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fear the end is near Help

frankie310
Posts: 17
Joined: May 2010

Mom is getting worse she can hardly stand . Just started taxotere and going for three shots after. My brother and I feel she needs a wheel chair but my sister is fighting us because she wants her to stay mobil . there are just days when she cant walk .She has been halucinating but does sometimes understands everything I feel it is her call but dont want her pushed into anything .When I ask her she says she doesnt know what she wants. I was wondering if there are any excercises to help keep her legs strong that she can do in bed with our help? She does have some back fractures . We want her to be mobil but she winces in pain when we try to assist her in walking. Please help any advice . I just cant stand seeing her like this .

soccerfreaks's picture
soccerfreaks
Posts: 2801
Joined: Sep 2006

(Beatles reference)

Not to be unkind, but unless you, your brother, or your sister is a licensed medical doctor or nurse with some expertise in fields related to mom's condition, I would advise that the best source of advice is one or more of mom's doctors (or nurses).

That said, I will say that there are psychological and medical considerations at play here. Sis wants to see mom mobile for perhpas the most obvious reason: until she is incompacitated completely there is hope (or so I would surmise). In addition, from a medical perspective, sis's notion of continued mobility may help mom avoid bed sores and related infections (along with pneumonia, by the way) that may come from lying in bed constantly. Additionally, of course, I would consider that lack of mobility is not a good way to maintain morale for mom. It is, in essence, the beginning of the end in some of our eyes.

On the other hand, you boys have some points in your favor. If a wheelchair maintains mom's mobility, it increases the possibility that she is getting out and about and enjoying life, that she is sitting with her family and even strolling the street or whatever. If the wheelchair decreases issues of pain, then it is also critical because pain mgmt, by its nature, is critical to our health, to our WILL, (or so I believe).

These are just a few considerations made in the wee hours of the morn.

Ultimately, doc should make the call, in mom's ultimate best interest, and you guys and your sister should not let this come between you. You all clearly want the best for your mom. Let the professionals decide.

Best wishes to mom and her family.

Take care,

Joe

frankie310
Posts: 17
Joined: May 2010

Dear Joe,

None of us are nurses but my sis did work as an aid for the mentally handicap. I did ask the doctor last week and he said they will guide us along the way. We did ask for a hospital bed when my mother agreed to it . I do want us all to come together and agree on treatment and care . We all want the best for mom . I will talk to everyone today that its the doctors call when we see him Monday . Love the Beatles reference think I'll use it with the family . Thanks for the advice and listening this is a great place with wonderful people . Let you know what happens .

Best to everyone

Jean

hope0310's picture
hope0310
Posts: 324
Joined: May 2010

I was exactly the same, my step dad got mom a wheelchair and I was LIVID!!!! I too wanted her to be mobile as long as she could be and we were all there to assist, so to me a wheelchair was like giving up. Mom had trouble with the strength in her legs to.....could find no medical reason for it....did inpatient PT....did not help.

Sadly, my stepdad knew what he was doing...the chair was needed.

Stay strong, sometimes we tend to focus on the things that we want and not what is best for the patient. I'm guilty of that...

Elysia

frankie310
Posts: 17
Joined: May 2010

Mom entered heaven on 1/14/2011 peacefully at home with loved ones around her . We had contacted hospice but she passed before they came . I was holding her hand when the angels came . A true warrior until the end . My best friend and mother is gone . I will survive to cherish each day we had and will live, love and laugh everyday I can . I will not be another casualty of cancer , Mom would not want that . Thank you all for everything . Stay strong and perservere. Thanks Jean

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Jean,
So sorry about your mom. Even though you knew it was going to happen, I know it's hard when the end finally comes. I'm sure your mom knew you loved her and appreciated you being there with her. Please take care. It's hard to go on without our moms no matter how hard we try, but all we can do is remember the happy times. Prayers for you & your family!
"Carole"

MANTEO34
Posts: 4
Joined: Jan 2011

JEAN,

MY FATHER PASSED AWAY ON SUNDAY JAN 23RD FROM LUNG CA. I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT
YOU ARE FEELING AND GOING THROUGH. MEMORIES, LAUGHTER, AND LOVE IS WHAT WE ALL SHARE
KEEP HER IN YOUR HEART. JESUS HAS CALLED BOTH OUR PARENTS TO HEAVEN.

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