Sorry guys...

Hi guys,
After my CT scan on Wednesday morning, I just sort of "shut down". I read all of your posts, but just couldn't find the Umph to jump in and respond...felt like my brain had turned to mush..if that makes any sense. Spent Wed and Thurs in a funk, but woke up today and said to myself "snap out of it Sue"...which I did. So..with that being said... I won't even try to catch up on the last two days postings but instead just tell all of you that you are in my prayers and I have a feeling we are all going to be "OK". I think I'll feel alot better come Monday when I meet with my Onc and go over the scan results. The headache, sore throat and underarm swelling are still present, but I'm not going to let all of that rule my day. I love you all and will keep thinking only "good" thoughts for all of us.
Love Sue..(FNHL-2-3A-6/10)
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Comments

  • COBRA666
    COBRA666 Member Posts: 2,401
    Hang in there
    Sue,
    Hang in there girl its all gonna be just fine. John(FNHL-1-4A-5/10)
  • dixiegirl
    dixiegirl Member Posts: 1,043
    Oh Sue
    It is so ok to shut down. I know exactly what you are talking about. Knowing intelligently that our cancer is one that relapses and actually staring at the possibility are two VERY different monsters. All the doubt and uncertainty comes rushing in from all sides and it's almost like you're drowning.

    I do remember thinking after all I just went through are you kidding me? Seriously you just poisoned me for 5 months of my life, took some of my ability to function at least at a normal level, gave me chemo brain and now I am looking at this again? ****

    We don't know it's acting out for sure yet, but the waiting is the same game you did before. You would think it would change wouldn't you? It doesn't. It doesn't get any easier at first, although I do believe we can pull out of it quicker.

    I do remember shut down mode. It's ok, but glad you are back! You CAN DO THIS!! I kind of feel like Debbie Downer here. I am sorry honey.

    Love you!
    Beth
  • allmost60
    allmost60 Member Posts: 3,178
    dixiegirl said:

    Oh Sue
    It is so ok to shut down. I know exactly what you are talking about. Knowing intelligently that our cancer is one that relapses and actually staring at the possibility are two VERY different monsters. All the doubt and uncertainty comes rushing in from all sides and it's almost like you're drowning.

    I do remember thinking after all I just went through are you kidding me? Seriously you just poisoned me for 5 months of my life, took some of my ability to function at least at a normal level, gave me chemo brain and now I am looking at this again? ****

    We don't know it's acting out for sure yet, but the waiting is the same game you did before. You would think it would change wouldn't you? It doesn't. It doesn't get any easier at first, although I do believe we can pull out of it quicker.

    I do remember shut down mode. It's ok, but glad you are back! You CAN DO THIS!! I kind of feel like Debbie Downer here. I am sorry honey.

    Love you!
    Beth

    No way Beth...
    NO WAY are you a "Debbie Downer"!!!! As a matter of fact, after re-reading yours, Donna's, Lesie and Lisha's posts was what made me kick myself in the butt and shape up! It's just been a hell of a bummer for the last 4 weeks. First our friend with colorectal cancer died, then another friends mother died, then my issues were lurking in the background, your issues and the other gals...well..man, my brain just literally felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. I just don't have the time or energy to face a new issue...(like Donna said)... Baby Lizzy is coming, our new boat will be here in a few weeks, we have reservations for fishing down on the river...no frickin way am I remotely ready for anything new to crop up. It just all came down on me when I was staring up at the ceiling in the scan lab. I just thought WTF am I doing here again so soon??? Anyways...I'm just glad I always seem to bounce back quick when I get like this, cuz I "HATE" feeling bummed out. I'm good to go for the weekend...Steve will be soooo happy to see a smile on my face..poor guy..he's so patient!
    Love ya...Sue (FNHL-2-3A-6/10)
  • miss maggie
    miss maggie Member Posts: 929
    allmost60 said:

