely won't know ANYTHING until Mondays Onc visit. The radiologist had plenty of time to send the results to me, so I'm thinking he held the results until my doctor see's me. Makes ya wonder.."why"??? Well...no sense carrying on about it because it just makes everyone miserable. You take care Hilde, and I'll definetely post the results sometime Monday. Don't know if I'll be continueing my R maint or not, but if I do get the infusion on Monday I won't get home until late afternoon. I'll post then. Love...Sue (FNHL-2-3A-6/10)

dixiegirl's picture
dixiegirl
Posts: 1043
Joined: Apr 2006

You don't know that they didn't not have something come up that took precedence over sending the results to you. :) Don't read too much into it sweetie!

Take a deep breath, stuff a peep in the pie hole and curl up with hubby to watch one of those fantastic movies he brought home to you. I love hearing from you, but definitely can see the stress in your comments.

You will both be fine my dear. I am sure of it. Take care and get some rest.

Talk to you soon.
Beth

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3184
Joined: Jul 2010

You crack me up Beth!!! Steve went shopping this morning and brought home jelly beans and my favorite Hershey bars with almonds, so I'll stuff those in my "pie hole" along with the peeps! Yes..I'm stressed, but it's all do-able. By the time I dig out my summer clothes, I'll probably be too fat to squeeze in them...ha! It's all good girlfriend..just another bump in the road to get over. Thanks for the hearty laugh..you made my day...Love ya..Sue

yesyes2
Posts: 592
Joined: Jul 2009

Sue,

So sorry that you are going through this stressful time. And that your results will have to wait until Monday when you see your Onc. But I love your attitude and the way you look at life. Even when your down you see the bright side.

I'll be away on Mon and Tue so i'll miss your post as I'm not planning on taking my Notebook with me. Needless to say I'll be going nuts waiting to see what happens on Monday. Of course nuts and stressed is my normal state.

Tell Steve that I think he is TERRIFIC!!! My husband has a real long way to go, dang. Be sure to give Steve a big hug and whatever.

Hey, did you see where they now have chocolate peeps? Yum Yum.

Love and blessings to you,
Leslie

Did

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3184
Joined: Jul 2010

YES! I saw a commercial on t.v the other night, but Steve said he didn't find any at Walmart or Bi-mart when he was out today. I told him the next day after seeing that commercial to keep any eye out for the chco peeps. I'm a total peep fan...add a little chocolate and I say "hot damn" bring em on!!!! ha! Love ya peep...Sue

forme's picture
forme
Posts: 1162
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi Sue,
I made chocolate marshmallows once. I wonder if they are anything like chocolate peeps. Maybe if I used a chicky cookie cutter I would have choco peeps!
Just a thought...
Lisha

KC13167's picture
KC13167
Posts: 215
Joined: Jun 2010

What is it? Kellie

KC13167's picture
KC13167
Posts: 215
Joined: Jun 2010

You've been a very funny lady lately! Thank you. We need the laughs. Kellie

hilde451's picture
hilde451
Posts: 229
Joined: Oct 2009

Hi Sue:

Usually I always have to wait till I get to the Oncologist. So if you have and concerns or questions you can ask them then.
I am praying for you and everyone on this board. I know the waiting is horrible.
I think that is even worse then doing the tests.
But my thoughts are with you. I will be anxious to hear from you on Monday afternoon. In the meantime please have a good Sunday.
love, Hilde

JoanieP's picture
JoanieP
Posts: 573
Joined: Mar 2010

Sue you are just a special person. Everyone has the right to have bad days. You are always here for everyone. It is difficult waiting for results. It's amazing as an child I got swollen glands, sore thorats a couple times a year. I guess ignorance is bliss. Try to just tell your self you have an infection . I just said a prayer for you. Let me know. Many people on this site care for you and are praying for your good results.

forme's picture
forme
Posts: 1162
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi Sue,
I so agree with Joanie. You are so special. We are all praying for great results tomorrow. I and many others will be waiting for your post. Hope your having a beautiful Sunday.
peaceful healing
Lisha

dixiegirl's picture
dixiegirl
Posts: 1043
Joined: Apr 2006

Sue, you are the ultimate optimist of the group. I have never seen anyone turn around and see the positive in any situation.

