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I Am Just One More Story...

lovingwifedeb's picture
Posts: 184
Joined: Aug 2010

Today I was just looking at the board seeing all the listings and reading over all the titles... I am just one of many stories here. Just another caregiver trying to get by, trying to give comfort to a spouse who doesn't deserve to be treated like this in my opinion. Or... do any of you or your spouses that I see in this list on this discussion board.

It's been a rough week for my husband and I, mind you some of you are in way deeper than we are and I acknowledge that. Some of you have just started your battle and I feel for you, but that's our story isn't it? My husband has finally come to grips with not being able to work which means telling his employer of over 30 years he needs to be on short term disability. The guys have been sooooooo supportive but it certainly has shaken my husband. One more week of radiation and it will be a game of wait and see, more tests and results for brain scans. The doctor has finally gotten a couple of pain drugs to work on my husband's head pain and has added a steroid for swelling. The confused speech and thought process is still in place so we don't know if this will in time go away or not.

So for now my husband is taking naps when needed, and I help him with his emails and reading. His "honey do" list is back up on the wall to keep him busy during the day so hopefully the sun will come back out and warm us back up and spring will finally come out to play.

Family visitors tomorrow, house cleaning... and back to work.

lovingwife to Bob, stage 4 melanoma

mswijiknyc's picture
Posts: 421
Joined: Oct 2010

If you read enough of the stories, there is one common thread here: Love.

We love our husbands, wives, parents, brothers, sisters. We will do everything we can do for them, even if it means leaving them to their own devices because they will not help themselves otherwise. We try our damnedest to keep things "normal" as long as we can for them, because it helps them. We put ourselves last for them, sleep at hospital bedsides, get no sleep at all, don't eat, eat too much, travel as far as needed,

for them. A part of us resides in them. And just as much as they need us (whether it's said or not) we need them.

Glad to hear the honey-do list is back. Nothing helps more than being given something normal to do.

Keeping both of you in my thoughts,

Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi Deb,
I was going through this one year ago. Tom started his radiation treatments and wanted to work so badly. He only went into the office a couple days and realized that he just couldn't do it anymore. Thank God he had alot of sick days built up & vacation time also, so his full salary continued. Only had to do that from diagnosis in January till March 25th though when he passed away. He had worked at his company for over 40 years and was planning to retire last June. I always knew everyone liked him so much, but realized at his wake, that he was more than liked. There were over 400 people that came and many of his co-workers stood and cried. So I knew that I would be able to go on because of all the support that I was given. It's hard to believe that it's been a year and I sat at the breakfast table this morning & cried again. Today it's gloomy, and rainy which doesn't help.
We've all either gone through losing our spouses or else many of you, like you DEB, are watching them go downhill a little more every day. We are strong caregivers though and we stick by our loved ones.
Please know that we're here for you 24/7 Deb, and always have a shoulder for you to cry on if you need it. Take care & I'm thinking of you!! Carole

grandmafay's picture
Posts: 1639
Joined: Aug 2009

Yes, each of us is just one story and sadly there are many stories of those fighting cancer. The most important story for you right now, though, is yours. Take care and enjoy the time together and with family and friends. Don't worry a lot about the house. You have more important things to do. I agree that most of the stories here share the common bond of love. Fay

Tina Blondek's picture
Tina Blondek
Posts: 1566
Joined: Nov 2009

Hello Deb
Just wanted to let you know I am thinking and praying for both of you. I agree with the others, enjoy each day and live them to the fullest. Share your love. That Honey do list is important for him to have. Most cancer patients look for things to do to keep their minds occupied. It is officially Spring, so go out and enjoy! Know that we are always here for you. Keep in touch.
Tina in Va

Posts: 3
Joined: Mar 2011

Thank you for this thread. You are all truly inspirational. I'm new here. My husband is 7 weeks post-radiation for neck cancer and there are days when I feel like I'm losing my mind.
I fluctuate from anger, sadness, euphoria (because he ate one piece of food), exhausted, etc. I don't want to talk to my friends and family because a) they can't possibly understand, and b) I'm tired of being so depressing. It kills me to see my husband suffer this way.

Even though we all have our own story, it's so great to have a place to come to and know we're not alone.