    No way Beth...
    NO WAY are you a "Debbie Downer"!!!! As a matter of fact, after re-reading yours, Donna's, Lesie and Lisha's posts was what made me kick myself in the butt and shape up! It's just been a hell of a bummer for the last 4 weeks. First our friend with colorectal cancer died, then another friends mother died, then my issues were lurking in the background, your issues and the other gals...well..man, my brain just literally felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. I just don't have the time or energy to face a new issue...(like Donna said)... Baby Lizzy is coming, our new boat will be here in a few weeks, we have reservations for fishing down on the river...no frickin way am I remotely ready for anything new to crop up. It just all came down on me when I was staring up at the ceiling in the scan lab. I just thought WTF am I doing here again so soon??? Anyways...I'm just glad I always seem to bounce back quick when I get like this, cuz I "HATE" feeling bummed out. I'm good to go for the weekend...Steve will be soooo happy to see a smile on my face..poor guy..he's so patient!
    Love ya...Sue (FNHL-2-3A-6/10)

    WTF
    Dear Sue,

    WTF. Is your abbreviation what I think it is??? Sometimes it just feels
    good to say those nasty words.

    Sue, You inspire me. Despite everything you've been through these last 4 weeks,
    You are still trying to look forward to the future. Reading your post, you have so much to look forward to.

    Give yourself a break. You can't feel good everyday. If you did, you wouldn't appreciate
    the good days.

    I believe you are seeing the doctor on Monday, April 18? I truly hope you are pleasantly
    surprised and everything is OK. From my mouth to God's ears.

    God Bless you Sue. I am sorry for all your worry. Love Maggie
  • COBRA666
    COBRA666 Member Posts: 2,401

    WTF
    Dear Sue,

    WTF. Is your abbreviation what I think it is??? Sometimes it just feels
    good to say those nasty words.

    Sue, You inspire me. Despite everything you've been through these last 4 weeks,
    You are still trying to look forward to the future. Reading your post, you have so much to look forward to.

    Give yourself a break. You can't feel good everyday. If you did, you wouldn't appreciate
    the good days.

    I believe you are seeing the doctor on Monday, April 18? I truly hope you are pleasantly
    surprised and everything is OK. From my mouth to God's ears.

    God Bless you Sue. I am sorry for all your worry. Love Maggie

    WTF
    Maggie,
    Don't you know WTF is a medical term used in the medical field as well as other other high class fields that are full of ut-ohs and oopses. Sorta like the governmet term: SNAFU (Situation Normal All [email protected](ked UP)
  • hilde451
    hilde451 Member Posts: 229
    Scan Results
    Hello Sue :

    I am sorry about your swelling and sore throat. Thank you for the prayers, I pray for all of us on here nightly.
    I know we will make it. Please let us know how you are doing after your Oncologist visit. I will be praying all weekend.
    I understand how you felt. I have not been on either too much lately. It just can make you feel like you are in a cloud. I know when I first heard my diagnosis in 04 I looked at the dr and thought I was just hearing about someone else. But then had to realize no it is me.
    So dear Sue I will be thinking of you on Monday. I just dont feel the same anymore. But then I am 65. So maybe when you are older I think it takes a bit more out of you.
    Well hope you have a nice weekend.
    Hilde
  • Michele23
    Michele23 Member Posts: 168
    hilde451 said:

    Scan Results
    Hello Sue :

    I am sorry about your swelling and sore throat. Thank you for the prayers, I pray for all of us on here nightly.
    I know we will make it. Please let us know how you are doing after your Oncologist visit. I will be praying all weekend.
    I understand how you felt. I have not been on either too much lately. It just can make you feel like you are in a cloud. I know when I first heard my diagnosis in 04 I looked at the dr and thought I was just hearing about someone else. But then had to realize no it is me.
    So dear Sue I will be thinking of you on Monday. I just dont feel the same anymore. But then I am 65. So maybe when you are older I think it takes a bit more out of you.
    Well hope you have a nice weekend.
    Hilde