You are my hero :)

Take care and have a great evening!
Beth

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3184
Joined: Jul 2010

Hi ladies...
Today has been a really good day! I finished my "to do" list in the upstairs spare bedroom. It's now officially baby Lizzie's room. Crib, dresser, rocking chair, changing table and cute little pictures on the walls. Took the queen bed out and replaced with a twin for when she gets bigger. The new spare bedroom for guests will now be downstairs off of the family room. It's a tad bit smaller, but will serve it's purpose. My oldest son helped Steve switch out the bedroom furniture and I must say, they didn't seem as excited or enjoying themselves as much as I was...ha!(imagine that)! Anyways...Lizzie's room looks so cute and everything is all ready now for her arrival. I managed to get a few other household chores done, so I'm ready for the new week..."bring it on"!!..ha! Thanks you guys for being so great...let's hope we all have a peaceful week. I'll be thinking good thoughts for all of us... Love ya...Sue (FNHL-2-3a-6/10)

P.S...Thank you too John...you are definetely the "rock". Hope you have nicer weather this week!

onlytoday's picture
onlytoday
Posts: 608
Joined: Jun 2010

Sue,

Just wanted to pop in and tell you that you are in my prayers (as always) but especially for tomorrow's onc visit!! We are all with you, pulling for you, praying and hoping that the monster is dormant.

On another note, no surprise to me you're a peep person! Me too!! Favorite time of the year! A group of us at my church were going to get a group together and drive to the Peep factory together as a field trip! hahahaha Still would love to do it!!

Love and hugs,

Donna

truckingalong
Posts: 444
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi, Sue,

Sorry, I too had been out of touch waaay longer than you and been thinking of you in hopes that things will go better for you. I went back to work 2 weeks ago and just got carried away with life and stuff but you (and others) are on my mind. I told everyone how wonderful and supportive this is for me and would go batty if I did not join here.

My nickname as a child was Lizzie so I had to smile every time you said it!! Send me pic when she will be born.

Love ya,
Liz

dixiegirl's picture
dixiegirl
Posts: 1043
Joined: Apr 2006

What will her full name be?

I am Elisabeth Ann and my mom purposely did not put a z in my name for that reason. For whatever reason she didn't like liz.

I'm curious, is the baby going to be living with Steve and Sue or am I missing something?

Beth

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3184
Joined: Jul 2010

Hi Beth,
Her name is Elizabeth Jo Reid..."Lizzie". No..she will be living with her mom and dad, but gramma Sue plans to have her for overnight visits as often as her parents will let her come. So... she might as well have a room she can call her own. I "might" babysit Lizzie when Jen goes back to work in the fall, but we haven't made definite plans on that yet. I'm still thinking on it. How are doing today? Love you...Sue (FNHL-2-3a-6/10)

miss maggie
Posts: 929
Joined: Mar 2010

Hi Sue,

Isn't it wonerful shopping for a baby again? I did the very same thing. I set up
a baby room for the new arrival. I read your wonderful news about your scan, and
Rituxan treatment. Enjoy what's to come. How about the boat?

All my love Maggie

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3184
Joined: Jul 2010

Hi Maggie,
The boat should get here by the first of May. It will be shipped to the boat dealer we bought it from here in town, and then they have to get it all set up with the motors, depth finder, and all of the other goodies we ordered. Once the dealer has it all set up we can pick it up and take it out for a test run. Yes...we have alot to look forward too this spring... now if the darn weather would just start co-operating...ha!
Love..Sue (FNHL-2-3A-6/10)

dixiegirl's picture
dixiegirl
Posts: 1043
Joined: Apr 2006

I kinda thought I was missing something. I'm sure her special grammy & grampy's room will be a wonderful retreat for her as well as for mommy and daddy.

Have all of your grandchildren had their own room at your house? If you are as good a grandma as you are friend to all of us, they are in WONDERFUL hands.

Take care,
Beth

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3184
Joined: Jul 2010

Hi Beth,
Yes...we have always had 2 spare rooms...one for grandkids and the other for guests or family members. We have an open door policy and never turn anyone away when they fall on rough times. This will be the first time however where one room is totally designed and set up for a baby. I keep peeking in her room and smiling at the new look. It's been 19 years between the youngest grandson and now Lizzy. I'll need to brush up on my baby skills...ha! Steve brought home a case of Huggies from Costco today...man...those puppies arn't cheap! Thats ok though, because they beat the heck out of the cloth diapers I had to use..ha! Yep...I'm gettin excited!...Love ya...Sue

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