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Lost A Fighter

Posts: 267
Joined: Oct 2010

I am a poster here and I know that this is off-topic, but I just had to say something. I met a woman at a Gilda's discussion group who was suffering from stage 4 cancer. I only met this woman once, but she made quite an impression on me. She was valiantly battling a cancer that had ravaged her body but she was still upbeat and very much in the fight. Today, I heard that she had lost her battle. I thought about why hearing about a woman's death that I barely knew would make me emotional and sad. I know that since my two battles with cancer that I am more in tune with others who suffer this dreadful disease. I guess it puts us all into a common ground. I think that we in the know tend to celebrate victories and mourn losses more than people who have not 'been there' as we have. I would be interested to hear what others have to say on this topic.


soccerfreaks's picture
Posts: 2801
Joined: Sep 2006

I would tend to agree, and find it unsurprising. What we share, I think, first and foremost, is a strong sense of our mortality. Beyond that, of course, the comparisons are numerous, the treatments, the treatment, the inconveniences, the emotional aspects of this, but, again, the shared knowledge of mortality, that appeals to me most as the most common bond.

We sit next to each other, perhaps, in a Chemo Palace, and we wonder who is next to go. We wait for rads and are thankful that we have at least had some years to live as they wheel a youngster past us for his daily dose. We share a fear and hopefully a hope.

And, yes, we feel something lost when we lose one, especially one that we have come to know, even in the most minimal way. I have lost quite a number of friends on this very site, people I came to consider friends, even though we never came face to face. When they died, I felt pain, that's for sure.

Even when a famous stranger passes away, a Fawcett, an Edwards, we tend to mourn them because they were 'one of us'.

Yes, I agree. There is something to it. Something to the common bond.

Take care,


Hondo's picture
Posts: 6643
Joined: Apr 2009

So very true that there is a command link between all of us, when one of us hurt we all hurt. When one of are doing well we all celebrate together and when one of us fall we are all sadden by the news.

Great post my friend

Jan Trinks's picture
Jan Trinks
Posts: 477
Joined: Apr 2009

I totally agree with Joe and Hondo. There is a common bond among cancer survivors, victims and their loved ones. As I lost my husband to this terrible disease in August; I find I do pay attention to the news, things I hear, etc. etc. And I think and keep those I hear about but don't know in my prayers as we know better than anyone else what it is truly like. As a matter of fact, my best friend sent me an e-mail this week that she had received from a friend of hers about the daughter of a client who is 30 years old; noticed a bump on her neck, docs thought it had to do with her thyroid and when they went to remove it; it was cancer and was so deep in that it shut down her trachea and now she is on a ventilator; has a two year old son and is 16 weeks pregnant. Docs have told her that radiation would not do much good at this point and if she has it, it will kill the baby. If she makes it 8 more weeks they can deliver the baby. And when asked (she can't talk, but can write) by her doctor what outcome she wanted, she said she wanted her outcome to be for the glory of God. So the prayer request is that she be healed if that's in the Master Plan; the baby live and course strength for her parents and husband. Talk about a trooper and a fighter. I don't know this person but feel so bad for her family, because I've truly lived and am living the heartbreak of this disease. But I did also get to rejoice in the fact that my husband was cancer free for a year and a half before it came back with avegence. But it's still a big loss and I do feel great compassion for those who are still battling the disease and whether we know them or not or whether they're regular folks like us or famous people; it's still the same and affects all of us who have had to deal with it. Good post and thought provoking.

Jan (Basketcase)

Kent Cass
Posts: 1898
Joined: Nov 2009

Really can relate to this, Roger. I finished my H&N in early-April of 09, and everyone in family was so into it for me. Then, right out of the blue, my only sibling/my Sister Sue had a 15-minute episode of doublevision in early-June of 09. Within a week the Drs. used an MRI to find brain lessions as the cause for the vision thing, and headaches she'd been battling for months. Within another week they found a 4" tumor in her upper left lung, which was the Primary, and she was immediately kicked into the "quality of life" mode. They used rads to ace the head problem, but she was never well enough to get any Chemo, as they found the lung-C had spread to elsewhere. Initially, when they found the lung tumor, she was given anywhere from 6-months to 2-years, but that was before they knew how far it had spread. She didn't even live 4-months after the doublevision episode, Roger. Every Saturday I would drive over to her house and sit with her awhile, both of us knowing where this was taking her. Oh, she did put-up a valiant fight, but pneumonia set-in, and there was nothing the Drs. could do to ace it. My having just finished treatment gave me a familiarity with what she had and was going thru, and I was able to help her some because of my experience. So sad. She was only 52. Did grieve me a lot that I couldn't help her more, though.


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