Devistated Daughter

Buzzard said:

Mandy.....This is a very hard subject to breach......
First of all, you must understand that all of us in here first came in here for something magical, as though this was going to be the cure all for everything and although we see things happen in here that are overwhelmingly great and some that are very distressing we are here to try and give the best possible answers to questions asked so that it makes for the caregiver and patient the easiest journey through this whole ordeal. We are also here to sit right next to everyone in here as long as we have to to ensure that no one individual ever has to go through this alone. In your moms case, it does seem that the disease has been there for a while to be where it is. You have to remember that all things are possible, and she has to know that attitude is everything in treatment. If she is a fighter then she will fight but it is her choice of all options taken. Allow her to be ok making the choices she makes. Her only wish is for her kids to be ok, that in itself is all parents wishes, no matter if its cancer, or simply life itself, if you are ok then she is ok...she has to see that in you. It will serve 2 purposes, it will allow you and her to be ok with each other as in talking, laughing, sharing, making memories, #2, it will let her know that you are going to be ok with whatever happens during her journey. Sometimes we have to sit back and think of not only ourselves, but what our actions do to others, so to ok with whats going on will be a Godsend to her just in knowing that you are handling it ok. It is perfectly normal to have downtimes, its human nature to feel bad, but it can't consume you or everyone suffers for it. See a Pastor or a Priest or therapist if need be or see your family Dr and tell him/her that maybe you need a slight anti depressant to allow you to not dwell on all bad things. It does help, I know that for a fact.
Now for Step Dad, he is suffering from helplessness, he has no idea what he can do to help when really all he needs to do is be there for her. He doesn't have to say or do anything, just simply be a comfort to her through this...
As for you, from my standpoint, I lost my father to stomach cancer when he was 63, that was in 1991, I am stage 4 and I have 4 children ages 6-8-16-25....yeah I know, I just didn't know when to quit...but its all good......In any event , my children know that I may not be around someday and they are ok with it only because the believe that we will all meet again after we are gone......Mandy, my only reason that I am sane and able to go on is because I truly believe that I will be with them again someday. I am not going to say anything more on this but if you would like to pm me I would be more than happy to elaborate, if not thats ok too....
Your mom is in for a fight, and attitude is everything. If she knows that you are ok then she can place all her emphasis on getting through this and getting better. Not to say all will be well because this disease hardly ever plays the same in anyone, and it never plays fair, so we take gratitude in the smallest of victories in this journey and not hope for an immediate resolution. There is always hope in everything, so lets get the attitude that we will walk into this journey together and you have the backing of 4000 friends in here that are everyone behind you and your mom 110% to share in the good things that happen and feel sorrow for the things that don't...
There are always more than 1 cancer center, so if you feel as though she is not getting what you think she needs then contact or call other facilities out of your area. Where there is life, there is always hope........Love and Hope to all of you in your journey...............Clift