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how can i help him

Posts: 5
Joined: Jan 2011

hi everyone, this is such a good site for anyone with cancer or who knows someone with cancer. my partner suddenly ended our 5 year relationship blaming it on the situation and saying things like " i still love you but im not in love with you." 3 months later he finally told me that he had cancer and had started treatment early october. hes been very moody during this time and refused to talk to me about things is this normal ? ( we used to tell eachother everything how ever personal or serious it was.) its been so hard for me to watch the person i love so much go through this on his own , his family live miles away so he doesnt get to see them much. everytime i offer to listen or help i just get " told you i dont want to talk and i dont want or need your help " . i got to the point after christmas where i just refused to have anything to do with him as he was just being so nasty towards me. after ignoring him for a few weeks things seem to have improved slightly and he has now told me that the cancer is in the lower thraot and he has approx 2 months of chemo left.my friends have said that he was protecting me by ending the relationship and that i should just be patient and see what happens so i just want to know if anyone else has gone through a similar thing with there partner and if so whether things worked ok in the end. i would appreciate any advice people can give on throat cancer and how best to be there for him . i just want to try and understand what hes going through a bit more so that i can be more understanding .

mswijiknyc's picture
Posts: 421
Joined: Oct 2010

I remember early on in Patrick's treatment, I posted something similar in the head and neck boards to try and figure him out. Do a copy and paste on the H&N boards or the board where his cancer originated with a bit more detail. Those ladies and gents are awesome and can give a big hands on insight.

Personally, I think he is scared out of his mind and by pushing you away he is trying to protect you. The only help for that is patient persistance. That and treating him as normal as possible. Hubby had a HUGE problem with me treating him "special."

Posts: 5
Joined: Jan 2011

thank you for replying. its so difficult to treat someone normally when they have cancer isnt it ? i find myself trying to think of any way possible to help him when all he probably wants to do is forget about it. i will do what you suggested though and see what happens. ive learnt so much from this site not just from sufferers but from the carers as well and it has beeen a great help and comfort.

thanks again take care x

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