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HELP! It's been almost 6 months and I still can't cope

gerrys girl
Posts: 11
Joined: Oct 2010

Hi everybody, it's been a while since I was here, when Mom first passed away I came here for support, which I recieved from so many of you, and I thank you for that.It just seemed like every time I would read other peoples sad stories it would make me more depressed so I did what has come natural to me lately, which is to avoid.That's what I do now, avoid thinking about Mom,or talking about her it's just too painful.I know everyone says to think about the good times,but every happy thought is quickly followed by the nightmare of her last few hours.It is killing me inside to know she is gone,even as I write this the tears are flowing,I can't seem to stop.She was my "safe place",the place where you feel totally loved and supported no matter what.Now that place is gone and I feel so alone.I go through the motions of life but I'm not living,I feel spaced out most of the time,putting on a smile for those around me,acting like I'm okay when in reality I just want to die.I can't believe I just said that out loud,although those thoughts have entered my mind I have never told anyone about it,not sure why I am opening up to all of you, total strangers,but for some reason I feel safe to speak my mind here.Got to go now my husband just pulled up and I don't want him to see this.Bye for now

Posts: 1849
Joined: Aug 2010

Gerrysgirl, I think it is time for you to seek some counseling. Six months is not a long time for grieving and that does not disturb me, Honey. What bothers me, and I'm sure others will chime in, if your comment that you "just want to die".

Despair takes many forms and this is just but one of them. Please contact a local counselor, minister or other professional and take the time to get things right for yourself. You should see your physician, too, to get some help with what you are describing, which sounds like a form of post-traumatic stress disorder. There are medications that can help. You deserve, and your mom would want, a good life.

Grieving is a good and necessary thing. There are healthy ways to grieve and I think you need some help with this.

Let us hear from you.

Hugs, Gerrysgirl.

Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Gerrys girl,
I really agree with Noelles' comment that you need some counseling. It's normal to be depressed cause I felt like I was going to crack up many times after Tom (my hubby) died last March, but I realized I needed to see a counselor and it helped me tremendously. So please think seriously about it, okay?? My mom died in "89" and I still miss her. Whenever anyone we love dies, it's like a part of us goes along, but we have to realize that we have to move on whether we want to or not. Please keep coming here to talk to us, cause I agree it's better sometimes talking to strangers which we are at first. But soon we feel like we're "family" and help each other make it through our sadness. Please take care. "Carole"

hope0310's picture
Posts: 324
Joined: May 2010

For the pain that you are experiencing. I too lost my mother, (9/23/10) my best friend, confidant and rock. I thought that I would not be able to function without her. And there are very painful times. Times that I need my mom, I want my mom. But even though she was never in pain, I do know that the existance she had her last 7 weeks is not what she would have wanted and I know that she is now in a better place living it up once again.

I found this on the internet a couple weeks ago. I read it daily. I really like it, and I do talk to her and about her constantly, to the point that I think I make some people uncomfortable, but for me, it is comforting. Please read the words and take them in ..... your mom would not want you to be in so much pain and termoil, this I am sure of.

Be good to yourself

Death is nothing at all
I have only slipped away into the next room
I am I and you are you
Whatever we were to each other
That we are still
Call me by my old familiar name
Speak to me in the easy way you always used
Put no difference into your tone
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow
Laugh as we always laughed
At the little jokes we always enjoyed together
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was
Let it be spoken without effort
Without the ghost of a shadow in it
Life means all that it ever meant
It is the same as it ever was
There is absolute unbroken continuity
What is death but a negligible accident?
Why should I be out of mind
Because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you for an interval
Somewhere very near
Just around the corner
All is well.
Nothing is past; nothing is lost
One brief moment and all will be as it was before
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!

Canon Henry Scott-Holland, 1847-1918, Canon of St Paul's Cathedral

luz del lago's picture
luz del lago
Posts: 452
Joined: Jul 2010

How I love this. I have been afraid of thinking that it is what it is and my reunion with my husband will be just like that! I know that it is said that being with the Lord is all we will need or desire. But I so wish that my love and I will soar together in eternity! None of us know for definite, but they do, and just as I prayed for a miracle for him while he lived, I pray for this reunion!

May all of us that have lost a love in our lives find hope in the promise of eternity.


luz del lago's picture
luz del lago
Posts: 452
Joined: Jul 2010

I, too, have lost a great love. A companion. A dance partner. A lover, a friend. Your grief is understandable. I encourage you to find a counselor that you feel safe and comfortable sharing with. I know that being able to speak of my husband, the pain, the anguish, the anger has helped me tremendously. Six months is an instant, compared to a lifetime. Be patient with yourself, be kind to yourself. And if the folks around you say you should be ok by now, find other folks to be around, as a loss such as yours has no time frame as to when to finish grieving.

And come here often. It is a beautiful, safe place to release. I promise you, you will always be comforted!


Posts: 221
Joined: Oct 2010

Elysia, Thanks for this post; it is so very comforting. Just what I needed today.

Gerry's girl, Please seek out counseling. Your Mom would want you to be OK. She would not want her passing to devastate you like this. I am sure she would want you to be happy and not have you in such despair.

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