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My boyfriend has lymphoma and decided to stop treatment

Posts: 2
Joined: Dec 2010

this is my first time posting. but i met my boyfriend five months ago at work. since the beginning he has been straight up about his cancer. we have officially been together for two months now. he battles with morning sickness everyday. he can't even eat without getting sick. he gets really bad fevers. he started treatments not too long ago but it seems as though the rituxan isn't working on him. he seems to just be frustrated or in denial. he feels as though the doctors don't know what they are doing and he's just a big experiment. today he has decided to refuse any further treatment. i'm taking this really hard because i feel like he is giving up on life. we're both 21 years old. i often ask myself what i got myself into, but for some reason i feel like i was put in his life for a reason. i'm just taking it really hard cause now i feel like our time together is limited. i wish he would just swallow his pride and give in to treatments.

Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Why would your boyfriend want to stop treatments when he is so young and has so much living to do yet? Tell him not to give up and keep fighting. This has got to be hard, cause I know you probably want him to keep having treatments. Getting sick from the chemo has got to be miserable, but if there's any possibility that it'll help he has to think positive.
Good luck! "Carole"

believeit 2011
Posts: 39
Joined: Dec 2010

It's understandable to not want to be sick all the time. I lost a good friend at 35 from lymphoma and after many years in and out of remmission he quit his treatments and gave in. I wish I knew then what I know now from my own research I may have been able to help him. So first, know that he doesn't have to quit and neither do you. It is not unusual to feel like a guinea pig when going through treatment and that hurts your chances of success. There are alternative therapies that may help. They can be effective but take longer than conventional treatments. Search alternative therapy on here and you should find some helpfull information. Nutrition is a HUGE part of fighting cancer. There is a good book called Beating Cancer with Nutrition by Dr. Patrick Quillan. You can usually find a copy at a used book store. It has some great strategies for complimenting conventional treatments or going a different route. Another way is with TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine) When one choses to take control of their treatment it empowers you and mentaly gives you an advantage. Many times a cancer patient will feel like a puppet just following a doctors instructions and feeling helpless is not a good mental state. He needs to get active in his battle and you can help. Tell him to find a naturopathic doctor , or find one for him, and get a consultation. You ARE there for a reason, we all are, and you don't have to feel helpless either. You've already taken good steps by coming here. He may need to hear some success stories about people who win their battles with cancer. People DO beat cancer They are here, just look around. HE has to WANT to beat cancer. No one can do it for him but he is lucky to have you on his side.
Good luck, and God bless.
Take care

bluerose's picture
Posts: 1102
Joined: Jul 2009

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through right now with your boyfriend. I had Non hodgkins lymphoma and that was 23 years ago and I am considered cured. It was a long hard process, I won't lie, but I lived through it. Of course I have no information about what type of lymphoma your boyfriend has or the stages but he is too young to give up.

He is probably just scared and had no idea how sick he would be from treatments and since he is young he is probably just feeling so low he wants to throw in the towel but even though I don't have any more details here I never think that one should give up hope and keep fighting. Too much is out there to help cancer patients these days.

One thing you said hit home. You said that he has little faith in his doctors, well that was implied I thought by the words you used, this isn't good. A patient needs to trust their doctors implicitely - that is part of the healing process. I don't know how well you know his parents or him really as your relationship is so knew but perhaps you can try to get the parents or him to seek a second opinion and in the meantime also have him or the two of you or the whole family seek counselling. Grief counsellors can get him through the anger he is probably going through. He will go through many stages but the fact that he is giving up is not good all the way around.

Talk to one of his friends or his parents or him, anyone who might be able to get him to change his mind and please try to get him to see another doctor who he can relate to and trust more. It can make all the difference.

Tell him about me who had lymphoma 23 years ago and was cured 21 years ago and tell him of all the new treatments out there since that time. Cancer is not what it used to be for many people and there are many many success stories.

We have a chatroom on this site too and many in there are long term survivors who can talk to you or him about other issues you might have with it all.

Tell him I said DON'T EVER GIVE UP. Yes, it's hard during treatment but with the right docs and counselling and support he has a good chance of beating this thing. NEVER EVER GIVE UP.

Keep us posted.


Posts: 2
Joined: Dec 2010

Thank you all for your support! You make me feel a lot better. I was able to convince him to go back to treatment. I don't have a lot of information on his cancer because he says he's trying not to make it a part of my life. but no matter what, it will be. like one of you said, i was brought to him for a reason. and i really care for him a lot. he's my best friend. and its funny to see how much better he is when i'm around. he says my cooking is the only food he can hold down. lol so i will be looking into that book about nutrition. but thank you all so much!! you truly are great support. may God bless you all.

Posts: 1
Joined: Nov 2011

I'd like to tell you my story, so here it is: my boyfriend has a lymphoma
he didn't relize it till last summer and um he actually acting like strangely he doesn't want to talk to me about his health anymore and just keep on acting like everything is alright,However i know that deep inside him there is something he'd like to tell me about his illiness but he just keep on hiding it for some reasons i don't know ..anyway
the problem is that he told he is going to have chemotherapy during this year,
which I don't know when it will happen but all I know is that he didn't began it yet which makes me so anxious about it..
Did he gave up on his life? does he want to suicide..?
I don't know and this is so much confusing me :(
please Help me

Posts: 562
Joined: Apr 2011

I happened across your story by accident. How is he doing your boyfriend. When will he start the chemo. The time between diagnosis and the start of treatment is very scary. You do not know what to expect, so u r scared. Of course he does not want you to be scared either or his family. So he has to be brave. It is a difficult time. U should try to have fun with him and make him feel special. The first time I had cancer I was 23. It changed who I was as a person, realizing I was so vulnerable.

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