Do you remember your first Real Laugh after dx?
It must have been about 6 weeks after getting home from my resection. I had a 14 day stay for that and 2 weeks after coming home, I lost my very best friend in a car accident. So, there really wasn’t much too laugh about. But, I had really noticed that there wasn’t any laughter in my life, it was something that was obviously missing for me. I could sort of half hearted chuckle. But, not a real laugh until one day. I was speaking on the phone to a friend in Memphis. She had moved back there about a year ago and the best part is that she isn’t really a fun/funny person but, pretty much one of my most serious friends. There isn’t a lot that makes her laugh. I guess you can say that she is one of my balancing friends. You know how they say some of us balance each other out. Well if I’m the funny side then she’s the serious side of the friendship. And I want to mention that she is very much a Christian … a Baptist lady … and I only mention that because it ties into the story. I like people who are passionate about what’s important to them and being a Baptist is one her passions.
So, I’m telling her how my surgery went. And I’m explaining that when I went into surgery, on a Friday afternoon, none of my family had arrived yet. I knew that my oldest son was going to drive into town after work and would be there when I got out of surgery; he had called me before surgery to wish me luck and tell me he was already on his way. So as I was slowly coming out of the anesthetic, at around 3 am there was an unexpected voice in the room, someone I hadn’t spoken to for at least 10 years. I couldn’t believe my ears … it was my ex-husband … my babies’ daddy! Yikes. I didn’t know that my son had his dad drive up with him. I didn’t even want to open my eyes. So when I told her this, and I hesitated for a second … but then went ahead anyway and told my passionately Baptist friend, my very first thought as I came to and heard my ex-husband's voice was “Gawd dammit, I died and went to hell”. Just for Pepe "Dios maldita sea. Me morí y fui al infierno". And she actually cracked up … I didn’t get a gasp or a lecture from her about my use of “g-dammit” or “hell” like I normally would have. And when she started sincerely laughing, I found myself laughing so hard that I almost fell out of my chair. My stomach even hurt the next day. I really needed that laugh and I told her thank you for sharing my first real laughter with me! Once I got my laugh back, I knew I was going to be OK.
Comments
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Lori girl... I love your
Lori girl... I love your sense of humor. LOVE IT! Don't ever lose that.
Lori, when I found out I had cancer, I didn't shed a tear. Not one. I was the kind of girl that gets right down to business and wanted to know what we're gonna do to get rid of this for good. I think my surgeon was expecting a breakdown. However, the surgeons wife is his office manager and she came over to us in the waiting room and as telling us how our insurance was refusing to pay because I was under 50 and had no signs or symptoms of CRC. I did this basically as a "I gotta get this done because my dad died of this" type of thing.
So his wife was telling us how our insurance company wasn't gonna pay up until she told them that I did have cancer and then they decided they would pay. Well, my stomach did a little turn-over when she told me I had cancer because even though I seen the picture of the varmit on the scope pictures, and inside my own brain, I knew it was cancer, it was never really confirmed. So when Dave and I were back in the room talking to the surgeon, and he told me I had cancer, my face was very stoic. All I wanted to know was the steps I needed to take to get rid of this stuff. Well, he's a cutter, so surgery first. Then chemo and so on and so on. So it comes to the day of the surgery. We've decided to get a walking epidural for the pain. They give me a little versed and I'm woozy. I mean I hope nobody got me to sign papers for something then. I'm kinda outta of it going out and coming back into consciousness. I start giggling. They all stop what they're doing and then I stop. They continue with putting my epidural in and I start giggling again. I know it didn't tickle, because at one point I burst out, "Oh FARKLE.... just put that damn thing in there and lets get on with the show!" Well, they burst out laughing. On the day after surgery, one of the surgical staff (I've known her for years) came in my room and told me that "farkle" was the most appropriate "F" word she's ever heard in there. I do remember saying farkle, but I don't remember giggling. I did have to laugh over the farkle thing.
I've never really let this cancer thing get the better of me. I have vented once in a while over the folfox or something, but not really over the cancer. It's changed me, for sure, but I've decided to stay positive and happy. The other choices didn't really fit my personality.
We used to laugh all the time at work, because you know how it is to touch something cold? I had the nurses aid get my cold drinks out of the fridge for my patients, when they requested juice or a soda. And I'd have to come back in a suck a way to say, "I have cancer, I can't do that!" It was comical. Really. It's still a big joke to us nurses. Except one who has NO sense of humor. She was offended. HA... Ok.. that one makes me laugh out loud.
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when Spain won the world cup!HollyID said:Lori girl... I love your
Lori girl... I love your sense of humor. LOVE IT! Don't ever lose that.
Lori, when I found out I had cancer, I didn't shed a tear. Not one. I was the kind of girl that gets right down to business and wanted to know what we're gonna do to get rid of this for good. I think my surgeon was expecting a breakdown. However, the surgeons wife is his office manager and she came over to us in the waiting room and as telling us how our insurance was refusing to pay because I was under 50 and had no signs or symptoms of CRC. I did this basically as a "I gotta get this done because my dad died of this" type of thing.
