How about a new "situation" ???

lilli1020
lilli1020 Member Posts: 114
edited March 2014 in Grief and Bereavement #1
OK here it is. I have been so lonely for male companionship lately. All of my female family and my girlfriends all have husbands, boyfriends, whatever. My daughter is in a great relationship now, so we hardly do things together. I went on a website, for friends and dating. Filled out the forms, put up a pic...I don't even know why I did this either, but probably just curious.....and ended up with a few men responding. Most wanted a relationship and I expressly posted that I wanted a man for friendship only!!!! Just someone to do things with (and maybe feel good about myself again) One man wrote and we have so much in common. Love to snow ski, was born and raised in the same state as I, and now we live in Mi., etc etc. He would like to meet for coffee or a drink next week, and I am pretty much game for it. Am I crazy? Being ungrateful? Selfish? Loose? I was thinking I was just sad and lonely and missing a male's conversation and attention, but want absolutely nothing physical! HELP?

Gayle
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Comments

  • ktlcs
    ktlcs Member Posts: 358
    Give it a try
    Go ahead and do what feels right for you. Meeting some one for coffee or a drink does not make you any of the things you are thinking. You may make a new friend, you may find this is not what you want right now, in any event you will never know until you try

    Kathy
  • hope0310
    hope0310 Member Posts: 320
    ktlcs said:

    Give it a try
    Go ahead and do what feels right for you. Meeting some one for coffee or a drink does not make you any of the things you are thinking. You may make a new friend, you may find this is not what you want right now, in any event you will never know until you try

    Kathy

    Crazy?
    No.....normal!! I so go for it, like Kathy said, you wont know unless you try!! Do morning coffee or something, there is no commitment with that. Do not do an evening or anything, have an out!!
  • hope0310
    hope0310 Member Posts: 320
    ktlcs said:

    Give it a try
    Go ahead and do what feels right for you. Meeting some one for coffee or a drink does not make you any of the things you are thinking. You may make a new friend, you may find this is not what you want right now, in any event you will never know until you try

    Kathy

    Crazy?
    sorry....duplicate post!
  • 3Mana
    3Mana Member Posts: 811
    Go for it Gayle!
    Gayle,
    I know exactly what you mean. Eating alone sucks and you are not crazy for wanting male companionship. When my hubby died, a guy i had graduated with and we were friends with , sent a sympathy card cause he saw Tom's death notice in the paper. His wife died 4 years ago and I knew her also. Anyhow he said if I ever needed to talk< I should e-mail him. So I did and one morning we met for coffee and he knew exactly how I felt. We"ve been e-mailing every day and he calls once a week. And we've gone out to dinner quite a few times. It was hard at first cause I felt like I was cheating. I feel the same as you and want nothing physical either. But it's so nice having someone to do things with. So good luck, start with coffee and see how it goes. Keep me posted! "Carole"
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633
    Agree
    I agree with the others. Go for it. Who knows where it might lead. Just having some companionship is good. I'm happy with either female or male companionship. I would love to travel more, but I need a travel companion. This alone stuff is hard. I'm getting better at it. I, too, am not interested in a physical relationship right now. I'm sure that can change, too. Enjoy your coffee. Fay
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633
    Agree
    Double post
  • luz del lago
    luz del lago Member Posts: 449
    So glad you shared this thought with us
    Gayle, my love, has only been gone a month and a half. We did so much together. Just started thinking the other day how sad I may feel to go through this life with no one to travel with, have a dinner out with. Discuss current events with. I am blessed to be surrounded by loving family and friends, and have even gone out with them a couple of times. 30 yrs. is a long time to have shared a life with someone. I,too, do not wish for a "deep" relationship at this time, but I feel I will wish for companionship at some point.

    Thank you for sharing your feelings. It made me realize that what I'm beginning to feel is normal, and nothing wrong with it. I so hope you do go out for coffee! And I hope that you have a nice time!

    Lucy
  • lilli1020
    lilli1020 Member Posts: 114

    So glad you shared this thought with us
    Gayle, my love, has only been gone a month and a half. We did so much together. Just started thinking the other day how sad I may feel to go through this life with no one to travel with, have a dinner out with. Discuss current events with. I am blessed to be surrounded by loving family and friends, and have even gone out with them a couple of times. 30 yrs. is a long time to have shared a life with someone. I,too, do not wish for a "deep" relationship at this time, but I feel I will wish for companionship at some point.

    Thank you for sharing your feelings. It made me realize that what I'm beginning to feel is normal, and nothing wrong with it. I so hope you do go out for coffee! And I hope that you have a nice time!

    Lucy

    WOW
    You ladies are the best! I am so glad that what I am feeling must be normal and that I am not different from everybody else. I may as well give it a try and see what happens, and I always have an out...he says he wants nothing more that female friendship too and if he is honest, then maybe we will be friends. I hope so! Thank you all for your support and I will let you know how it goes.

