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We need to make a funny movie about colorectal cancer

Kerry S's picture
Kerry S
Posts: 607
Joined: Dec 2009

This movie would focus on the dark humor side of it. It would cover the lives of a few of us with our journey from the very beginning of this crap.

It would show the pure idiot doctors we have all encountered right along with the damn good ones like my super doc Todd Arends. The fun of finding out your insurance is canceled 1 day before major surgery, yet no one can tell you why. The fun of crapping in your pants. The pure joy of the first encounter with chemo, when the nurse comes to hook you up wearing a hazmat suit. The whole time you are asking “and you are going to put that crap in me. We would not even leave out the joy of having your crap bag explode in bed.

I know quite a few here on this board that would join me in being the technical advisors in producing this movie. Like John23, Brooks and Buzzard. I know we can get a few from the female side also.

I would like the old guy that is ex army to play me. He does a commercial now where he is a therapist and throws a box of tissues at a patient and calls him a nimby pamby jackwagon. He is my kind of guy.

I really think this could be a damn funny movie. I also think it would help the folks that will get the bad news some day soon. It would also bring attention to better funding. You know how boobs get the funding because there are boobs involved. We could get better funding with laughter.

Ok, who out there in cyber land has the contacts to get this idea off the ground?

Kerry (old guy that thinks better with percocet on top of keppra)

TMac52's picture
Posts: 358
Joined: Aug 2010

Kerry this post is so funny I am laughing out loud. That comercial is my favorite one on TV being a former marine myself (semper fi). It's a great Idea count me in I just don't want to be the guy who's bag explodes in bed!!!!!! LOL

Annabelle41415's picture
Posts: 6715
Joined: Feb 2009

Oh and the titles we could give this movie would be endless. Got stories when having the ostomy and it singing when talking to four guys - oh my goodness just wanted to crawl in a hole :) The time at Wendys after the reversal and it decided to let loose and I'm talking loose and having to walk closed cheek out of there and pulling my jacket down so it didn't show my pooped pants. Was driving and told my husband I needed to go the bathroom right now and the closest place was Steak and Shake and when I went in to the bathroom I came out, went back in and came back out, went back in and came back out and this worker was watching me. I was so embarassed because this happened five times. Bet the people around that bathroom wondered what was happening too. Oh the stories and crap we share :)


plh4gail's picture
Posts: 1238
Joined: Oct 2010

Kim, at Christmas I thought Khol's was going to call security on me. I was fine when I went there and then it all started. I was in and out of the bathroom (which is at the very back corner) sooo many times and couldn't make it half way through the store to even try to think about leaving before I had to rush back to the bathroom! Now I think it's funny, in a frustrating sort of way.

And another thing that I think is kind of funny, since my resection, I can be just having a normal time doing whatever....cooking, shopping, talking on the phone....then comes the deer in the headlight look as if I'm listening, then completely stop what I was doing like it never happened as I get that feeling I better head straight to the bathroom.

Good times, Gail


lesvanb's picture
Posts: 911
Joined: May 2008

because the a**es would get involved because there are a**es? Surely Immodium would be a sponsor?

right there with you buddy..


PS cross country skied on my brush-hogged trails today. such joy ;-).

just4Brooks's picture
Posts: 988
Joined: Jun 2009

Dude.... I got a TON of stories so sign me up!


tootsie1's picture
Posts: 5065
Joined: Feb 2008

I don't have the contacts or the money to get it done, but I sure would come up with enough bucks to go see the movie. *L*


Kenny H.'s picture
Kenny H.
Posts: 503
Joined: Aug 2010

Great idea. Co-starring: CEMO BRAIN!~....Tried for 5min to get keys in car & after finally realizing I had my truck keys instead. Go back inside to get the right set & what do I do? Grabbed spare set of truck keys & did the same thing! Didnt even want to drive after that.

plh4gail's picture
Posts: 1238
Joined: Oct 2010

Back in the beginning of my journey, I had to argue on the phone with my insurance why I needed a surgeon out of my area. I now drive 4-5 hours to Stanford. My town is a farm town, a lot of agriculture and low income. I ended up yelling at this insurance baffoon that if he was trying to tell me I had to see a surgeon in this town I might as well make an appointment at the local veterinary clinic. He transferred me to a sup. and it was taken care of from there.

p.s. I would see docs here for other things, but not this girl's rectum as I was trying to save it.

Posts: 1956
Joined: Oct 2009

that has extra soft seats, with foot massagers on floor and hand massagers built into armrests to be available if needed; additional restrooms that include space for bag changes and receptacles for the full ones; pleasantly scented air; room for IV stands; volume loud enough to be heard over ferocious flatulence; no vending of popcorn, peanuts and crackerjacks; on duty medical team; if filmed in 3-D,free 3-D glasses (with barf bag) and free admission to all who've paid their due dooooos.......

Lovekitties's picture
Posts: 3372
Joined: Jan 2010

You have certainly gotten into the spirit of Kerry's movie!

pete43lost_at_sea's picture
Posts: 3908
Joined: Nov 2010

I hope this is not to X rated.

I could imagine a scene where this great looking bald well built guy is in the bar just walking around.

maybe doing some moves on the dance floor.
all the hot babes are checking him out.
what they seem to be noticing is the large bulge in his tight pants.

the irony is that its not exactly what they think its his inflated bag thats hanging a bit low.

not sure where or how the scene ends but the possibilities are endless.
what a great laugh.

I also had a call today this great cameraman one man movie studio has finished a 10 minute
movie of my cancer story and being lost at sea. I'll put up a post when its up on utube.

lizzydavis's picture
Posts: 893
Joined: May 2009

Email Oprah - I hear she is looking for some new ideas. I think it would be a hit!

johnnybegood's picture
Posts: 1122
Joined: Oct 2008

i want to play the girl with the farting animals.last night my dog was really cutting some stinky ones.

pluckey's picture
Posts: 484
Joined: Jul 2009

Kerry, you are hilarious! My dad says I should take my poo-bag stories and the times I scared all the 'Doogie-Howsers" when I was swearing and screaming and crying like Linda Blair possessed and do a stand-up routine. I should look at my blog again for the funnier passages - the bag-blow outs in the Cancer Center waiting room are real gems!


Posts: 3692
Joined: Oct 2009

I wondering if Jack Nicholson could play you Kerry, if the tissue man is unavailable (I haven`t seen his commercials; we don`t always get the same ones as you).

Kerry S's picture
Kerry S
Posts: 607
Joined: Dec 2009

The scary old woman says actor that needs to play me should be someone like Georg C Scott for the way he played Patton. Back when I had to work for a living, a few folks that I worked with said I was like Patton. Always getting into trouble, but getting the job done.


Nana b's picture
Nana b
Posts: 3045
Joined: May 2009

I'll play the person that gets fired, and I sues their asre!

Posts: 67
Joined: Oct 2010

I was feeling way down in the dumps today. But, not anymore!
That's the funniest blog I have read yet and a good idea.
I need Lori to teach me how to do that little happy face. The one you draw.

Diane :)

mukamom's picture
Posts: 402
Joined: Oct 2010

This is good! The namby pamby dude's name is R. Lee Ermey...just in case, ya know. He would make a great Kerry!..if you haven't seen the commericial, you can google it..we laugh everytime we see it.

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