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Child to parent...when did it happen....sigh....

KathiM's picture
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

I had found it necessary, for her safety, to cuddle my mom into a retirement community. It is a VERY nice place, with 3 private shuttles to take her shopping, the doctor, even to entertainment events (no, I don't see my mom going to Pearl Jam any time soon...LOL!). She has all of her furniture (well, that will fit in a 1-bedroom, 1-bath apartment), and 3 meals served to her in a common dining room included.

So, why do I feel like I'm the parent and she has become my daughter? It feels so wierd!!! Of course, part of it is that there are some people telling me that they are horrified that I 'wrenched my mom out of her home for 50 years' and other wonderful, supporting comments...but I know I was right, and (OMG) it was 'for her own good' (I sound like my mom did, when I was in grade school!!!).

I guess this is part of the return to 'normal' after cancer treatment...we get to pick the menusha of daily living back up....I keep asking "So THIS is what I was saved for????"!

Thanks for listening....you all are great!

Hugs, Kathi

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KathiM's picture
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

While she was still included in the decision...part of the team....

She is a bit 'fuzzy' now, and I was afraid that if I waited too long, she could no longer adjust to a move. Doing it now will, hopefully, when she does get more confused, have her in a place that is familiar....

Also, these retirement centers are GREAT....a far cry from the old "Rest homes"!!!! The calendar for the month is jammed full of activities...everything from WII bowling to playing bridge. And, they can sign up to go on outings to fun places...restaurants, concerts, etc...even to the casino, if enough want to go!!! The difference is that there, they are independant, but with someone watching over...emergency pull strings in every room...caregivers that charge by the service (pick and choose), like right now, until mom's back stops hurting (compression fractures...comes with age and osteoporosis), a gal comes in the morning and helps with shower and dressing....my mom is NOT a morning person...lol!

I put the spin on it that I first just brought brochures for her to look at. Then, I suggested we look at one or two (the one I wanted her to like, we saw last...). Then, we calculated the cost...this one is owned by a corporation with 300 facilities over the US and Canada...the perk on that is that if she wanted to travel, she could stay in another of theirs, no charge, meals, etc, included....GREAT idea!!

Hugs, Kathi

Marcia527's picture
Posts: 2749
Joined: Jul 2006

I have a sister who lives in a retirement home like that and it's wonderful for her. She is handicapped and not able to live on her own. Lots of people to socialize with and doesn't have to go out in the cold.

My parents and in-laws have all passed away now. It was difficult with my dad. No way he would spend money on the retirement home when he owned his own home and had lived there 60 years. One thing that helped was my sister and her husband lived next door. In the end when he needed constant care we were going to have someone come in during the day and my sisters were going to take turns staying with him at night. This plan never was used because he died the night he came home from the nursing home. He was in the hospital for a month and then a nursing home for a month until they determined he was able to go home. Maybe they knew he didn't have long and could do no more for him. They didn't tell us tho. He was 96. He was in bad shape because he didn't know he had come home from the nursing home.

I guess we just do the best we can.

carkris's picture
Posts: 4554
Joined: Aug 2009

perhaps on some level he knew and waited until he got home.

jazzy1's picture
Posts: 1385
Joined: Mar 2010

This topic is dear to my heart, as we moved my mom into assisted living facility Sept '09....2 months after I completed my cancer treatments. Mom was living in 4000 sq ft home alone and having issues maintaining her daily living....so I jumped in. She was diagnosed with dementia (Alzheimers since that time) and had to take her vehicle, then move her to facility. This place is a God-send as she has her own apt with 1 bedroom and 1 bath with all 3 meals provided in the main dining room. Mom is physically in excellent shape, just that she doesn't know up from down on certain days.

I told mom at start of my cancer diagnosis about my cancer, but after a while I recognized she just couldn't remember. During the treatments I couldn't really convey to her about what I was going thru...so it was a shock but reality.

I'm glad I can be here to help mom, as getting old isn't fun. This is just part of my life, and grateful to be here.


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