So his wife was telling us how our insurance company wasn't gonna pay up until she told them that I did have cancer and then they decided they would pay. Well, my stomach did a little turn-over when she told me I had cancer because even though I seen the picture of the varmit on the scope pictures, and inside my own brain, I knew it was cancer, it was never really confirmed. So when Dave and I were back in the room talking to the surgeon, and he told me I had cancer, my face was very stoic. All I wanted to know was the steps I needed to take to get rid of this stuff. Well, he's a cutter, so surgery first. Then chemo and so on and so on. So it comes to the day of the surgery. We've decided to get a walking epidural for the pain. They give me a little versed and I'm woozy. I mean I hope nobody got me to sign papers for something then. I'm kinda outta of it going out and coming back into consciousness. I start giggling. They all stop what they're doing and then I stop. They continue with putting my epidural in and I start giggling again. I know it didn't tickle, because at one point I burst out, "Oh FARKLE.... just put that damn thing in there and lets get on with the show!" Well, they burst out laughing. On the day after surgery, one of the surgical staff (I've known her for years) came in my room and told me that "farkle" was the most appropriate "F" word she's ever heard in there. I do remember saying farkle, but I don't remember giggling. I did have to laugh over the farkle thing.
I've never really let this cancer thing get the better of me. I have vented once in a while over the folfox or something, but not really over the cancer. It's changed me, for sure, but I've decided to stay positive and happy. The other choices didn't really fit my personality.
We used to laugh all the time at work, because you know how it is to touch something cold? I had the nurses aid get my cold drinks out of the fridge for my patients, when they requested juice or a soda. And I'd have to come back in a suck a way to say, "I have cancer, I can't do that!" It was comical. Really. It's still a big joke to us nurses. Except one who has NO sense of humor. She was offended. HA... Ok.. that one makes me laugh out loud.
LOL!0 -
I remember the moment of my first laugh...
I don’t remember why I laughed, but I remember that first laugh well. It was my re-entry into the world of the living.
I had just been diagnosed – a surgical surprise during my hysterectomy. Needless to say, I didn’t know which way was up, what had happened to my world. My initial post-op prognosis was very grim – my gyn was in tears with what he'd found.
The day after surgery, my rabbi came to visit me at the hospital. I’m not particularly religious, but I like her and needed the contact. We cried together a bit, but then we were just talking. I don’t remember what she said, just that it struck me, and I had a good laugh. She showed me that I could laugh again. To this day and forever, I thank her for giving me back my laugh. I’d thought it was gone forever.
Alice0 -
HollyHollyID said:Lori girl... I love your
Lori girl... I love your sense of humor. LOVE IT! Don't ever lose that.
Lori, when I found out I had cancer, I didn't shed a tear. Not one. I was the kind of girl that gets right down to business and wanted to know what we're gonna do to get rid of this for good. I think my surgeon was expecting a breakdown. However, the surgeons wife is his office manager and she came over to us in the waiting room and as telling us how our insurance was refusing to pay because I was under 50 and had no signs or symptoms of CRC. I did this basically as a "I gotta get this done because my dad died of this" type of thing.
So his wife was telling us how our insurance company wasn't gonna pay up until she told them that I did have cancer and then they decided they would pay. Well, my stomach did a little turn-over when she told me I had cancer because even though I seen the picture of the varmit on the scope pictures, and inside my own brain, I knew it was cancer, it was never really confirmed. So when Dave and I were back in the room talking to the surgeon, and he told me I had cancer, my face was very stoic. All I wanted to know was the steps I needed to take to get rid of this stuff. Well, he's a cutter, so surgery first. Then chemo and so on and so on. So it comes to the day of the surgery. We've decided to get a walking epidural for the pain. They give me a little versed and I'm woozy. I mean I hope nobody got me to sign papers for something then. I'm kinda outta of it going out and coming back into consciousness. I start giggling. They all stop what they're doing and then I stop. They continue with putting my epidural in and I start giggling again. I know it didn't tickle, because at one point I burst out, "Oh FARKLE.... just put that damn thing in there and lets get on with the show!" Well, they burst out laughing. On the day after surgery, one of the surgical staff (I've known her for years) came in my room and told me that "farkle" was the most appropriate "F" word she's ever heard in there. I do remember saying farkle, but I don't remember giggling. I did have to laugh over the farkle thing.
I've never really let this cancer thing get the better of me. I have vented once in a while over the folfox or something, but not really over the cancer. It's changed me, for sure, but I've decided to stay positive and happy. The other choices didn't really fit my personality.
We used to laugh all the time at work, because you know how it is to touch something cold? I had the nurses aid get my cold drinks out of the fridge for my patients, when they requested juice or a soda. And I'd have to come back in a suck a way to say, "I have cancer, I can't do that!" It was comical. Really. It's still a big joke to us nurses. Except one who has NO sense of humor. She was offended. HA... Ok.. that one makes me laugh out loud.
