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Do I give up my career to be with my mom?

Posts: 5
Joined: Dec 2010

Hi everybody,

I'm dealing with a seriously difficult decision. I worked very hard to get where I am in life and I have a rewarding career. My mother helped pay for my college, and supported me the whole way. She expressed to me that she would never want me to give up my career for her. On the other hand, I have this deep passionate drive to be with her for her last days/months/years. After all, she's been there for me 30 years, I should be there for her for as long as I can.

Please help, any one decide one way or the other and have thoughts about it?

cbeckman's picture
Posts: 14
Joined: Nov 2010

Although this decision is completely up to you, Weigh it strongly! Check in to all the resources available, What other family can do, what orgainzations can do, etc. See if your job is willing to work with you. If your job is a decent one, and it sounds that it is, you should be able to take family medical leave. I don't know how sick your mom is, but make sure you do some resarch before you decide. Good moms never want to put their children out, but if you were in her shoes, what would you want? The worst punishment a person can put on themselves is guilt.

Lots of luck to you! I hope everything works out!

Posts: 68
Joined: Dec 2010

My daughter is now 19 years old. She has been disabled since birth with mental problems. I had a very good career and am very glad I gave it up to be with my daughter and raise her. Now that my mom is dying from mets to her breast and bones, I am very grateful to God for making a path for me to take care of her and not have her die in a home where at best she is a patient and at worst...... well, I wont go there. There is absolutely nothing in the world (money, position, etc.) that could ever replace being with my mom and taking care of her and my daughter.

On the other hand, my mom is very sweet even on morophine. Last week a friend of mine had her mother in the hospital 2 rooms away from my mom. Her mom went to the dr with a cough mid November. Three weeks later she was diagnosed with cancer and given morophine in the hospital. She got very mean on the morophine and actually threw something at her nurse, put her kids in tears because of horribly mean things she would say, etc. Also to make it even worse, she actually died in the hospital one day when I ws visiting my mom. It was only 3 weeks before that she complained of a cough that wouldnt go away.... Very, very sad.

Posts: 2
Joined: Dec 2010

I can completely understand where you are coming from. I am at the same crossroad myself. I am in nursing school and scheduled to graduate soon, but I cannot bear the thought of my mom not being in attendance. I'm having difficulty going to school everyday as I just want to be with her. My mom keeps making me promise that I finish school and I've come to realize that me giving up my schooling cannot change her diagnosis and it would really devastate her if I did. I've come to realize that, her seeing my success in life is part of what keeps her fighting. I know how it feels to want to stop everything and be by her side because nothing else matters, but you have to live your life. She knows your there for her regardless if your working! I hope I helped a little by sharing what I'm going through too.

Posts: 68
Joined: Dec 2010

both my brothers continue to work while I take care of mom. One of them even live a few states away but calls her every single morning without fail and has for years. My mom is very proud of both her boys and talks about their jobs and lives with great satisfaction. She would feel horrible if either of them gave up their lives/jobs to take care of her or be with her more and she would feel like a burden to them. With myself even she didnt want me to know and instead wanted me to start dating again and having a "life" lol. But her mind wasnt quite right at the time and she forgot I was with her when the dr first told her about the bone mets. Besides, my mom and my daughter are my life.

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