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Scan results not the best

annad723's picture
annad723
Posts: 44
Joined: Nov 2010

Well I've just returned from NY and the news wasn't the best. There is a new, small lesion in my liver that wasn't there before. While the other lesions are stable, some have even shrunk a little, a new one has popped up. Also, a lymph node is very slightly enlarged. CEA is up to 23. On the positive side, all blood work, liver enzymes,and liver functions are normal. My liver continues to function in spite of the cancer.

I am no longer in the clinical trial and am moving on to my 4th drug. Getting scared as the length of time that these drugs are working seems to be getting shorter. Doctor is still upbeat and says we are just turning the page and not closing the book.

So back to the chemo room for me. I really hate that place. So miss my old life. 50 yrs old and stage IV cancer-----really tired. 2 yrs is a long time to be fighting but I guess it's better than the alternative. I hate cancer and everything about it. If one more person tells me these things make you stronger, I may totally lose it. I don't want to be stronger. I'd rather be weak thank you very much.

I will try to be positive and remain upbeat. But really, who am I kidding? I will be getting an infusion on Dec. 23rd. What a great holiday. Oh and my port is no longer functioning and needs to come out. Anything else. Oh yeah, I forgot. I've also gained 30 pounds. So stage IV colon cancer with multiple mets to the liver, busted port, and a gigantic fat ***. The joke's on me.

Anyway, fellow cancer friends, thanks for listening to a very cranky lady this friday evening. Oh and I'm tired of cancer commercials too!! Anna

geotina's picture
geotina
Posts: 2123
Joined: Oct 2009

Gosh I'm sorry. We received bad news a couple weeks ago. George was doing so well then that damn CEA shot up. Pet and CT revealed progression. George has it in the liver and lungs. Had liver biopsy last week to make sure it is not something new we are looking at. He had been on light maintenance for 15 months and did very well but now we will be on to the 2nd line of treatment. Like you, liver function tests are good and blood work is excellent. We see the onc on Monday to see where we go from here.

I hate it when people say stuff like it makes you stronger, I just smile because they mean well but what I want to say is blow it out your a--.

Stay strong - Tina

annad723's picture
annad723
Posts: 44
Joined: Nov 2010

Thanks Tina. There are a lot of treatments out there. I am sure there is a lot that can be done for George. Take care and good luck on Monday. Anna

Lovekitties's picture
Lovekitties
Posts: 3372
Joined: Jan 2010

So sorry that the news was not better.

As only those of us diagnosed with cancer can know, dealing with it drains all of our resources physically and emotionally. There are times when it seems that there is just not much more in us to fight, but then along comes a loved one or friend who can give us just the right boost and we find we are still able to keep on fighting.

It seems like you got a mixed bag from the treatment you were on...some good and some not so good, but it was not a total failure. There are still more possibilities and it sounds like your doc is in your corner and going to move on to the next treatment.

I hope that as you regroup emotionally you will feel that you can have a happy holiday. While you may not be in the best physical shape of your life, at least you are still here with family and friends. Don't let cancer rob you of a single happy moment with them.

Hugs

Marie who loves kitties

annad723's picture
annad723
Posts: 44
Joined: Nov 2010

Thanks for your lovely comments Marie. Yes, you are right. It was not a total failure. I know I will regroup, it's just going to take me a few days. I know I shouldn't go on about my physical shape, but it's like I've lost control of everything. Anyway, thanks for the support. Anna

Lovekitties's picture
Lovekitties
Posts: 3372
Joined: Jan 2010

Well, mine has never been glamor girl slender...lol...so one of the 'good side effects' of having cancer and surgery was weight loss for me. Still not thin, but better.

I know that the 'little things' like gaining weight or losing your hair or other physical changes just add insult to injury..just one more thing we can't control.

Not a problem for you to feel 'out of control'...we all are since diagnosis and some days it is harder to deal with than others.

You are entitled to your feelings and I am glad you came here to vent them cause you know we know what you mean.

Take care

Marie who loves kitties

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5065
Joined: Feb 2008

Hey, Anna.

I'm sorry you got the bad news. It seems especially rough right here in the holiday season, doesn't it? It's bound to knock the wind out of your sails.

If people tell you this will make you stronger, why don't you invite them to come to chemo with you and see how strong they feel then! People really try, but they just don't realize how their words can annoy or hurt us.

