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when mom moves in

Posts: 7
Joined: Nov 2010

my 64 year old widowed mom was diagnosed on 9/22/10 with two GBM's IV. resecting was not an option... so we went to Duke and got involved with a clinical trial.

We use to live 3 hours apart. It would take months for her to plan a trip to DE where I live to see my three kids. she worked 40hrs as a medical office manager, visited my 101 year old grandmother weekly and worked at the hardware store she still owns. Before she was diagnosed, she was a pessimist person. . now she is beyond pessisimsim..

Since starting treatment, we all have really not accepted the seriousness of this type of cancer... which is making some huge emotional waves here in my house. I am trying to "save face" as my new roll as caregiver. . but i think i am getting more and more angry.

I have to remind myself that my mom had her own life before it came crashing to a halt (she hasn't worked since sept. and it looks like she will be retireing this fall) She also know has 5 additional roomates. ( including my 6 year old and 4 year old) My house is plenty big, she has her own grond floor "suite" which helped out before she regained her mobility.

Can i say that she is pissing me off? Can I say that? She has a way of commenting on the condition of my house, my kids, and pretty much anything else that is pissing her off. I have been very good about "redirecting" her comments, or restating them in a positive way. We have a long road ahead of us. . she will complete chemo treatmet next month, begin radiation for 6 additional weeks, and then we are looking at another year of chemo.

She has a house to sell, a business to sell. She wants to be independent and have her own place.. Is that a good idea?

My dad passed away suddenly. . so this is all new to me. Any information, advice is more than appreciated. I really don't even know what to expect with GBM's. . as far as long term.. I obviously have no idea of what this journey will be like for me, my famiy or my mom.

skipper85's picture
Posts: 231
Joined: Sep 2010

You have every right to vent and feel angry. We've all been there. Your Mom being a pessimist before her diagnosis probably does make things worse now. I'm pretty sure what's going on is that she's losing control of her life. Cancer is in control now. A person who has always been independent, owned a business and has been an office manager is used to calling the shots for herself and others. As cancer treatment gives her less control over her life she may get even more cranky.

What I can suggest for you is to join a support group for caregivers. If it's physically possible have your mom join a support group for cancer patients. Support groups can be a tremendous help to both of you. Talk with her doctor about an anti-depressant or some other medication that may help her to be more congenial. Part of how she is acting may be a direct result of the disease physically affecting her personality. Talk with her doctor.

Meanwhile, hang tough. It's not easy being a caregiver but you sound like someone who can handle it. If things get too rough - get some help and most of all take care of yourself and your family. You can't help your mother if you or your family are falling apart.



Barbara53's picture
Posts: 658
Joined: Aug 2009

Without really knowing what she's doing, my mother finds emotional buttons that have been there since I was a kid, and pushes them as hard as she can. She is hypercritical and disses my daughter and other dear people and things, so when I feel like punching her I leave the room. On days when I find myself leaving the room repeatedly, I know it's her and not me. Who wouldn't feel angry?

Before she got sick, your mother had such a busy, productive life. She is probably grieving its loss, be it temporary or permanent. It might help if she had something to do. Put together the history of the hardware store? If you get her started, finding a project with some "legacy" value might interest her. Good luck!

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