While I've been mostly lurking over the last month or so, I thought it was finally time to jump in and say thanks to all of you for your inspiration.


Posts: 2
Joined: Mar 2011

Lovingwifedeb, I am another loving wife to my husband Mark who was diagnosed with cholangiocarcinoma and then gallbladder cancer on February 9, 2011. Since that day our lives have been a steady blur of hospitals, flights across country, and emergency rooms. I keep thinking that if any man on earth does not deserve this, it is my husband. He is the most loved, kind hearted, generous man I have ever known. He has made me the woman I am which is a much better person than I would have been without him being in my life.
May 3, 2008 I lost my sister to lung cancer. I spent the last 15 months of her life with her leaving my husband behind. He supported my decision in every way. Now I have to watch him go through the same thing and this time I think it will be unbearable. I will stay strong for him and will be there as long as he needs me but if he doesn't make it I don't know how I will possible go on after losing the two people who I love most. I'm calm and cool on the outside but I am SCREAMING on the inside. We should not have to watch our loved ones go through this!

Posts: 221
Joined: Oct 2010

Laguna1, my heart goes out to you and your husband. I lost my Grandfather to cancer (and yes, I was his pet as my siblings always said), I lost my Dad to cancer in Oct. 2001 and then I lost my husband (also the love of my life, my ski and biking partner, and the most honorable person I have ever known) to cancer a little over 8 weeks ago. I know how you feel. As April has said, we fight/fought for our loved ones tooth and nail. This is a horrible disease that needs to be beaten and I am doing many things now to try and do that. I may not be a Dr., but I will do all I can to raise awareness and money for early detection and research to beat this beast. May you and your husband be victorious in this battle. Please take care of yourself too..

Posts: 2
Joined: Mar 2011

Sorry for the pity party I was having. Just when you start to feel so sorry for yourself you realize there are others who have been through even worse. I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband. I hope you are holding up well and are surrounded with the love of family and friends. Did your husband have gallbladder cancer? Please take care of yourself.

lovingwifedeb's picture
Posts: 184
Joined: Aug 2010

Radiation is over... Bob is sporting that glow of too much time spent under rays and a few blisters, hair is falling out and temper is short. I am suppose to "guess" at what he is trying to tell me now when he gets stuck... go figure.

I'm tired.

I'm worried.

I know I'm going to lose it one of these days and it won't be pretty. Everyone around me wants everything to be OK... damn this melanoma.

Legal papers are done, wills, dnr, power of attorney, guardianship, bank, etc. It's all too real and final.

CAT scans, PET scans... doctor visits in April... hurry and wait...

lovingwife to Bob, stage 4 melanoma

dianelynn41's picture
Posts: 71
Joined: Jan 2011

My husband Roby has stage 3 rectal cancer. He's done the radiation/chemo, now awaiting surgery. Dr wants to wait more than the usual 6 weeks because the tumor is still large and he wants to see if it will shrink more.
Roby was approved for SSI this week and medicaid will hopefully be approved before his surgery. But now he's really feeling useless because he can't work and now he's on SSI. His pride has taken a real beating. I told him he's paid into the program all these years and he should be grateful it's there.
But now he's going through a depression stage. Plus today a friend of mine's daughter passed away of lukemia at age 27 so it's been a really sad day.

Thanks for letting me vent so I don't lose it today.


luz del lago's picture
luz del lago
Posts: 452
Joined: Jul 2010

Given all that you have been through, you are! Grumpy, quiet, moody, you name it, I remember Dennis being that way. At that time, after a few days of his mood, I would just join in! Then it took alot to get us out of the "funk"! Usually it was when Dennis would begin to feel a bit better, a little more energy.

Looking back, that darn radiation did a number on him! They tell you that fatigue is a major side affect, but I don't remember hearing how frustration, depression and anger where the side affects of "fatigue"! They would just say rest, take it easy. If only that would have been the solution.

My Dennis was always so animated, talkative, funny. It hurt so much to see the dramatic change in his personality! I would ask God to "give me patience and help me love this man since that day he was not being easy to love".

I know how much you love Bob, and how much he loves you. Try to remember that when he is being "grumpy"... I know, I know, not always easy to do!

Take care, dear one. You are in my thoughts and prayers.


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