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Need some advice

AKSC
Posts: 3
Joined: Nov 2010

Hello Everyone,

I am new here. My father-in-law has been diagnosed with probably 3B lung cancer. Not operable and in a very bad place - and at risk for sudden aorta rupture.

He is 75 and diabetic for 25 years. His cancer was diagnosed when a foot ulcer landed him in the hospital. Tomorrow he is having a partial foot amputation. Because of the surgery -- and he's already postponed cancer treatment for 10 weeks to try to "save" his foot, we may be looking at another 4 week delay to start radiation/chemo platinum therapy.

He has already lost muscle mass from the 10 weeks off his feet since he was rather fit (walked 8 miles a day) before the foot ulcer.

My question is this. He plans to live in San Francisco instead of Santa Cruz where we live. His doctor said he can set up the treatments here and still handle his case (UCSF).

My question, how realistic is it that my in-laws can get through this alone living in an apartment? Or, should they be with us?

Thanks, Alisa

sbueno
Posts: 2
Joined: Nov 2010

Hi Alisa.

Do your in-laws have any family nearby in San Francisco that can help out? How far are you and your husband from them?

I can only tell you my experience and hope it helps. My husband has stage IV lung cancer. It too is inoperable. We have no family here other than my 20 year old daughter who is a full time college student and works part time. We moved away from our families about 8 yrs ago due to my job. Basically, I am his only support.

He has gone through radiation and is currently on chemo. He is beginning to get weaker and requiring more and more help. He is scared and does not like me to be away for more than a few minutes at a time. His legs are getting very weak and I've noticed even taking a shower wears him out. I have to stay in the bathroom with him while he showers to make sure he doesn't fall. I'm sure that before much longer I will be bathing him. I take him to all appointments. This can be very tiring if any problem arises. Example: His port became infected which caused many trips to doctor's offices for 3 days straight. On one of those days, we had to go to 3 different appointments and were gone from about 10:30 am until almost 7:30 pm. (and how old is your mother in-law???) I'm only 47 and those 3 days took a toll!

I am blessed to be able to handle things myself but it is very tiring and I know that it will get harder. I am so thankful that I am able to care for him and spend every precious moment that I have but I feel certain that your mother in-law will need help.

Maybe you can approach your father in-law in a way that will make him see that he will be helping his wife by moving closer to you and your husband.

Good luck and I hope everything works out in a way that everyone is comfortable with.

Suzan

hopefullma
Posts: 13
Joined: Jan 2010

hello alisa,

i was diagnosed with stage 3b lung cancer and at the time was 38 yrs old with two young daughters to talk care or ,i know going though chemo and radiation took alot out of me and i thanked god I had family by. Not only to help out with me girls if needed but I to am a diabetic so anything could happen.you know i think i would try to get them to move by you just in case.

hopefullma
Posts: 13
Joined: Jan 2010

hello alisa,

i was diagnosed with stage 3b lung cancer and at the time was 38 yrs old with two young daughters to talk care or ,i know going though chemo and radiation took alot out of me and i thanked god I had family by. Not only to help out with me girls if needed but I to am a diabetic so anything could happen.you know i think i would try to get them to move by you just in case.

hopefullma
Posts: 13
Joined: Jan 2010

hello alisa,

i was diagnosed with stage 3b lung cancer and at the time was 38 yrs old with two young daughters to talk care or ,i know going though chemo and radiation took alot out of me and i thanked god I had family by. Not only to help out with me girls if needed but I to am a diabetic so anything could happen.you know i think i would try to get them to move by you just in case.

catcon49's picture
catcon49
Posts: 398
Joined: Aug 2008

If they are insistant on living away from you, they will certainly manage. You could contact your local cancer branch and ask what programs are available to them. Here we have shuttles that will pick up the elderly and take them to appointments, also people who will come in and clean or cook or just company. You could also check with your doctor and maybe receive visitig nurses for a while. My mom did well during chemo at 75 years old. But I was lucky enough to have an Aunt come and stay with her for a few weeks, but most of that was due to the surgery she had (ovarian IIIC). Good luck

AKSC
Posts: 3
Joined: Nov 2010

It's hard to know what to expect..

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