Hope you'll be able to enjoy Christmas with your family, despite all this. Praying for a great outcome for you!

*hugs*
Gail

annad723's picture
annad723
Posts: 44
Joined: Nov 2010

thanks gail. your words mean so much. Anna

sasjourney
Posts: 395
Joined: Jul 2010

Hi Anna,

I am sorry to hear your news and can feel your pain. I think it is especially hard to deal with cancer around the holidays when we want to enjoy the season as we did before we got cancer. This disease takes so much from us.

Things will get better...think about all the positive things in your life. That is how I try to cope with it all.

Hugs,
Sara

annad723's picture
annad723
Posts: 44
Joined: Nov 2010

Thanks Sara. The holidays are difficult, but I will focus on the fact that I am HERE. You are so right. Focus on the positive.

christinecarl's picture
christinecarl
Posts: 545
Joined: Sep 2009

I am sorry it is back to the chemo room for you. As hard as it is too gain weight, if you start losing mass amounts for no reason, that is bad. So when you are feeling so tired you can't move forward, let us here carry you. Best of luck with this round.

annad723's picture
annad723
Posts: 44
Joined: Nov 2010

Hi Christine,

Thanks for your kind comments. This discussion board has been a blessing.

AnneCan
Posts: 3692
Joined: Oct 2009

I am so sorry you got this news. Good news as that the other spots are stable or have shrunk. The new drug may treat you right. By the way, in the photo you don't look like you could have anywhere a "fat ***". You will get the port thing figured out. I don't think Canadian tv is allowed to show cancer commercials, because I don't ever see them. We are more limited here with regards to prescription drugs + lawyers advertising - maybe a good thing. I have noticed a lot of tv shows suddenly have a cancer twist. That happened tonight + kind of bugged me. I HATE CANCER!

mommyof2kds's picture
mommyof2kds
Posts: 522
Joined: Mar 2009

Anna, sorry to hear what you are going through. It sucks, you are right. Cancer sucks and chemo is poison, but what are we to do, but to continue to fight for our families. Hang in there, give yourself time to regroup and gather your thoughts. Hugs..

annad723's picture
annad723
Posts: 44
Joined: Nov 2010

Thanks Anne. Old picture. There is a temporary halt in my house of any picture taking!!!

khl8
Posts: 810
Joined: Nov 2009

Anna,
I am so sorry that you have to keep trying new and differnt drugs!! and I totally understand how you feel about people's comments. If one more person had said to me " God will only give you no more than you can handle", I think I would have punched them! I was lucky in a way, i continued to work during chemo and while some thought this was an amazing feat, others gave me the attitude that "this is not so bad". Yes, not so bad, getting hooked up to poison, dragging it around with you for days on end, not feeling well, having to warm everything I drank, all while dealing with an illeostomy and the menapause as they did a hysterectomy while I had the resection. So, more than I can handle? when I look back, I realize that I may have tried to hard to act normal when in fact I was in a place that is not for the weak and faint of heart. when they say you have to become a Warrior,they are correct. So get out your battle gear, and remember that there are a group of people here who will rally behind you and join you in your fight!!! Because we KNOW what you are going through!!!!
Kathy

annad723's picture
annad723
Posts: 44
Joined: Nov 2010

thanks Kathy. Battle gear is ready.

pepebcn's picture
pepebcn
Posts: 6352
Joined: Aug 2010

Just keep strength, let's go fight together here we are to help you !.
Let's go to do it together!
Take Care!

annad723's picture
annad723
Posts: 44
Joined: Nov 2010

Thank you pepe. I will continue to fight. I think of my dad everytime I see a post from you. His name was Giuseppe, Peppino for short, and pepe for even shorter. Thank you for responding.

annad723's picture
annad723
Posts: 44
Joined: Nov 2010

Thank you pepe. I will continue to fight. I think of my dad everytime I see a post from you. His name was Giuseppe, Peppino for short, and pepe for even shorter. Thank you for responding.

plh4gail's picture
plh4gail
Posts: 1238
Joined: Oct 2010

Hi Anna, I'm pretty new here but have learned the value of this great group of people. Sorry to hear about your news. I do like your Dr's attitude about turning the page and not closing the book. Enjoy all the positive and upbeat days/moments you have, but you totally deserve to be cranky and vent when you feel like it too. I think it gets those feelings out of the way for the time so we can continue to fight on.

You inspire me, Gail

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