Wierd thoughts...making an impact on my life....handling the end of my life...(NOT now...!!!!!)

KathiM Member Posts: 8,028
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
OK, so it's a bit early (or late, depending), so that may be part of this post. It's just rambling...don't waste your time if you have better things to do....

I have, as you have seen my posts, been trying to make sense of all of the losses as of late that have been in my life. NOT my own, thank goodness...I continue to be without reoccurance. I am also grappling with my mom's end of life, and what I would do with mine. So, I decided to go one step further, and write it down (we are having to guess a bit as to what she wants, and she can't tell us...sigh...). The wierd thing is that, up to the point of writing my own piece for in the newspaper, my beau was all for it. Now, he just thinks it's too far...

I am surprised at bit at his reaction. I figured he would be relieved at one less thing to worry about, what with all the arrangements needed to be made at that time. I am a bit more of a realist, I guess. He has a bad heart. I've had 2 primary site cancers, both staged in the lymph system. The breast cancer definately, and when it comes back (as we are seeing on my 'other' board), it comes back with a vengence! I am one of the 'lucky' ones. Having a pause in the battle long enough to clear the air and do some serious thinking about the 'what ifs'...and how my life has changed.

The one thing that always comes out loud and clear is how I feel about my family here. It provides a warm loving place to vent, to come for support, and to come for advice on treatment advice. Sure, we have our differences...what family doesn't? That is what keeps me coming here...sometimes just lurking, sometimes offering a bit of support or a hug or two, or even my silly 'dutch adventure' posts about something the happened in my day.

Where does this go? Not anywhere specific. I told my beau that should anything happen to me, he needs to post here...even if he doesn't want to read what I have written!!!!

BIG dutch hugs, and thanks for 'listening' to my ramblings...

Dutch hugs, Kathi


  • Kerry S
    Kerry S Member Posts: 606
    Kathi Darlin

    Back when I was in the drunk farm, I told the head guy that I did not want to go to AA meetings. They drove me nuts with BS that folks talked about because they made no sense.

    He was a very wise man and he told me;

    “Don’t listen to the words Kerry, listen to the feelings”!!!

    This is why this board is so damn important to me. I listen to the frustrations of all of you and compare those with feeling that I have. Most of us do this without even knowing it. We make statements like “I feel your pain”. I think this is why we all seem to need to take breaks from the board at times. We have sucked in too much of negative feelings.

    My sister told me she still thinks about her battle with breast cancer and she is a 27 year survivor. You should see her on your “other board” soon to put out a lot of hope.

    Love ya