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A Note from Pat

mswijiknyc's picture
Posts: 421
Joined: Oct 2010

We were talking this evening, and Pat wrote me an explanation of what he was feeling:

"I would love one day where my neck didn't hurt have a normal appetite. Not tired. No aches and pains. And just a fun day with you. I'm so stressed so as you. I don't want to die and leave you you're my life. I'm going to fight the best I can. You went through enough in your life. Wanted to change that but you got this. I'm fighting the best I can Hun that's all I can do."

Somehow that alone makes all the crap worth it :)

luz del lago's picture
luz del lago
Posts: 452
Joined: Jul 2010

What a loving thing to do for you! I know you will treasure his words, and most of all the feelings he put into them. You're so right, those words that came from his heart, can give you so much courage and strength, and you deserve every single one.



Posts: 1846
Joined: Aug 2010

Very wonderful words for you to hear.

Thank you for sharing.

Hugs to you and Pat.

Posts: 64
Joined: May 2010

wow, i would have bawled my eyes out! that is fantabulous. what an awesome man you have!

DrMary's picture
Posts: 522
Joined: Nov 2010

I had just unloaded on Doug - he got back last night (after the week at work in Mexico) and my daughters had bought him a heated mattress pad, since the electric blanket was getting heavy and not that comfy. The mattress pad was great, except my side quit during the night - turns out this happens a lot and so I was considering taking it back today, or keeping it for another week while I order a better one online (his side works) or what. He made a very disparaging comment about how I'll forget to take it back and we'll have paid for 2 with only one working. . . argh. Can't you be nice for even ONE day?

Of course, he had been just about to tell me how nice the house looked (the kids got rid of the dead evergreens on the back porch and did a bunch of general cleaning up) when I told him about the blanket. Somehow it's my fault that he pissed me off and I didn't let him say nice things. . .

Then I read Pat's note and cried - I'll just pretend Doug said that for now. I'm sure most of the little buggers feel that way but never say it - I'm so glad you got to hear it from Pat.

Tina Blondek's picture
Tina Blondek
Posts: 1566
Joined: Nov 2009

Hello DrMary
You are not alone. My dad had this same behavior towards my mom while he was battling esophageal cancer. It is what husbands with cancer do. Well....most of them. I made my parents start a journal. They could not communicate with one another without bickering, arguing, out and out fighting. Once they started the journal, it was the best thing for them! It is very hard for most men to communicate. It is easier for them to write their thoughts and feelings down. My parents grew closer to one another the last 16 mos of my dad's life than in 51 years of marriage. Try it Doug and DrMary...you will like it, I promise! Hugs to you both. Hope you have two heating pads now!!! :)
Tina in Va

luz del lago's picture
luz del lago
Posts: 452
Joined: Jul 2010

The reason I first started searching for a support group a couple of months after my love's dx was that I felt unappreciated and unloved by the man a had built a life with for 29 yrs.! I remember one of my first posts was sharing how he would go deep inside himself and not show me love, gratitude or affection. We had always been demonstrative toward each other. Many wonderful folks here shared with me of their experiences and suggested I continue to love him as I always had and try hard to understand or accept what he was going through. I really tried, and for the most part accepted the reality, but sometimes I just had to say," no, I will not let the cancer take away the love of 29 yrs., and I would tell him that now more than ever I needed him to be the man I fell in love with". So, how did it go? Well, mostly we held, told each other how much we loved each other, tried to see through each others eyes what the other might be feeling. There were still days that he would disconnect, it hurt, but our love would bring him back.
I hope that you and Doug are able to find each other again, this Beast can test the best of us. A dear friend of mine told me that after her husband passed she realized that most everything was "crap"(blankets, bills, appointments...), in the end what really matters is our relationships with those whom we love and love us!

Best to you and Doug,

Pennymac02's picture
Posts: 336
Joined: Aug 2010

Awww April, what a sweetie you have! Thankyou for sharing this--it brought tears to my eyes.

zinniemay's picture
Posts: 534
Joined: Mar 2009

April, I know that made you cry.... sure did me... What a beautiful thing he said to you. It does make it worth all the crap!

mswijiknyc's picture
Posts: 421
Joined: Oct 2010

right now there is alot of extra stress going on. It helps to know I'm doing the right thing and that he is with me on it, even though I'm the one catching all the flak. I'm glad and it settles my heart to know we are together.

Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

I too had tears in my eyes when I read what Pat said. He sounds like such a sweet guy. Damn this cancer, why does it attack all the good people?? Cherish every day you have with him. Maybe a miracle will happen and he'll be okay. I'm still praying for him!!!
Please take care of yourself April!! "Carole"

karenbeth's picture
Posts: 194
Joined: Sep 2010

...goes a long way. doesn't get rid of the ugly stuff, but i think "settles my heart" is a good way to put it.


skipper85's picture
Posts: 231
Joined: Sep 2010

What an awesome guy! Still praying for you.



hope0310's picture
Posts: 324
Joined: May 2010

That is YOU April!! You are doing fine.

I know that note from Pat will be cherished forever, how very touching!
Lots love and hugs!!


debbieg5's picture
Posts: 170
Joined: Nov 2010

April....that sounds so similar to some things that Ken wrote to me; although not all at once. But he had told me that he would give anything to have just one day that he was not in pain and could swallow anything...be it food or drink. I feel so bad now that I was always accusing him of not fighting and giving up. I don't think I had any idea how bad he was struggling. I think he, like Pat, was fighting the best he could.
Give Pat a hug for me. The stress on larys is so much worse since they have an even harder time expressing their thoughts and feelings.

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