scared and worried today

tina dasilva
tina dasilva Member Posts: 641
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
Jorge has to go and see the colon doctor today at 2 and I've been trying to keep my cool. But its getting hard and I also think its getting to jorge last night he told me off he told me that I wasn't taking good care of him and that he didn't want me to go the with him to the doctors today . I've cried all night long don't know what to do or think . Tina

Comments

  • AnneCan
    AnneCan Member Posts: 3,673
    Tina
    I think Jorge is feeling the stress + worry of this appointment. Crying all night long is not going to put anyone in the right frame of mind for dealing with a surgeon. Try to pull yourself together so you will be at your best for this appointment. Remember how well Jorge is doing; his tumour has shrunk, CEA is down, etc. Think about something to look forward to after the appointment; for example treat yourself at a cafe. Last week after my onc appointment, my husband + I had a lovely lunch at a favourite restaurant. Then, Thursday after chemo we stopped, ordered food to take home, + did some shopping. I am really trying to grab onto life as much as possible. None of us knows what is ahead. We need to make the best of the "right now". Good luck at the appointment.
  • tina dasilva
    tina dasilva Member Posts: 641
    AnneCan said:

    Tina
    I think Jorge is feeling the stress + worry of this appointment. Crying all night long is not going to put anyone in the right frame of mind for dealing with a surgeon. Try to pull yourself together so you will be at your best for this appointment. Remember how well Jorge is doing; his tumour has shrunk, CEA is down, etc. Think about something to look forward to after the appointment; for example treat yourself at a cafe. Last week after my onc appointment, my husband + I had a lovely lunch at a favourite restaurant. Then, Thursday after chemo we stopped, ordered food to take home, + did some shopping. I am really trying to grab onto life as much as possible. None of us knows what is ahead. We need to make the best of the "right now". Good luck at the appointment.

    Anne
    Anne thank you for the push that's what I'm going to do with Jorge
  • JoyceSteele
    JoyceSteele Member Posts: 145
    So sorry
    Oh honey I'm sorry about last night. Am sure he is scared just like you are. We often lash out at the ones we love the most and are closest to. But it doesn't make it any easier for you. Take care of yourself, and try to think positively. Whatever news you get you will make it through. I'm praying for you both. Hugs, Joyce
  • pepebcn
    pepebcn Member Posts: 6,331

    So sorry
    Oh honey I'm sorry about last night. Am sure he is scared just like you are. We often lash out at the ones we love the most and are closest to. But it doesn't make it any easier for you. Take care of yourself, and try to think positively. Whatever news you get you will make it through. I'm praying for you both. Hugs, Joyce

    Tina unfortunately is very common to blame to our most loved
    and closest people, unfortunately I use to do it with Tote very often!,Its like if we would like to see others suffering as well! This illnesses is so cruel with every body! .Don worry is just a passenger reaction!.
    Hugs Tina Take care!
  • Nana b
    Nana b Member Posts: 3,030
    pepebcn said:

    Tina unfortunately is very common to blame to our most loved
    and closest people, unfortunately I use to do it with Tote very often!,Its like if we would like to see others suffering as well! This illnesses is so cruel with every body! .Don worry is just a passenger reaction!.
    Hugs Tina Take care!

    Hugs!
    I went by myself to all my chemo appointments, my husband went with to my ONC appointments. He was my second ears. Please do hang in there and try to be strong, it's not over, until it's over.

    Take each day and enjoy it, it's what we should be doing anyway!
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    Nana b said:

    Hugs!
    I went by myself to all my chemo appointments, my husband went with to my ONC appointments. He was my second ears. Please do hang in there and try to be strong, it's not over, until it's over.

    Take each day and enjoy it, it's what we should be doing anyway!

    Tina..I did and still do the same to my wife...
    and therapist says that yes it is normal to lash out at a loved one when feeling stressed or when things start piling up on us...What we need to do is know that when we get close to big decisions or findings to know that this feeling may be coming and maybe post it on the fridge or on the wall so that even though the patient or in this case Jorge doesn't see the hurt he is doing it lets him know that you are on his side. It also makes you aware to tell him that it is ok to vent when he is frustrated but for him to remember that even though he is the patient, you are his spouse and caregiver and it hurts you as much as it does him and when these things get close bring up the possibility of maybe getting snippy or quick to get mad ...Let each other know that each of you need an outlet, it just doesn't need to be each other.....works well when you BOTH practice it...experience tells me that it does....and ask him to read this please....Its helping us to get through the rougher times of this journey.Love to both of you,Clift
  • karguy
    karguy Member Posts: 1,020
    Jorge
    Jorge needs to try and not stress out,be calm,and remember that you have stayed by him,and helped him when he needed it.I know alot of people who were left alone when they found out they had cancer.He has been doing very good,and shouldn't worry to much.You two should go have a nice dinner afterwards.Good luck.
  • Nana2
    Nana2 Member Posts: 255
    I just yelled at Jim this
    I just yelled at Jim this morning for not calling the pharmacy yesterday and asking if he could take both Imodium AD and Opium to stop his diarrhea...then he yelled back that I don't care....then twenty minutes later we were apologizing on our way to the oncologist. The stress is so heavy some days. Most of these things we say are just a way of releiving the tension inside. I'll bet Jorge is just venting some pent up emotion and you two will work it out.
    (HUGS)
    April
  • geotina
    geotina Member Posts: 2,111
    Tina:
    From one caregiver to another, stop the crying. If you do, you must do it in private. Jorge seeing you crying only adds to his stress and to yours also. I don't know about your Jorge, but my George, needs a little space so I have had to learn to quit hovering, quit talking about cancer constantly, quit asking non-stop questions. Instead of asking 25 times how are you feeling, are you feeling ok, blah blah, I ask once or twice and thats it. Of course he feels lousy, he has cancer, he is on chemo, he is tired and his hair is falling out. This is no easy task but I have found it works.

    Take care - Tina
  • Patti1
    Patti1 Member Posts: 109
    geotina said:

    Tina:
    From one caregiver to another, stop the crying. If you do, you must do it in private. Jorge seeing you crying only adds to his stress and to yours also. I don't know about your Jorge, but my George, needs a little space so I have had to learn to quit hovering, quit talking about cancer constantly, quit asking non-stop questions. Instead of asking 25 times how are you feeling, are you feeling ok, blah blah, I ask once or twice and thats it. Of course he feels lousy, he has cancer, he is on chemo, he is tired and his hair is falling out. This is no easy task but I have found it works.

    Take care - Tina

    Geotina, Thanks
    Tina,

    As a caregiver thanks for the wakeup call, I must ask my husband a bizzilion times a
    day, how are you feeling, did you take your meds, do you have pain today, nag,nag nag.
    Of course, he just had Nanoknife and two days later they did Trans Arterial Chemo Embolization, and I act let he should go run a marathon. I guess I am just as scared as he is, im just as tired as he is. I will try to be more aware of constantly asking him repeated questions. Tina ...thanks for the little slap of awareness.

    Love ya
    Patti
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    Sorry
    Tina,

    I'm hoping that the appointment went well, and that you and Jorge are both feeling better now.

    *hugs*
    Gail
  • thxmiker
    thxmiker Member Posts: 1,278
    Jorge remember that we are
    Jorge remember that we are all thinking and praying for you and Tina!

    Cancer sucks and the Chemo difficulties suck also. There is nothing easy about fighting the good fight!

    Best Always, mike