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Hello out there

Laurence O
Posts: 4
Joined: Jan 2011

I just signed up this afternoon with the Cancer Survivors Network as I going through some the roughest times in my life and am reaching out anywhere I can for support and community. On January 23rd, 2009, my pulmonary specialist called with the results from an early detection program I had enrolled in...there were two spots on my right lung. Considering my family history (both parents had lung cancer, one had died), it was a safe bet to assume the worst. A PET scan the next week confirmed "hot spots" and we proceeded from there. On February 18th, 2008, I underwent surgery to remove the lower lobe of my lung. My surgeon also removed four lymph nodes of which one was microscopically "dirty" so I was now a Stage IIIA. After a recovery period, I underwent 12 weeks of chemotherapy and then followed that up with 35 sessions of radiation. I contracted pneumonia as a side effect of the radiation.
The past year of PET and CT scans have shown no recurrence of the cancer; I had a PET scan last week and it was clear. 2010 was a nightmare in many regards. I became addicted to Xanax and was taking excessive amounts of it for the whole year, which resulted in two seizures and the resetting of my sobriety date (I had 20 years, but couldn't claim that time after a year's worth of Xanax abuse. On November 16th, my mother died at age 82 from breast cancer (she had beaten small cell lung cancer 19 years ago) and upon our return to California on December 9th, my announced she was leaving me. My life has collapsed and I am in a world of hurt, pain and grief. There are days, and today is one of them, when I have no idea how I'll continue to live and thrive.

So there you have it.

z's picture
Posts: 1414
Joined: May 2009

Welcome Laurence, I like to hear good news of no recurrence of cancer. I am also happy you now have a new sobriety date. I too have 23 years as of Feb. 14th. I know you did have 20, but the fact that you have now stared with a new sobriety date means you want to be well. You have certainly gone through alot. I am sorry for the loos of your mom. I am also sorry your ? (you do not say), left. Maybe since you are not self medicating she will reconsider, but you have to stop for yourself, which I am sure you know. Remember its one day at a time. Please surround yourself with people, maybe a meeting, do not isolate, as that does no good. I am sending positive thoughts your way. Lori

Laurence O
Posts: 4
Joined: Jan 2011

Thank you. It was my wife that left me and she has indicated there is no hope for reconciliation. I am beside myself with grief over this loss. We had been together 15 years and married for two and a half. This all started when I broke my shoulder in a bicycle accident on October 8th of 2008. I was laid up for six weeks as it healed (no surgery necessary)...but since I was incapacitated, I began to turn my life over to my wife and I slowly abdicated all responsibility for everything. Then the series of events began to unfold and I disappeared, leaving my wife to do everything. She saved my life with care-giving, but I became so dependent upon her for everything...it was unhealthy and she finally hit a wall around my mother's death and the way I treated her...so she left with very little explanation. This was my first marriage and it was her third. She was also treated for bipolar disorder for the past five or six years.

I'm trying to pull myself back from this hell and I despair of getting sick again. I want to live and thrive in my life, but am so crushed by these enormous losses.

Dapsterd's picture
Posts: 291
Joined: Jun 2010

Well if you are in recovery and involved in a 12 step group, you will see that your issues are not any greater a problem than the other folks around you.

Just be concerned with what is in your immediate control, which is not much!.
Sounds like you need to step up your mtgs immediately.
You know the saying...Trust your God, Clean House, and Help Others. wishes..>Dave

I too have 6 yrs sobriety from booze, spent 3 days eating Xanax, but pulled out and immediate got re-involved in the program. I have not changed my sobriety date nor am I concerned about it. Just get out of yourself and your issues now, by helping others.


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