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your opinion ??

MelanieT's picture
MelanieT
Posts: 188
Joined: Nov 2009

So Chris has decided to go back to work full force. After being off for a year and a half it has put a huge strain on our finances. He is woriking alot of hours and really not getting alot of sleep. Our familes are insisting that by his lack of sleep and the stress of working so much, we are some how going to cause a recurrence.. Is there really any evidence that either of these things can cause that? I mean stress can cause anything and lack of sleep makes me the devil somethimes but its really not my title..lol I am a little offended. We are doing the best we can but have 4 daughters and really dont want to lose our home... thanks for letting me vent...

Loves,
Mel

lisa42's picture
lisa42
Posts: 3661
Joined: Jul 2008

Hi,

Obviously your families are concerned about your husband's health and the effect the stress and lack of sleep has on him. In all honesty, stress and lack of sleep are never good for anyone. On the other hand, being out of work and possibly losing one's house is also a lot of stress and could cause sleepless nights. So, I guess you have to do what has to be done. Are there other options for Chris's work? In other words, could he get a different type of job that would allow him to work from home or work less hours? Is there something you can do workwise that would help (sorry, I don't know/remember if you are currently working and, if so, what it is that you do). Just wondering if there are other ways of earning income that would be less stressful on Chris. I'm sure you've probably thought it all through, but you never know- there still could be other options.
You've got to live & I know of several people on this board who are working part or even full time while going through cancer treatment. I could never have done it myself, but I guess if it were a neccesity, then I may be thining things differently. One does what one needs to do to survive and survive well.
Don't know if any of my thoughts help or not-

Best wishes,
Lisa

snommintj's picture
snommintj
Posts: 602
Joined: Mar 2009

He needs to be resting and relaxing. If that means loosing the home, loose the home. With the market the way it is today, you can probably get a better home for less than what you are paying. I think this is a no brainer. If he wants to work doing something that he loves to do, that's fine. But as for going back to the daily grind. No way!

LOUSWIFT
Posts: 372
Joined: Aug 2006

I returned to work four weeks after surgery just when I started chemo with my first bout of cancer. It actually kept me busy so I didn't think so much about dying or what my cancer was doing to my family. It actually was a stress reliever for me. Yea I was wiped out physically and I was hurting badly from the chemo but I miss working. When I worked I felt I still had value by taking care of my family. My family stepped up for me doing things I normally did (take out the trash; snow shovel; mow the lawn etc) so I could keep up my energy level and get rest when I needed it. Now I am retired (they eliminated our jobs so I retired)and with my second bout of cancer all I think about is my family and of course the struggle with the chemo and the burden I am on them. I have too much time on my hands (when my hands work). If it works for him let him decide...family step back! Lou

Nana b's picture
Nana b
Posts: 3045
Joined: May 2009

I strongly believe and have read that stress can cause a reacurance, however, his work may not be as stressful as you think. There is a difference between busy and stress. I worked all through chemo and was back to work after 3 surgeries.

He may feel good and alive to be back to work, providing for his family. There are diffent kind of stresses.

geotina's picture
geotina
Posts: 2117
Joined: Oct 2009

If Chris wants to work, let him. I would think that he should return gradually and forget the overtime if he can and ease into things. As far as stress, when he does come home from work, it must be as stress free as possible. Lay down the rules with the kids since you say you have 4 children. There will be no arguing, fighting, bickering, chores will be done without asking, things of that nature. Let the kids know there is no discussion in this regard. That way when Chris comes home he can truly relax and there will be no tension in the house.

Take care - Tina

John23's picture
John23
Posts: 2140
Joined: Jan 2007

Re:
"lack of sleep and the stress of working so much.....
....are some how going to cause a recurrence.. Is there really any
evidence that either of these things can cause that? "

If stress alone was a killer, we wouldn't have populations in the
billions, especially in countries that seem to be continually at war.

I'm not sure if being at war is any less stressful than a diagnosis
of cancer....?

What lack of sleep, stress, and over-working could possibly
do, is keep one from eating and digesting food properly, and that
can in turn, damage the immune system.

So as long as he's eating well, and having some time to truly relax
in surroundings that don't continually present a sorrow-filled
atmosphere, he should be just dandy.

Some of us might use work as an escape route, like alcohol, or drugs,
while others are only trying to continue life as it had been. Trying to
provide for your family's welfare, in spite of illness, is nothing unusual.

I don't believe any of that causes cancer.

Best of hope,

John

Buzzard's picture
Buzzard
Posts: 3073
Joined: Aug 2008

Chris feels like he wants to work then let him work...He and his body will say thats enough when the time comes. He is doing what he feels he needs to do, and that is provide for his family. You have to remember that he has been off for a year and a half. With that comes the need for things, and unemployment can't do it anymore. He is most likely feeling as he is being the provider instead of having to be dependant on you, which is ok, thats what spouses are good at taking care of each other when in need. Simply kiss him on the cheek and tell him how much you appreciate what he is doing for you and the girls, but also in the same sentence let him know that it can be done over a period of time and it doesn't have to be all at once.
Chris is simply doing what I would do, taking care of his family.....Let him be who he is........
Love to all 6 of you......We are 6 as well......Clift

mommyof2kds's picture
mommyof2kds
Posts: 522
Joined: Mar 2009

I think if he wants to work to support his family and he is feeling ok and can handle it, then let him. It is good for him to feel like he is doing something to support his family and will help him develop a sense of how important he is to help keep his family's home.. If he is exhausted and not feeling well, then that is a different story.. Work can also be a stress reliever, forget what is going on and just feel "normal" for a while.

hopeforcure49's picture
hopeforcure49
Posts: 111
Joined: Jan 2011

Let him work if he feels up to it. It helped me feel normal and took my mind off things for a while. My co-workers missed me so much, they were so happy to see me and this made me feel needed. I think for a man its harder to just sit at home, if he has been the provider. I'm a nurse so I felt good taking care of somebody else instead of someone taking care of me. Good Luck....

chicoturner's picture
chicoturner
Posts: 285
Joined: Apr 2009

Hi Mel and Chris, Just wanted to chime in. I was dx in 3/08. After my surgery I was off work for 7 months. I have been working since then, however, I am blessed to be able to take time off when I need it. Also, (I am a pre-k teacher) I have been able to begin "team teaching" and it has reduced the everyday stress of planning and being the only one in charge of those 22 4-5 year olds. Perhaps Chris is in a position of job sharing or team working? I know for me it was so important to get out of the house and back to work, as it helps me focus, even now, while I doing trials. I hope he has talked with his boss about his needs. He has to take care of himself! Best to you all. Jean

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5056
Joined: Feb 2008

My opinion is that only you and Chris can decide this for yourselves. However, I will tell you that I returned to my duty of taking care of my grandchildren about a month and a half after my surgery (I was Stage 1 and didn't do chemo). I was very tired, and even now, 3 years out, I don't have the stamina I once did. I do have a chronic pain issue since the colon resection, so I'm sure that has a part in it. I do make it a practice to try and lie down when the youngest is taking her nap. Even if I don't get to sleep, my body can rest some.

If y'all think having Chris work so much is the right thing, I think you should put as much effort as you can into making home as restful and stress-free as possible. That way his body can rejuvenate for the next day.

*hugs*
Gail

MelanieT's picture
MelanieT
Posts: 188
Joined: Nov 2009

Thanks everyone!!! I take on all extra hours and really have no problem with it but i know that chris hates(in his words) just sitting home while I work.. Plus he is so stir crazy. I am glad he is getting out i just wish he would not take on so much and rest more.. I will keep working on that !! lol

Loves,
Mel

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