    Love ya, and bless you, Gayle
  • 3Mana
    3Mana Member Posts: 811
    lilli1020 said:

    WOW
    You ladies are the best! I am so glad that what I am feeling must be normal and that I am not different from everybody else. I may as well give it a try and see what happens, and I always have an out...he says he wants nothing more that female friendship too and if he is honest, then maybe we will be friends. I hope so! Thank you all for your support and I will let you know how it goes.

    Love ya, and bless you, Gayle

    Funny
    Gayle,
    I think it's funny that we all think the same! It's just hard like you said not having a male companion, especially after being married so long. Tom & I would've had our 47th anniversary on Feb 8th. I always said I'd never want to have to go through dating again, but ya never know till it happens right? As long as the guys aren't "horny" we're safe!!!!!!!
    Not everyone knows that I'm seeing someone, but all the ones that do think it's great! My daughter thinks it's great, but my 2 sons don't say much so not sure how they feel.
    Anyhow, good luck, start out slow & make him know what you want-------- No SEX!!! If he trys anything say "OOps, sorry forgot to shave my legs!" Ha ha!
    Take care and keep us posted!!! Carole
  • Beckymarie
    Beckymarie Member Posts: 357
    3Mana said:

    Funny
    Gayle,
    I think it's funny that we all think the same! It's just hard like you said not having a male companion, especially after being married so long. Tom & I would've had our 47th anniversary on Feb 8th. I always said I'd never want to have to go through dating again, but ya never know till it happens right? As long as the guys aren't "horny" we're safe!!!!!!!
    Not everyone knows that I'm seeing someone, but all the ones that do think it's great! My daughter thinks it's great, but my 2 sons don't say much so not sure how they feel.
    Anyhow, good luck, start out slow & make him know what you want-------- No SEX!!! If he trys anything say "OOps, sorry forgot to shave my legs!" Ha ha!
    Take care and keep us posted!!! Carole

    Funny
    Carole,
    I like that hairy legs as a deterent!
    Becky
  • junklady
    junklady Member Posts: 88
    This is so ironic
    Amazing that this subject has been brought up. I feel the same the same way, wanting a man to do things with, just friendship, nothing more. I had a date before Christmas, a glass of wine and some dinner. To tell you the truth, it felt very awkward, like a teenager. I went home and said "No, I can't do this". It's hard to be with someone new, when you are used to being with the love of your life for many years. I have the guilt feeling going on, like Dale is watching me. No one will ever measure up to the man I loved. I've been spoiled and well taken care of for many years. I can't see it happening. However, I do have a gay man friend teaching me how to shoot pool, I know know I'm safe. Had a long time friend of Dale's and mine over for dinner the other night. He's alone too, and we had a wonderful conversation without any strings attached. I'm going on vacation for a week soon, of course by myself. Oh well, I'm trying to move forward. Only time will help. This is nice to know that we are not alone in thinking the way we do. Take care.

    Cyndi
  • junklady
    junklady Member Posts: 88
    junklady said:

    This is so ironic
    Amazing that this subject has been brought up. I feel the same the same way, wanting a man to do things with, just friendship, nothing more. I had a date before Christmas, a glass of wine and some dinner. To tell you the truth, it felt very awkward, like a teenager. I went home and said "No, I can't do this". It's hard to be with someone new, when you are used to being with the love of your life for many years. I have the guilt feeling going on, like Dale is watching me. No one will ever measure up to the man I loved. I've been spoiled and well taken care of for many years. I can't see it happening. However, I do have a gay man friend teaching me how to shoot pool, I know know I'm safe. Had a long time friend of Dale's and mine over for dinner the other night. He's alone too, and we had a wonderful conversation without any strings attached. I'm going on vacation for a week soon, of course by myself. Oh well, I'm trying to move forward. Only time will help. This is nice to know that we are not alone in thinking the way we do. Take care.

    Cyndi

    Just thought of something
    Tell the men you don't shave your legs during snow tire season. That will give them something to think about.
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633
    junklady said:

    Just thought of something
    Tell the men you don't shave your legs during snow tire season. That will give them something to think about.

    Cougar
    I have told friends I want to be a cougar. I want a young, healthy one. One that can take care of me. Of course, there's no guarantee that will work, but I can dream. I just attended a women's spiritual retreat. It is amazing how many of us are alone either by choice, divorce, or death. That wasn't true of all there, but many. We were reminded of our sisterhood, our strenghth and courage to try new things. We were also reminded of the need for humor in our lives. This board is made up of both strong men and women. We are not just survivors. We are thriving. Fay
  • luz del lago
    luz del lago Member Posts: 449

    Cougar
    I have told friends I want to be a cougar. I want a young, healthy one. One that can take care of me. Of course, there's no guarantee that will work, but I can dream. I just attended a women's spiritual retreat. It is amazing how many of us are alone either by choice, divorce, or death. That wasn't true of all there, but many. We were reminded of our sisterhood, our strenghth and courage to try new things. We were also reminded of the need for humor in our lives. This board is made up of both strong men and women. We are not just survivors. We are thriving. Fay

    Fay and all of you beautiful ladies...
    I consider this particular thread a sign of hope! And I sign that we are alive and that it is ok to feel again! Thank you all!

