My son's wedding

My son will be getting married next weekend. It will be a bittersweet event as his father, my husband's absence will be very much felt. I can't help but picture myself sitting in the front row alone and thinking about what should have been. Trying very hard to be strong and upbeat because I don't want him to look back at his wedding day and remember sadness. I want him to be happy. Will push on and deal with another milestone with my best friend.
Becky

Comments

  • david54
    david54 Member Posts: 164
    wedding
    Hello Becky-I am in the same situation although my daughter is not getting married for over a year. Last month she asked me to fly down to San Diego and help her pick out her wedding gown. It was a strange scenario, a little sad, yet a role I was eager to fill, her mom (my wife) died in July. She tried on perhaps 12 different gowns and the first one is the one she (we) picked out. She is stunning in it. My wife was so into her daughter’s wedding before she died, I was on the computer last night and opened a folder and saw invitations she had made just a month before she died.

    Even though this is a very special day for your son and daughter in-law there is no way his father’s absence will not be felt. There will be tears and that will be okay, denying them makes the situation so much more difficult. I believe there can be tears, sadness, yet happiness and joy in the same breath. I know it will be like that for my daughter’s wedding.

    I don’t know about you, but there is no way I will sit alone at my daughters wedding without someone next to me, a positive female role model of course, but sitting alone would be unbearable for me. I would think that anyone would be honored to do the same for you, but that is you decision for what makes you most comfortable.

    I applaud your bravery and diligence. And congratulations on getting a new daughter!

    David
  • 3Mana
    3Mana Member Posts: 811
    You'll be okay!
    Becky,
    I'm sure your sons wedding will be very hard for you. I know anything I go to alone now is very traumatic for me. Maybe your son could light a candle for your hubby and say a special prayer. I'll be thinking of you!! Be strong & you'll feel his presence.
    Carole

    David, I think it's great that you went with your daughter to pick out her wedding gown. I'm sure it was just as hard for her to be without her mom. Please try and remember all the happy times with your wife and remember your wedding day.
    Take care David!! Carole
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633
    Special Occasions
    All those special occasions are bittersweet. I agree with David that it is better to acknowledge the absence of the loved one and the sadness attached to that. One of the things that has made things more bearable for me is that those around me can talk about my husband. We miss him and aren't afraid to note his absence. When we took a family vacation, it was not unusual for one of us to say, " Wouldn't Dad have loved that?" or "I can hear Dad now saying..." we felt not only his absence but also his presence, if that makes any sense. Both of you are Doing the right things. David, how wonderful that your daughter felt close enough to you to ask you to share her wedding dress experience. What an honor! I only had sons, but really appreciated that one of the future daughter-in-laws invited me to join her and her mother on that special shopping trip.and yes, it is ok to cry at weddings. My husband and both of our sons cried at both sons' weddings. I was the dry eyed one. Go figure. Enjoy these special times. It is natural to feel some sadness, too. Your children will understand. They, too, will feel the absence. They will also feel the love.
  • Beckymarie
    Beckymarie Member Posts: 357

    Special Occasions
    All those special occasions are bittersweet. I agree with David that it is better to acknowledge the absence of the loved one and the sadness attached to that. One of the things that has made things more bearable for me is that those around me can talk about my husband. We miss him and aren't afraid to note his absence. When we took a family vacation, it was not unusual for one of us to say, " Wouldn't Dad have loved that?" or "I can hear Dad now saying..." we felt not only his absence but also his presence, if that makes any sense. Both of you are Doing the right things. David, how wonderful that your daughter felt close enough to you to ask you to share her wedding dress experience. What an honor! I only had sons, but really appreciated that one of the future daughter-in-laws invited me to join her and her mother on that special shopping trip.and yes, it is ok to cry at weddings. My husband and both of our sons cried at both sons' weddings. I was the dry eyed one. Go figure. Enjoy these special times. It is natural to feel some sadness, too. Your children will understand. They, too, will feel the absence. They will also feel the love.

