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Sue,are you there?

COBRA666's picture
COBRA666
Posts: 2413
Joined: May 2010

Sue,
I haven't seen any post from you in the past couple of days. That either means you are taking a break or the chemo is dragging you down. If it is the chemo you will probably start feeling a little more strength in the last days just before your last session. You are going to have to take it easy though so you can build some energy. The last chemo session #6 will probably really zap you. Even a month after you will still feel worn out. But it will get better with each day after about a month even though you don't think it is. Its been 2 months for me and still not 100%,but a lot better than a month ago when I was just a month out of #6. It is all normal with all the stuff that was pumped into us. I was waking up tired before and after the last session,but that got better with time. The eyes feel a lot better since I started the eye drops,but still feel a little tired after being awake for 10 hours. That crap may be out of our bodies in a month or so ,but the effects linger a lot longer. The body has a lot of rebuilding to do. John(FNHL-1-4A-5/10)

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3184
Joined: Jul 2010

Hi John,
Yep...I'm here, in body, but not so much in "spirit". Been a rough go since round 5..well actually since round 4. The chemo has really taken it's toll on me physically and mentally. I've adjusted to the fatigue and been good about not doing crazy things that hurt my body, but I need to work on my mental thinking. I look in the mirror and don't know the face staring back at me. Dark circles under my eyes,pale dull skin, short a$$ hair thats not the least bit flatering or attractive, and even when I "DO" clean up I'm un-happy with the finished product. Not to mention the tingling in my fingers and toes, leg cramps at night that wake me up, and stiff achey joints. Can't even make out my Christmas cards without dropping the pen, and forget about baking my usual Christmas goodies..my thoughts are so scattered I've ruined more receipes and just end up throwing the stuff in the garbage. All of my friends are busy shopping and going to holiday get togethers, lunches,Christmas bazares,etc...and all I can muster up exists doing not-so-fun stuff here at home. Well...how's that for a "woe is me" pity party?..hahaha! I know..this too will soon pass and things will eventually get better, but...it's hard to always try to be up-beat and perky when it feels like your life has been turned inside out. Oh well...one more round..thank goodness! Other than that John...I'm just fine and dandy! ha! Don't worry...I'm a Libra, so it won't be long and I'll get my scales in balance again...I'm not one to linger in the "woe is me" zone for any length of time.
Love...Sue (FNHL-2-3A-6/10)

forme's picture
forme
Posts: 1162
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi Sue,
I am so sorry to hear of your struggles. You are almost done, and then you can start to rebuild your health and life. From my past and present experience with ca at Christmas time, try and do the least amount of anything. I know that will be so very hard, but next Christmas you can make up for it. The baking can wait. And if the mirror is not your friend right now, stay away! It will be better soon. Thinking of you..
Peaceful healing
Lisha

COBRA666's picture
COBRA666
Posts: 2413
Joined: May 2010

Sue,
I sorta figured it was the chemo doing a number on you. I know all about that scene. The memory becomes shot and its hard to figure anything out in your mind. I cooked a few things a couple of months ago and you wouldn't believe some of the stuff I forgot to put in the mixture. One time I even forgot to put in the water for a caserole. Didn't taste bad,just dry as heck.The whole time I was on chemo I would get on here to type and when I'd go back to read it, I would say "What the hells this"..Sometimes I could not even understand what I had written.Sometimes can't think of the right word and sometimes can't remember how to spell the simple ones. I still go back and reread,but its no ways as bad as it was. I couldn't believe some of the words I'd leave out. I was thinking faster than I could type or visa versa. It will get better after the chemo is done,but not right away. It will take more than few weeks to really notice anything. I know you feel like you are 120 years old,been there too. Before chemo I felt like a real young person all the time. I could walk forever and never got tired. Now I feel achiness in my hips for just a short distance. thats getting better too. I am absent minded anyway but with the chemo it really destroyed my memory. I think it does that to everyone from what I read on here. I went thru those terrible leg cramps that make you jump out of bed and feel fully awake. They are awful to say the least.You really feel like its not going to get any better,but it does. I think about you and the rest of the people all the time and how things are going with everyone. You have something to really look forward to in the Spring with that new baby on the way. Hang in there,we have too. John(FNHL-1-4A-5/10)

vinny59's picture
vinny59
Posts: 1032
Joined: Nov 2006

Hey Sue! do as much as you can do....... rest, rest rest! I know the feeling about looking into the mirror, and not knowing the face in it..... I was going to cover all the mirrors in the house at one point!!!! Till my wife said, I'm still me inside!!! It will be all over soon..... Vinny

tcvine's picture
tcvine
Posts: 174
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi Sue,

Good to hear from you Sue. And thanks for your post. I agree, cancer sucks. All of those symptoms that you describe hit me after this last infusion. It has hit me harder than any, and I am only one ahead of you. You have been so optimistic and positive during your whole ordeal that you have been very helpful to everyone here. So don't worry about feeling bad and saying so. You are near the end. Just focus on that. It will get better, even if we don't really think so right now.