    Lucy
  • Tina Blondek
    Tina Blondek Member Posts: 1,500 Member
    junklady said:

    Just thought of something
    Tell the men you don't shave your legs during snow tire season. That will give them something to think about.

    Nice to See You
    Hello Junklady
    So happy to see you posting. Thanks for the laughs and the smiles. Good for you, glad to see that you are doing your best to move on. Do you really think our loved ones would want us not to? Don't you think they are making new friends up in heaven, just waiting for us to come join them? Just friends, no commitments. You have a great vacation and do your best to have a good time, Dale would want you to! Hugs to you and thank you for your humor and inspiration. Keep in touch.
    Tina in Va
  • lilli1020
    lilli1020 Member Posts: 114

    Nice to See You
    Hello Junklady
    So happy to see you posting. Thanks for the laughs and the smiles. Good for you, glad to see that you are doing your best to move on. Do you really think our loved ones would want us not to? Don't you think they are making new friends up in heaven, just waiting for us to come join them? Just friends, no commitments. You have a great vacation and do your best to have a good time, Dale would want you to! Hugs to you and thank you for your humor and inspiration. Keep in touch.
    Tina in Va

    Well ladies, we are, after
    Well ladies, we are, after all, human beings with LOTS of feelings. I am just going to keep an open mind and make myself have control of the situation, then go from there! At least I will have tried it and discover whether I am ready or not!

    Thanks all!!!! Gayle
  • skipper85
    skipper85 Member Posts: 229
    Go For It - But Be Careful

    It's always best to meet online friends in a public place and have a couple friends or your daughter be at the same place (only not with you) so they can make sure this guy is not just some psycho. I know I sound paranoid but we are all in a very vulnerable place right now. Oh and it wouldn't hurt to get the # off his license plate if anyone can do that for you too.

    Yeah - I know you think I'm crazy but you've got to be careful the first few times you meet with a person you know nothing about.

    Have fun but be careful - and don't let him know where you live for a while. Just meet in public places.

    Good luck.

    Skipper
  • lilli1020
    lilli1020 Member Posts: 114
    skipper85 said:

    Go For It - But Be Careful

    It's always best to meet online friends in a public place and have a couple friends or your daughter be at the same place (only not with you) so they can make sure this guy is not just some psycho. I know I sound paranoid but we are all in a very vulnerable place right now. Oh and it wouldn't hurt to get the # off his license plate if anyone can do that for you too.

    Yeah - I know you think I'm crazy but you've got to be careful the first few times you meet with a person you know nothing about.

    Have fun but be careful - and don't let him know where you live for a while. Just meet in public places.

    Good luck.

    Skipper

    LOL
    No, I dont think you are crazy....very astute and giving me some good information that I havent necessarily thought of. So thank you very much skipper..it just may save me!!!
    Bless you, GAyle
  • 3Mana
    3Mana Member Posts: 811
    So Gayle, what did you do???
    Hey Gayle, just wondering if you met that guy for coffee or not??? You'll probably feel like I did like you're cheating but it's just nice having a guy to talk to right??
    Keep me posted on what's going on!
    All you others who said you feel the same way about just wanting someone to be friends with, let us know if anything exciting has happened with you?
    "Carole"
  • lilli1020
    lilli1020 Member Posts: 114
    3Mana said:

    So Gayle, what did you do???
    Hey Gayle, just wondering if you met that guy for coffee or not??? You'll probably feel like I did like you're cheating but it's just nice having a guy to talk to right??
    Keep me posted on what's going on!
    All you others who said you feel the same way about just wanting someone to be friends with, let us know if anything exciting has happened with you?
    "Carole"

    Well, we had a day set, then
    Well, we had a day set, then my father in another state got sick and is in the hospital, so I am with him through his PT/PT/Rehab in hopes for him to go back home. I will be here another week, then back home. So hopefully this guy is still interested and maybe make another date. So, for now, my life sucks because I miss my friends and family at home...Dad lives in NC where I grew up, but there is nothing for me here anymore, except Dad and it is all about him...he could care less about anyone else and it hurts that he hasnt even asked me how I have been doing. All he cares about it himself, so i cannot wait for my brother to take over when I go home...brother in yet another state too! Thanks for asking...you care more about me than my own father!!!!

    Gayle