    Brain mush
    Hey sue,You can have a down day anytime you need one kick, scream, hit the wall -not the floor and you'll be fine.My brain has been out to lunch for some time now.It's so hard when someone you know comes over and starts conversation you don't have a clue in hell who they are.Seems like its happening all the time.Had my Pet/Ct ,brain Mri and knee scan done today.Onc,treatment Monday/Tue.Oh JOY Oh JOY let the fun begin.Hope you feel better.Sending you a great big hug by air mail {of course}.Hope I put enough postage on it.MicheleFNHL3
  • allmost60
    allmost60 Member Posts: 3,178
    hilde451 said:

    Scan Results
    Hello Sue :

    I am sorry about your swelling and sore throat. Thank you for the prayers, I pray for all of us on here nightly.
    I know we will make it. Please let us know how you are doing after your Oncologist visit. I will be praying all weekend.
    I understand how you felt. I have not been on either too much lately. It just can make you feel like you are in a cloud. I know when I first heard my diagnosis in 04 I looked at the dr and thought I was just hearing about someone else. But then had to realize no it is me.
    So dear Sue I will be thinking of you on Monday. I just dont feel the same anymore. But then I am 65. So maybe when you are older I think it takes a bit more out of you.
    Well hope you have a nice weekend.
    Hilde

    Thanks Hilde
    Hi Hilde,
    Thanks for your sweet comments, as with everyone else's. Such a fine group of people to be part of!! My scan results didn't come in the mail today, so now I definetely won't know ANYTHING until Mondays Onc visit. The radiologist had plenty of time to send the results to me, so I'm thinking he held the results until my doctor see's me. Makes ya wonder.."why"??? Well...no sense carrying on about it because it just makes everyone miserable. You take care Hilde, and I'll definetely post the results sometime Monday. Don't know if I'll be continueing my R maint or not, but if I do get the infusion on Monday I won't get home until late afternoon. I'll post then. Love...Sue (FNHL-2-3A-6/10)
  • dixiegirl
    dixiegirl Member Posts: 1,043
    allmost60 said:

    Thanks Hilde
    Hi Hilde,
    Thanks for your sweet comments, as with everyone else's. Such a fine group of people to be part of!! My scan results didn't come in the mail today, so now I definetely won't know ANYTHING until Mondays Onc visit. The radiologist had plenty of time to send the results to me, so I'm thinking he held the results until my doctor see's me. Makes ya wonder.."why"??? Well...no sense carrying on about it because it just makes everyone miserable. You take care Hilde, and I'll definetely post the results sometime Monday. Don't know if I'll be continueing my R maint or not, but if I do get the infusion on Monday I won't get home until late afternoon. I'll post then. Love...Sue (FNHL-2-3A-6/10)

    Wait a sec
    You don't know that they didn't not have something come up that took precedence over sending the results to you. :) Don't read too much into it sweetie!

    Take a deep breath, stuff a peep in the pie hole and curl up with hubby to watch one of those fantastic movies he brought home to you. I love hearing from you, but definitely can see the stress in your comments.

    You will both be fine my dear. I am sure of it. Take care and get some rest.

    Talk to you soon.
    Beth
  • allmost60
    allmost60 Member Posts: 3,178
    dixiegirl said:

    Wait a sec
    You don't know that they didn't not have something come up that took precedence over sending the results to you. :) Don't read too much into it sweetie!

    Take a deep breath, stuff a peep in the pie hole and curl up with hubby to watch one of those fantastic movies he brought home to you. I love hearing from you, but definitely can see the stress in your comments.

    You will both be fine my dear. I am sure of it. Take care and get some rest.

