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Palliative Care - Our only option :(

Posts: 7
Joined: Dec 2010

Being told that there is nothing more that can be done almost, if not, tops the list of things you never want to hear.

Today...that was exactly what we were told. My stepdad (I'm close enough to him to consider him a father), who has been fighting NHL since March,2010 is losing his battle. Although you would never be able to tell that the tall, slender, outgoing, similing, and friendly guy is going through the hardest battle of his life.

I hate sitting here, miles away knowing that my mom and him are sitting in silence, unsure of what to say to each other, and the only noise is the tv that seems to be faded out behind fearful and overwhelming thoughts of death and the occasional sniffle resulting from a stream of tears.

I am at a loss of words for both my mom and stepdad, and the only thing I have left to offer is my support. I just wish, in every way possible, that there was something....anything, that could be done.

Life is unfair and although I struggle with the thought of losing someone I love, the thought of him suffering is something I fear even more.

I loathe today.

Posts: 1154
Joined: Jun 2010

I am so sorru. Please feel free to PM if you need to talkM

Posts: 1846
Joined: Aug 2010

No one likes being told to quit. Just isn't in our nature.

Life is so precious we cannot imagine anything along the lines of giving up.

You are in my thoughts, haw1114.


Hopeful720's picture
Posts: 92
Joined: Feb 2010


I am so sorry that you and your family had to hear those words. I heard them in October for my father. I felt angry at the Doctors' for giving up on him - I did not understand. How could there be nothing left. Like you though, you struggle with the thought of losing someone you love so much, but also with the thought of them suffering. Your family will be in my prayers. All you can do is give your love and support, and that will mean so much.

Hugs from across the miles...

lindaprocopio's picture
Posts: 2022
Joined: Oct 2008

Please know that palliative care doesn't mean giving up; it is not the same thing as ceasing treatment in most cases. Palliative care means something very different than hospice care. Did they say they were going to cease treatment and only treat for pain? My own cancer is not curable and I've known that for over a year. Once that determination was made, the goal of a cure was over, but the new goal is to control my cancer so that I can have the best quality of life for the longest time possible. And that is a goal I am achieving.

Instead of taking harsh doubly-whammy chemo cocktails like I did when I was trying to achieve a cure, for the last year of palliative care I have been taking single agent chemos, fractionated so they can be given in smaller doses, to hold my cancer in check. This palliative care has allowed me to live a rich vibrant life these past 14 months, with no symptoms of my cancer and no real side affects from my treatment. Most of the time I feel completely healthy, even though I have been in almost constant treatment all year and have stage 4 cancer. I go out to eat, have sleepovers with my grandkids, advise and assist with the family business,...LIVE. My palliative treatments are a small interruption in my life, but do not DEFINE my life.

I've made my peace with my journey. Please do not fear this shift in goals. Your father may still have some good years left and palliative care can make that remaining time pain-free and maybe even symptom-free. ((((Hugs))))

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