Farkle .. unfortunately, when I'm coming outta anestesia I'm a Farking bit more blatant than that. Farkle is so cute!0 -
Aliceabrub said:I remember the moment of my first laugh...
I don’t remember why I laughed, but I remember that first laugh well. It was my re-entry into the world of the living.
I had just been diagnosed – a surgical surprise during my hysterectomy. Needless to say, I didn’t know which way was up, what had happened to my world. My initial post-op prognosis was very grim – my gyn was in tears with what he'd found.
The day after surgery, my rabbi came to visit me at the hospital. I’m not particularly religious, but I like her and needed the contact. We cried together a bit, but then we were just talking. I don’t remember what she said, just that it struck me, and I had a good laugh. She showed me that I could laugh again. To this day and forever, I thank her for giving me back my laugh. I’d thought it was gone forever.
Alice
I felt the same way, my re-entry in the world of the living. Well put.0 -
To Laugh or...
LOL, the first big laugh after being dx'd??? I couldn't tell you, I can't remember.
I've always felt if I couldn't laugh, why should I live?
Laughter and Joy have been my mainstays in life, without the two, why bother?
I couldn't tell you the first time I laughed after my dx, because I never forgot and never stopped with the laughter, it was and is, my life line. Joy brings laughter, and laughter, great joy, I couldn't imagine living without either.
No matter the unhappiness, the sorrow, the shock,after hearing the "cancer" word, I never forgot my laugh, to leave as a legacy, or to brighten someone's day, laughter belongs in "our" world, more now then ever.
Winter Marie0 -
Laughter
I really don't remember my first good laugh but we still have fun recalling a day last Spring where my 28 year old son almost made me choke to death while trying not to laugh at something he said very loudly in a resturant.
We were at a Bob Evans sitting in a booth discussing funny lines from movies and cartoons when my son loudly said " Look at me. I'm a cowboy. Howdy! Howdy! Howdy! " ( from a Gary Larson Far Side Cartoon about a bunch of vultures sitting around a dead cowboy in a desert ...one of the vultures has the cowboy hat on )
The funny part was that there was a man sitting right behind my son wearing a big white cowboy hat. I almost crawled under the table as I was sure the man heard my son. My poor son and daughter never noticed the guy in the cowboy hat and had no idea why I was trying to stifle my laughter. Luckily the man never said a word. ( We live in Virginia....we rarely see cowboys! )
Now I often anwser the phone with "Howdy! Howdy! Howdy!" just to get a giggle. I also Title my emails to my son with "Howdy! Howdy! Howdy! " It gets his attention!!
So....Howdy! Howdy! Howdy!0 -
oh yes tears in my eyesjararno said:Laughter
I really don't remember my first good laugh but we still have fun recalling a day last Spring where my 28 year old son almost made me choke to death while trying not to laugh at something he said very loudly in a resturant.
We were at a Bob Evans sitting in a booth discussing funny lines from movies and cartoons when my son loudly said " Look at me. I'm a cowboy. Howdy! Howdy! Howdy! " ( from a Gary Larson Far Side Cartoon about a bunch of vultures sitting around a dead cowboy in a desert ...one of the vultures has the cowboy hat on )
The funny part was that there was a man sitting right behind my son wearing a big white cowboy hat. I almost crawled under the table as I was sure the man heard my son. My poor son and daughter never noticed the guy in the cowboy hat and had no idea why I was trying to stifle my laughter. Luckily the man never said a word. ( We live in Virginia....we rarely see cowboys! )
Now I often anwser the phone with "Howdy! Howdy! Howdy!" just to get a giggle. I also Title my emails to my son with "Howdy! Howdy! Howdy! " It gets his attention!!
So....Howdy! Howdy! Howdy!
i will never forget that one.i think it was after my 10 rounds of chemo.i got on youtube and was watching funny animal videos.being the horse lover that i am i saw a horse kicking a chicken right on top of a tin roof.the horse didnt even look up he just kept right on eating. i laughed so hard there were tears in my eyes.i didnt even know i still had laughter in me...Godbless...johnnybegood0 -
Great question Lori
Love your story.
When I was first diagnosed, Kim and I went straight to deep dark tumor. She might say, "I have a headache." I'd say, "May be it's a tumor." She'd say in a Swartzenager voice, "It's not a tumor." (That's from Kindergarten Cop) I didn't start researching or learning about cancer for months (Thank God for Kim) I just couldn't stop making butt tumor jokes.
But my first really good, powerful laugh(s) - the kind that makes you cry and helps you move on, came from reading Brant Walton's Caringbridge page. I don't think Brant ever posted here. His wife did. She is really great. Brant had surgery about a year ago. He never really recovered and things just fell apart for him. He passed on on December 17. His Caringbridge page is full of gross stuff, humor, straight forward descriptions, stories, and wisdom. I never really got the chance to talk to him or tell him how much his words mean to me.
If you are interested - http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/brantwalton/journal
When Lori started this thread, my first thought was, "Brant."0
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