    Special occasions
    Thanks for all your support. We will have a memorial candle for Terry at the wedding with his picture. Also in lieu of favors a donation will be made to the American Brain Tumor Organization. Will miss him terribly but plan on making sure my son has good memories of his wedding day.
    Thanks everyone!
    Becky
  • neverquit
    neverquit Member Posts: 220

    Special occasions
    Thanks for all your support. We will have a memorial candle for Terry at the wedding with his picture. Also in lieu of favors a donation will be made to the American Brain Tumor Organization. Will miss him terribly but plan on making sure my son has good memories of his wedding day.
    Thanks everyone!
    Becky

    Becky, What a great idea and
    Becky, What a great idea and tribute to Terry. May your son's wedding be full of great memories for all of you to treasure forever.
  • Beckymarie
    Beckymarie Member Posts: 357
    Update
    The wedding went well. Once I got through the service and the first part of the reception, introductions and speeches. got into the celebration. My son had a great day and that is what I wanted and what my husband would have wanted.
    Becky
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633

    Update
    The wedding went well. Once I got through the service and the first part of the reception, introductions and speeches. got into the celebration. My son had a great day and that is what I wanted and what my husband would have wanted.
    Becky

    Congratulations
    Congratulations and best wishes to you all. I'm glad you were able to celebrate your son's happiness. I know your husband was there in all of your hearts. Fay
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633

    Update
    The wedding went well. Once I got through the service and the first part of the reception, introductions and speeches. got into the celebration. My son had a great day and that is what I wanted and what my husband would have wanted.
    Becky

    Congratulations
    Double post
  • Beckymarie
    Beckymarie Member Posts: 357

    Congratulations
    Congratulations and best wishes to you all. I'm glad you were able to celebrate your son's happiness. I know your husband was there in all of your hearts. Fay

    Thank you Fay.

    Thank you Fay.
  • Tina Blondek
    Tina Blondek Member Posts: 1,500

    Thank you Fay.

    Thank you Fay.

    Congratulations
    Hello Becky
    Congratulations to you, your son and daughter in law on their wedding! So glad all went well. I knew it would. I was happy to see that you thought of the candle and picture of your husband. Your husband is proud of all of you!
    Tina in Va
  • Beckymarie
    Beckymarie Member Posts: 357

    Congratulations
    Hello Becky
    Congratulations to you, your son and daughter in law on their wedding! So glad all went well. I knew it would. I was happy to see that you thought of the candle and picture of your husband. Your husband is proud of all of you!
    Tina in Va

    I hope he is very proud
    I hope he is very proud especially of his children. We miss him very, very much.
    Becky
  • 3Mana
    3Mana Member Posts: 811

    Update
    The wedding went well. Once I got through the service and the first part of the reception, introductions and speeches. got into the celebration. My son had a great day and that is what I wanted and what my husband would have wanted.
    Becky

    Good!
    Becky,
    So glad that the wedding went good. I'm sure it was hard for you, but your hubby was there in spirit you know.
    Take care & keep in touch! Carole
  • neverquit
    neverquit Member Posts: 220

    Update
    The wedding went well. Once I got through the service and the first part of the reception, introductions and speeches. got into the celebration. My son had a great day and that is what I wanted and what my husband would have wanted.
    Becky

    Becky, glad the wedding went
    Becky, glad the wedding went really well. I admire your dedication and love for your family. And I believe that your husband was there with all of you. Take care.
  • Wangari
    Wangari Member Posts: 19
    david54 said:

    wedding
    Hello Becky-I am in the same situation although my daughter is not getting married for over a year. Last month she asked me to fly down to San Diego and help her pick out her wedding gown. It was a strange scenario, a little sad, yet a role I was eager to fill, her mom (my wife) died in July. She tried on perhaps 12 different gowns and the first one is the one she (we) picked out. She is stunning in it. My wife was so into her daughter’s wedding before she died, I was on the computer last night and opened a folder and saw invitations she had made just a month before she died.

    Even though this is a very special day for your son and daughter in-law there is no way his father’s absence will not be felt. There will be tears and that will be okay, denying them makes the situation so much more difficult. I believe there can be tears, sadness, yet happiness and joy in the same breath. I know it will be like that for my daughter’s wedding.

    I don’t know about you, but there is no way I will sit alone at my daughters wedding without someone next to me, a positive female role model of course, but sitting alone would be unbearable for me. I would think that anyone would be honored to do the same for you, but that is you decision for what makes you most comfortable.

    I applaud your bravery and diligence. And congratulations on getting a new daughter!

    David

    My story
    Hi David,
    I recently lost my mother. Its still such a surreal situation for me. I miss my mum terribly, but most of all, I worry about my dad. Men rarely express themselves and I worry that his grief will one day be too great for him. I've been going through most of these blogs and haven't found a lot of fathers sharing .

    I guess what I needed was to get perspective from fathers on anything we the children can do to make things better.
    Thanks.
    Wangari