    Talk to you soon.
    Beth

    hahaha!
    You crack me up Beth!!! Steve went shopping this morning and brought home jelly beans and my favorite Hershey bars with almonds, so I'll stuff those in my "pie hole" along with the peeps! Yes..I'm stressed, but it's all do-able. By the time I dig out my summer clothes, I'll probably be too fat to squeeze in them...ha! It's all good girlfriend..just another bump in the road to get over. Thanks for the hearty laugh..you made my day...Love ya..Sue
  • yesyes2
    yesyes2 Member Posts: 591
    allmost60 said:

    hahaha!
    You crack me up Beth!!! Steve went shopping this morning and brought home jelly beans and my favorite Hershey bars with almonds, so I'll stuff those in my "pie hole" along with the peeps! Yes..I'm stressed, but it's all do-able. By the time I dig out my summer clothes, I'll probably be too fat to squeeze in them...ha! It's all good girlfriend..just another bump in the road to get over. Thanks for the hearty laugh..you made my day...Love ya..Sue

    Love the Attitude
    Sue,

    So sorry that you are going through this stressful time. And that your results will have to wait until Monday when you see your Onc. But I love your attitude and the way you look at life. Even when your down you see the bright side.

    I'll be away on Mon and Tue so i'll miss your post as I'm not planning on taking my Notebook with me. Needless to say I'll be going nuts waiting to see what happens on Monday. Of course nuts and stressed is my normal state.

    Tell Steve that I think he is TERRIFIC!!! My husband has a real long way to go, dang. Be sure to give Steve a big hug and whatever.

    Hey, did you see where they now have chocolate peeps? Yum Yum.

    Love and blessings to you,
    Leslie

    Did
  • allmost60
    allmost60 Member Posts: 3,178
    yesyes2 said:

    Love the Attitude
    Sue,

    So sorry that you are going through this stressful time. And that your results will have to wait until Monday when you see your Onc. But I love your attitude and the way you look at life. Even when your down you see the bright side.

    I'll be away on Mon and Tue so i'll miss your post as I'm not planning on taking my Notebook with me. Needless to say I'll be going nuts waiting to see what happens on Monday. Of course nuts and stressed is my normal state.

    Tell Steve that I think he is TERRIFIC!!! My husband has a real long way to go, dang. Be sure to give Steve a big hug and whatever.

    Hey, did you see where they now have chocolate peeps? Yum Yum.

    Love and blessings to you,
    Leslie

    Did

    Choco peeps...
    YES! I saw a commercial on t.v the other night, but Steve said he didn't find any at Walmart or Bi-mart when he was out today. I told him the next day after seeing that commercial to keep any eye out for the chco peeps. I'm a total peep fan...add a little chocolate and I say "hot damn" bring em on!!!! ha! Love ya peep...Sue
  • forme
    forme Member Posts: 1,161 Member
    allmost60 said:

    Choco peeps...
    YES! I saw a commercial on t.v the other night, but Steve said he didn't find any at Walmart or Bi-mart when he was out today. I told him the next day after seeing that commercial to keep any eye out for the chco peeps. I'm a total peep fan...add a little chocolate and I say "hot damn" bring em on!!!! ha! Love ya peep...Sue

    Choco marshmallow
    Hi Sue,
    I made chocolate marshmallows once. I wonder if they are anything like chocolate peeps. Maybe if I used a chicky cookie cutter I would have choco peeps!
    Just a thought...
    Lisha
  • hilde451
    hilde451 Member Posts: 229
    allmost60 said:

    Thanks Hilde
    Hi Hilde,
    Thanks for your sweet comments, as with everyone else's. Such a fine group of people to be part of!! My scan results didn't come in the mail today, so now I definetely won't know ANYTHING until Mondays Onc visit. The radiologist had plenty of time to send the results to me, so I'm thinking he held the results until my doctor see's me. Makes ya wonder.."why"??? Well...no sense carrying on about it because it just makes everyone miserable. You take care Hilde, and I'll definetely post the results sometime Monday. Don't know if I'll be continueing my R maint or not, but if I do get the infusion on Monday I won't get home until late afternoon. I'll post then. Love...Sue (FNHL-2-3A-6/10)

    scan results
    Hi Sue:

    Usually I always have to wait till I get to the Oncologist. So if you have and concerns or questions you can ask them then.
    I am praying for you and everyone on this board. I know the waiting is horrible.
    I think that is even worse then doing the tests.
    But my thoughts are with you. I will be anxious to hear from you on Monday afternoon. In the meantime please have a good Sunday.
    love, Hilde
  • KC13167
    KC13167 Member Posts: 215
    allmost60 said:

