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My mom

mcflii's picture
Posts: 28
Joined: Mar 2011

Hello all. My mom has recently been diagnosed with lung cancer with mets to the brain. She has undergone stereotactic radiation to the brain, 9 radiation treatments to the lung and 1 chemo treatment so far. Well a week ago I went over to her house to help her clean and take her to her treatment. I walk in the door and she is lying on her living room floor. So next thing I know she is in ICU for the next 5 days. Her blood sugar level was over 900 and I thought we were going to lose her. But they did bring her back and she is at home now and now she is dealing with lung cancer that has gone to the brain, all the treatments for that and now diabetes. So she's at home and she is getting better day by day. But she won't atleast try to get up and do anything. The only thing she will do is get up and go to the bathroom or to bed. I know she is still very weak and very frustrated but I just feel like she could atleast try to get some exercise. The only thing she has told me was that she wants to wait till her treatments are over for this month and see what happens. She can be very SNIPPY when you bring anything about it up to her and I don't know if I should keep on her about it or just let her be. She has also canceled her physical therapy sessions as well. Am I being to demanding with her or should I just let it be. Confused in Ohio.

Barbara53's picture
Posts: 658
Joined: Aug 2009

Hello and welcome! So sorry to hear of your mother's failing health. The above post amounts to spam -- sorry about that, too.

I've been caring for my mother for over two years. Her cancer (ovarian) is very slow, so I've watched the drama play out in slow motion. When she began to see that she was getting worse (this winter), she was a volcano of anger and rage, with intervals of depression. I think it's part of the transition process, and deserves some level of respect.

You might try coaching your mom on doing her very best in terms of self care to help YOU out. Being a cancer patient is a hard, hard job, probably the only one harder than being a caregiver. I praise Mom every day for all the things she does to keep her head above water. Good luck!

Posts: 22
Joined: Feb 2011

Confused, It is so hard to see a loved one struggle this way. I went through a similar situation with my own mother several years back...she had always done everything for herself, even after major operations and such. On this occasion it seemed she was almost paralyzed by fear. Although I could see that she was clearly improving not well but getting stonger, but she had become dependent on me for everything. As hard as it was I had to make myself less available in small ways which almost forced her to do small things for herself. Once she realized she could without incident she completely came back to her old self.

Does your mother live alone? Who prepares her meals? Something so small as leaving a prepared meal for her to reheat for herself... something so insignificant can help her regain some independence and overcome fear. A little at a time back away and she may come around.

mcflii's picture
Posts: 28
Joined: Mar 2011

Thanks for your comments! They do help a lot and I will take both of your advice. Thanks again!!!

Tina Blondek's picture
Tina Blondek
Posts: 1566
Joined: Nov 2009

Hello Mcflii
I met you on chat yesterday. I was also a caregiver for my dad. So, I can relate in a lot of ways. You see..the patient is overwhelmed. They have cancer, they go for treatments, treatments nearly kill them, they feel like crap, they have no quality of life, they are scared, they are worried. Imagine all of this on your mind and shoulders? Ugh! I would suggest that you are just there for her. Let her lean on you. Be there to listen. Communication is so important. You might want to start a journal. I did this with my parents after my dad's dx. It helped us. It is a place to express all of your feelings and thoughts. Hope this helps. Keep in touch. See you on chat.
Tina in va

Posts: 8
Joined: Apr 2011

I'm 31 and my mom's my best friend. She and my stepdad live 2 hours south, in Indiana here, and I am not her primary caregiver. She's been in the hospital for the past several days for dehydration and pain. It's hard to look at her and not see my strong mother who can take on the world. She was so medicated she could barely form a word. Now she's eating more and getting a little stronger each day. I can't be there all the time and that's frustrating. It's the hardest thing I've ever dealt with. Her chemo was 2.5 weeks ago and at about day 12 it hit her so hard. She is getting radiation too. It's frustrating to see them struggle and to feel our hearts break. I know that your words helped me feel less lonely so I pray mine do the same for you. It's confusing and frustrating but you're not alone.

mcflii's picture
Posts: 28
Joined: Mar 2011

Thank you iujenny. It it soooo hard to go through this with a loved one. We don't know how it is on them physically and they don't know how hard it is on us, the caregivers. We all just have to take it day by day and be there for them as much as possible. It is definitely a rollercoaster ride and hopefully the cancer will go into remission. You should get onto the chatroom here. It is a wonderful place to go and vent or just joke around. Everybody on this site are wonderful people and I don't know any of them! Stay strong, keep your chin up and don't forget to breath!!!

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