BTW, what day is your last infusion?

My last (#6) infusion was the day before Thanksgiving, and it has been the most difficult one so far. But this week I do plan to get back my exercise regimen and start rebuilding.

This morning I have to take my older brother to the hospital for his first colonoscopy. This should be fun. I'll take my Kindle as well.
Wish me luck.

And good wishes to you, my friend.
Tom (DLBCL-4-7/10)

merrywinner's picture
merrywinner
Posts: 627
Joined: Aug 2009

First let me say that I am sorry the "lousy stuff" has hit for a bit. It's hard to warn someone about all of these thoughts and feelings ahead of time because I think everyone experiences them a little differently. Believe me when I say I know how you feel. You can barely tread water and then along comes Christmas, a time when everyone has to be at the top of their game to pull it all off and on top of that enjoy it too!! I was in the middle to end of my treatments last year at Christmas and it was hard for me,until.....I realized that that Christmas would be different. I wasn't going to be able to do it all. I knew I had to have help and possibly let some things go etc. I was OK with that and had the help and made the required changes and all but it wasn't until I truly accepted the help and the reason for it that things became good. I had to tell myself that all of my expectations for the Christmas season would be a little different this year and that if I played my cards right next year would be back to "normal". Once I accepted this and allowed myself to now enjoy it, all went much better. My kids did the tree(with me as boss from the couch),they also did the baking,each making a few of their favorites and then exchanging(a new tradition we'll keep for this year). I also did a lot of shopping online so I could stay out of public. Needless to say it was a wonderful Christmas after all. The key is to not only accept the situation but to absolutely be A-OK with it. Trust me this year it's all pretty much back to the norm except for some of the new things we liked from last year. I hope this long-winded message helped in some small way. Just remember...you give yourself permission to be OK with it, everyone else already is. Take care and enjoy. Mary

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3184
Joined: Jul 2010

Hi guys,
Thanks for the moral support! I am better today and even plan on getting out of the house for a couple of hours. My oldest son is on his way over to pick me up and we are going to go to lunch and then run a few errands I've put off doing. I'm not usually a cry baby about things, but I think seeing my hair cut after my hair guy came on Friday just put me in a funk. He didn't shave my head, but it's really really short, which is a look I'm not fond of. Like he said "it will grow back" and hair doesn't define who we are. Well...better get off of here and get my shoes on..."places to go and people to see" just need to make sure I stay away from the sickies...sure don't want to get sick this close to the end of treatment.
Love...Sue (FNHL-2-3A-6/10)
P.S...Tom...my last treatment is on Tuesday Dec. 14th, and then I get a CT scan the next week. Probably won't get the results until after Christmas.

truckingalong
Posts: 444
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi, Sue,

Hope by now you feel better. I know how you feel - after having the chemo last week, the bus had been slowly going over me - I was not sure if it is over or coming back but realize it is still running! Headaches, leg and stomach cramps, sore throat, teeth hurting, etc. What did not help was the chill making my body ache - it had been really windy and cold out there! I went out to buy more scarves and caps so to keep warm - there were a lot of people at the mall but I ran into one store then scooted out so to avoid sickies. Yes, I am thinking of spring - looking forward to our new hair coming out. Several times, I got chills when I got cold and my head would feel it - ahh! The chills on my head!! It was weird and yucky! Other than that, what helped me was shopping online, drinking tea, taking naps, doing stretches and spending time with hubby.

Thinking of you with hugs,
Liz

nhldaughter
Posts: 69
Joined: Nov 2010

Hi Sue, I am so sorry you are feeling down! Just ONE MORE! My mom is barely going to start this Thursday and I am already getting chills just thinking about it. But, you've got one more, and hopefully (I am praying for you) that will be it! All results will come back crystal clear and you can move on to better things in life! Hang in there.

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3184
Joined: Jul 2010

Did the doctors decide what treatment..R-CHOP or something else? I hope it's a milder chemo like CVP-R because of her age...she's 65 right? I'll keep your mom in my my prayers!
Love...Sue (FNHL-2-3A-6/10)

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