    Choco peeps...
    YES! I saw a commercial on t.v the other night, but Steve said he didn't find any at Walmart or Bi-mart when he was out today. I told him the next day after seeing that commercial to keep any eye out for the chco peeps. I'm a total peep fan...add a little chocolate and I say "hot damn" bring em on!!!! ha! Love ya peep...Sue

    Bi-mart?
    What is it? Kellie
  • KC13167
    KC13167 Member Posts: 215
    dixiegirl said:

    Wait a sec
    You don't know that they didn't not have something come up that took precedence over sending the results to you. :) Don't read too much into it sweetie!

    Take a deep breath, stuff a peep in the pie hole and curl up with hubby to watch one of those fantastic movies he brought home to you. I love hearing from you, but definitely can see the stress in your comments.

    You will both be fine my dear. I am sure of it. Take care and get some rest.

    Talk to you soon.
    Beth

    Beth
    You've been a very funny lady lately! Thank you. We need the laughs. Kellie
  • JoanieP
    JoanieP Member Posts: 573
    Special girl
    Sue you are just a special person. Everyone has the right to have bad days. You are always here for everyone. It is difficult waiting for results. It's amazing as an child I got swollen glands, sore thorats a couple times a year. I guess ignorance is bliss. Try to just tell your self you have an infection . I just said a prayer for you. Let me know. Many people on this site care for you and are praying for your good results.
  • forme
    forme Member Posts: 1,161 Member
    JoanieP said:

    Special girl
    Sue you are just a special person. Everyone has the right to have bad days. You are always here for everyone. It is difficult waiting for results. It's amazing as an child I got swollen glands, sore thorats a couple times a year. I guess ignorance is bliss. Try to just tell your self you have an infection . I just said a prayer for you. Let me know. Many people on this site care for you and are praying for your good results.

    Agree
    Hi Sue,
    I so agree with Joanie. You are so special. We are all praying for great results tomorrow. I and many others will be waiting for your post. Hope your having a beautiful Sunday.
    peaceful healing
    Lisha
  • dixiegirl
    dixiegirl Member Posts: 1,043
    forme said:

    Agree
    Hi Sue,
    I so agree with Joanie. You are so special. We are all praying for great results tomorrow. I and many others will be waiting for your post. Hope your having a beautiful Sunday.
    peaceful healing
    Lisha

    Me too
    Sue, you are the ultimate optimist of the group. I have never seen anyone turn around and see the positive in any situation.

    You are my hero :)

    Take care and have a great evening!
    Beth
  • allmost60
    allmost60 Member Posts: 3,178
    dixiegirl said:

    Me too
    Sue, you are the ultimate optimist of the group. I have never seen anyone turn around and see the positive in any situation.

    You are my hero :)

    Take care and have a great evening!
    Beth

    Thanks ladies..
    Hi ladies...
    Today has been a really good day! I finished my "to do" list in the upstairs spare bedroom. It's now officially baby Lizzie's room. Crib, dresser, rocking chair, changing table and cute little pictures on the walls. Took the queen bed out and replaced with a twin for when she gets bigger. The new spare bedroom for guests will now be downstairs off of the family room. It's a tad bit smaller, but will serve it's purpose. My oldest son helped Steve switch out the bedroom furniture and I must say, they didn't seem as excited or enjoying themselves as much as I was...ha!(imagine that)! Anyways...Lizzie's room looks so cute and everything is all ready now for her arrival. I managed to get a few other household chores done, so I'm ready for the new week..."bring it on"!!..ha! Thanks you guys for being so great...let's hope we all have a peaceful week. I'll be thinking good thoughts for all of us... Love ya...Sue (FNHL-2-3a-6/10)

    P.S...Thank you too John...you are definetely the "rock". Hope you have nicer weather this week!