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Scared to look for work

blackroze1000's picture
Posts: 50
Joined: Jan 2010

I've been out of work for a long time now and I'm sick of blaming the economy. The problem for me is I'm absolutely petrified to meet prospective employers with a face like mine -- paralyzed on one side, can't smile, and can't really blink my eye. I've always felt that first impressions on interviews are so very important. How can I get over this? I just can't seem to come to terms with it . . .

adventurebob's picture
Posts: 690
Joined: Jun 2010

The way people look to us is based so little on their actual appearance and so much on their inner qualities. As a cancer survivor you must have so much strength and beauty that cannot be contained and just shines right on through. When you walk in to that interview, keep those qualities at the front of your mind and I guarantee you that is what will be seen. You are a beautiful child of God.


blackroze1000's picture
Posts: 50
Joined: Jan 2010

I'm sitting here bawling like a baby. What you said hit home. I AM A CHILD OF GOD. There is no better gift than this. Thank you for the reminder . . .


Skiffin16's picture
Posts: 8286
Joined: Sep 2009

Just don't tell any jokes and no humor...stick to a stone cold poker face.... Just joking with you and definitely not making light of your situation so please don't take it personal...if so I apologize.

But try to think deeply about it...yes, you have some things that you are uncomfortable with. And granted unfortunately there are some cruel uncaring people in the world...

But, if that's all that you really have going on (for the most part)...it's small in the big picture.

Look at some people with huge disabilities. They go on, they are outgoing, they have their personalities...

I have seen things lately that bring tears to my eyes..examples.

This dog on Oprah that has no front legs. Instead of putting it down, a son and lady adopted the dog. She taught it to walk on its back legs..it's happy, it runs (hops) and plays, doesn't have a care about the situation...it adapted.

Another of a fellow with no legs...he gives inspirational speeches...him, giving inspirational speeches to whole people...just hops up on a table or whatever and starts talking...nothing going on for him having no legs.

Just yesterday on The Doctors..LOL, I know... they happen to be on the first programmed channel when you turn the TV on...ummm and my wife was home sick...ya, that's it, that's my story and I'm sticking to it...

Anyways, this lady whom was very young, probably late 20's..she used to be a dancer. Three years ago (actually longer, she had it for three years I believe). She gets this disease - dystonia. She has uncontrollable spasms, wracked in pain and distortions....

Recently she underwent a surgery with brain probes that helped to relief a lot of it, and she's continuing improvements.

Anyways, she comes out on stage an managed a little dance bow....

All that I'm trying to say is in the big scheme of things, your situation is mainly only big to you...don't let it control you...as they say, take control, own it....

To those that will take time to know you and already do, your true self will come out and prevail...

OK, enough preaching...

Thoughts and prayers,

SASH's picture
Posts: 399
Joined: Apr 2006

My first interview for my current position about 5 years ago was over the phone. Apparently I impressed enough for a face to face with the entire department and a week later I was hired.

Hopefully most employers don't look at the physical appearance, but rather what we bring to the table in terms of how well we can do the job, get along with others in the department and/or company. Now unless you are going for a job as a fashion model, looks should not play into getting a job.

Hondo's picture
Posts: 6643
Joined: Apr 2009

I agree with Bob let your inward beauty shine through and don’t get depress if you don’t get the first job, ask God where he would want you to be and when a job open for you then you know you are in the right place. Remember we as survivors all have many side affects that we deal with everyday; but it is God, Family, and Friends, that gives us the inner strength to keep going on everyday.

Still in Gods Work Shop

Posts: 267
Joined: Oct 2010

Hi, blackroze. I also have half of my face paralyzed. My right side sags and my smile is pathetic and my right eye won't blink and the upper lid and lower lid sag. My doctors can't tell me if this is permanent or if it will get better. I also have some issues with meeting people and appearing in public, but I am doing it. I just told myself that this is who I am and people can either accept it or not. It has been my experience that people who knew me before still remember me as the happy and smiling guy I always was and people who don't know me seem to accept me just fine. I believe that we tend to not give people enough credit for accepting us who are a bit different. You are who you are despite any physical problems. Just be yourself and go for it. I sometimes joke about the old song "A wink and a smile" by saying that I don't have either.


blackroze1000's picture
Posts: 50
Joined: Jan 2010

I'm in a much better place right now -- just feeling sorry for myself and sitting on my pity pot for a little while -- happens every now and again. Thanks so much for all of your comments. It's so true that things could be so much worse. I think the problem is I still haven't accepted myself and, therefore, don't think anyone else will either. That's obviously not the right way to go about things, as you all have reminded me. I appreciate every word of advice you have given me, and will strive to find a job if it kills me!!! (Wink and a smile!)

Love to you all,

Skiffin16's picture
Posts: 8286
Joined: Sep 2009

Please don't think it's wrong to feel low at times, it happens to all of us from time to time. Given the situation, it's much easier to give advice when you aren't actually going down the same path.

The key to strive for is to not let it consume you, to take charge of it and most of the time to beat it. Strive for the positive, and hopefully and eventaully, those positive feelings will become much more frequent than the negative thoughts.

I'm sure you'll definitely find the right job for you and you'll shine while doing it.

My very best wishes to you and your future and upcoming job.

dennis318's picture
Posts: 349
Joined: Feb 2010

I lost my voice, and try looking for a job, when i have worked in retail for 25, and a total of 35, I had to go on to dissability, till I could gain my strength back, my voice well, no more singing, I sold my prize Alto Sax, no air to blow it, and it hurt to see it sit here. I can talk, but its like a Betty Davis, gravely and very soft. you have a point, Until we get over the anger that we have about what we are trying use, there is no use going on. I did a few weeks ago seek employment for part time, or at least give it a shot. It is getting slightly better, so never give up. If your like me, I try to blame the guy upstairs, it was no ones blame, it happened. so your shield like mine is no different, there is a place for us out there in teh job force. Let's be patient. It will happen. Dennis

Posts: 194
Joined: Aug 2010

Well see I am on the same boat as everybody else who had cancer. I just lost my job due to this NPC cancer and I been with that company for 2 1/2 years and I dont plan on fighting in courts or lawyers to get my job back because of this. (dont have the money to fight it since I am still paying on medical bills)

My Question is how hard is it to even land a job right now due to this economy and so many doctors visits for post (first year) treatments for being cancer free because my ENT doctor wants to have visits every 2 months for the first year and I dont know how many visits I have to do with chemo doctor and radiation doctor for this first year.

I am currently on disability since I had this NPC cancer (last February) and now having late problems being post like: neck,shoulder,earing,jaw,voice/throat would that effect me on getting a job also?

If I cant find a job I guess I will start my own business since I know alot about computers and networking.

If anybody got's any advice for me how to deal with getting a job with this cancer and disability that would be great.

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