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Sue are you awake

forme's picture
forme
Posts: 1162
Joined: Aug 2010

Sue are you awake,
I am hoping you or anyone is still out there.
I thought that I had it together today, but now that the house is quiet, well I am starting to break. Sitting here thinking about all the ca just living inside me. is very scary. The rational part of me understands that they are growing slow, but the emotional part of me, is not liking any of it. Two cancers is to many. And to be told that there are few to no options for one of them is just crap. I will do my best to fight, it's just so lonley and scary right now. I am trying so hard to keep my happy face on, but all I did today was stay inside. I didn't even go to my moms or MIL. I sent keith to visit both of them. Poor guy, he is doing everything.
I just hate being scared, and I hate cancer.
Your strength and courage, has give me so much. I love your humor, you remind me of keith. He has a sarcastic type of humor. Most people don't get him, I know you would.
I keep thinking of how close you are to remission, I hope to be there again someday.
Stay strong, peaceful healing
Lisha

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3184
Joined: Jul 2010

Hi Lisha,
I've been sitting here for 2 hours looking at floor plans on log cabins...sorry I didn't check back to the group site sooner. I'm so sorry you are feeling scared tonight. I've sat here more than one night mind tripping about chemo not working, this cancer coming back or wondering how long remission will last,etc,etc. It's terribly scary Lisha and with you not having a formal plan in place for treatment, I can only imagine how scared you are. I think as soon as you get these last few tests out of the way and finally see a new doctor alot of this fear your feeling will ease up. The waiting and not knowing is what gets us so crazy with fear. Evening hours are hardest for me also...Steve goes to bed early and then I have hours of quiet time to do my thinking. Sounds the same for you. You know what I do sometimes to calm down when I'm scared or feeling anxious? I get out this big box of family pictures and start going through them. It doesn't always work, but I usually find a few pictures that make me laugh or go to that happy memory place in my mind. I also get on-line and look at log homes, or go on virtual tours when the site has them. Having cancer is just a bummer Lisha and it sucks! And... it's ok to not like it, and it's ok to be scared...but not for long periods of time...ya know? It's going to get better here shortly for you...just keep moving forward...get the US and MRI done and then to a new doc. Just keep keepin on my friend. I better get up from here and shut off all of the Christmas lights...left them all on last night. Hope you are in bed and asleep by now...sorry I wasn't here when you first posted. Take care sweetie..it's going to be ok..Love...Sue

truckingalong
Posts: 444
Joined: Aug 2010

I too experience deep fears or anxiety from time to time - so I went online to shop for boots!! It really distracted me good because I love to shop and I need boots! But yes, sadness creeps in me when I take deep breaths. It is ok to feel them from time to time. Then walk away from them when this gets too much, right? I am with you, my friend. I feel like hugging you right now.... I too miss my mom who raised me who no longer is here. My dear step mom, Ruthe is doing better with chemo most of the times.. yes, I hate cancer too!

Sharing with you gives me a LOT more strength so thanks to you. Keep up the faith that you have in you.

With big hugs,
Liz

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