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A 'girls' week at the gym ... a look into my life, hahahaha

VickiSam's picture
Posts: 9080
Joined: Aug 2009


.... This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine

Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, I purchased a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
Started my day at 6:00 am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines.. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around.

This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile.
His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other **** too.
Asssssshole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny witch to find me.
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank.
I hate that ******* Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel..
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

missrenee's picture
Posts: 2137
Joined: Apr 2010

That Christo does sound like a real a-hole!

I've been going to the gym for years (I'm not a gym rat though) and can honestly say I've never used a trainer. I like to go at my own pace--not some 20-year-old's! And hey--if I feel like dogging it some days, I dog it. Since I've changed my attitude on a lot of things--I put that into the "life is too short" category.

Think I'll go have a chocolate cookie!

Hugs, Renee

Posts: 137
Joined: Aug 2009

I'm also definitely not a gym rat - I do work out 2-3 times a week for about an hour, but I'm not going to get paranoid about it. Let's all do what we can for our health, without punishing our bodies too much - and let's hear it for chocolate cookies!!

natly15's picture
Posts: 1941
Joined: Sep 2009

Just had 4 hershey dark chocolate kisses and yes I'll be at the gym tomorrow bright and early, but I'm not meeting with Christo that &^%$#(_+@# maniacal trainer!!!!! LOL

carkris's picture
Posts: 4554
Joined: Aug 2009

OMG made my day hysterical!

Marsha Mulvey
Posts: 597
Joined: May 2010

Laughed my a$$ off! Think I'll have a bowl of ice cream to celebrate with you that your week is over. (With chocolate syrup)

susie09's picture
Posts: 2933
Joined: Jul 2009

Vicki Sam, this is hilarious!

Posts: 4376
Joined: Jun 2009

Funny Vicki Sam! Thanks!

Hugs, Jan

Posts: 4376
Joined: Jun 2009

Funny Vicki Sam! Thanks!

Hugs, Jan

SusanEliz's picture
Posts: 46
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi VickiSam,

Thanks so much for posting this- it's hysterical. I'm definitely going to share this with the women in my office- many of us have just joined weightwatchers, but none of us feel up to working out yet, haha!

Best regards,


jessiesmom1's picture
Posts: 869
Joined: Jun 2010

Oh my goodness! That was the funniest post I have read in a while. Definitely brought a smile to my face on an otherwise bad day. I go to PT 3x/week and an exercise class at the Y 2x/week. I feel about both the physical therapist and the exercise class instructor the same way you feel about Christo. Glad I am not the only one.

fauxma's picture
Posts: 3580
Joined: Dec 2008

That was hilarious.
thanks for sharing.

DebbyM's picture
Posts: 3293
Joined: Oct 2009


Posts: 1521
Joined: Jan 2010

The electrician is here and asked me what was so funny. I tried to explain, but men just don't get this very well.

Big hugs,


Angie2U's picture
Posts: 2992
Joined: Sep 2009

OMG! This is so funny!

lynn1950's picture
Posts: 2574
Joined: Jun 2008


Posts: 242
Joined: Jun 2010

Thanks for the laugh. Leaving work with a smile.

Bella Luna's picture
Bella Luna
Posts: 1579
Joined: Aug 2009

This gave me a good laugh! You have a great sense of humor. Thanks for the laugh.

Noel's picture
Posts: 3100
Joined: Apr 2009

What a story! Love to read what you write Vicki Sam! And, it is true! LOL

CypressCynthia's picture
Posts: 4014
Joined: Oct 2009

I had a trainer once and she was clueless. I insisted that I was more interested in getting healthy than looking like I was 20 and she just didn't get it at all. She was much more interested in the body beautiful and I did not like her (my female Christo).

Now I am back to doing my own thing: 15-20 min eliptical and then another 20 min of various weight machines. But many times I only go 1-2 X week; I need to be better. Sigh....

VickiSam's picture
Posts: 9080
Joined: Aug 2009

my gym's programs! I can't physical do it .. so like you, C.C. I am now doing my own thing .. at the gym.

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