Here We Go Again

Beckymarie
Beckymarie Member Posts: 357
edited March 2014 in Grief and Bereavement #1
Lost my wonderful husband in June after a yr. long battle with brain cancer. My mother has been diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer and we are trying to decide what route to take. Because of her age (85) and some health issues, it comes down to a full mastectomy or doing nothing and letting the cancer take its course. I believe at this point she is opting for the mastectomy. Just can't seem to get a break from this cancer craziness. My children and I are still reeling from our loss. Just not sure I've got the energy or stamina to do this again so soon. Fortunately, I have wonderful siblings who always step up to the plate, so I don't feel like I am the "Ring Master" this time. Just venting...

Becky

Comments

  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,860 Member
    I hate cancer
    I know I've said this before but I really do. Honestly. If Satan himself had invented a disease, this would be it.

    Hugs, Becky. Know I didn't help with this but if I come up with some wonderful words of wisdom, you'll be the first to know.

    Sheesh. Seems like we just "recover" from one cancer and another comes knocking.

    Not fair.
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633
    Here
    Just wanted you to know I'm here. Hugs, Fay
  • lilli1020
    lilli1020 Member Posts: 114

    I hate cancer
    I know I've said this before but I really do. Honestly. If Satan himself had invented a disease, this would be it.

    Hugs, Becky. Know I didn't help with this but if I come up with some wonderful words of wisdom, you'll be the first to know.

    Sheesh. Seems like we just "recover" from one cancer and another comes knocking.

    Not fair.

    Same here!!!
    Whenever I describe what Doug went through, that is the way I describe it......just like Satan himself grew in his body and killed him!!!!!
  • Beckymarie
    Beckymarie Member Posts: 357

    Here
    Just wanted you to know I'm here. Hugs, Fay

    Mom's Cancer
    Thanks for all your responses, they do help. My mother has decided to go through with the mastectomy which will take place next week. I feel this is the right decision but is a crap shoot as her age and medical history could result in several different outcomes. Will hope for the best.
    Becky
  • lilli1020
    lilli1020 Member Posts: 114

    Mom's Cancer
    Thanks for all your responses, they do help. My mother has decided to go through with the mastectomy which will take place next week. I feel this is the right decision but is a crap shoot as her age and medical history could result in several different outcomes. Will hope for the best.
    Becky

    Dealing with cancer is a
    Dealing with cancer is a crap shoot.....try anything and leave out nothing. What have you got to lose?
  • Bobshope
    Bobshope Member Posts: 20
    Hard Truth
    My wife was diagnosied with stage 4 breast cancer in 2006. Did the mastectomy, chemo and radiation. It is a very diificult process to go through. You have 6 to 8 weeks recovery for the surgery, 2 to 4 weeks of radiation and 6 to 8 months of chemo. You have checkups every 3 months. If you did nothing how long is the prognosis? Your mother is 85 with some other health issues. My wife extendind her life for 4 years, she died 8 weeks ago.
    During that 4 years she maybe had 1 year of quality living.The rest was spent on more chemo, brain surgury additional radiation. But the bottom line is what you mother wants.
    I did not sway my wifes choices but as I was her caregiver the amount of pain and disconfort was extreme. Her quality of life is going to be an issue and even my wife at 58 said at the end it wasn't worth the pain and suffering but it was worth the extra time she had with the family. Best wishes on whatever your decisson is.
  • Beckymarie
    Beckymarie Member Posts: 357
    Bobshope said:

    Hard Truth
    My wife was diagnosied with stage 4 breast cancer in 2006. Did the mastectomy, chemo and radiation. It is a very diificult process to go through. You have 6 to 8 weeks recovery for the surgery, 2 to 4 weeks of radiation and 6 to 8 months of chemo. You have checkups every 3 months. If you did nothing how long is the prognosis? Your mother is 85 with some other health issues. My wife extendind her life for 4 years, she died 8 weeks ago.
    During that 4 years she maybe had 1 year of quality living.The rest was spent on more chemo, brain surgury additional radiation. But the bottom line is what you mother wants.
    I did not sway my wifes choices but as I was her caregiver the amount of pain and disconfort was extreme. Her quality of life is going to be an issue and even my wife at 58 said at the end it wasn't worth the pain and suffering but it was worth the extra time she had with the family. Best wishes on whatever your decisson is.

    Breast Cancer
    Thanks for your input. Because of my mom's diabetic history, radiation has been ruled out. She will have the mastectomy followed by tamoxifen (sp?).I have two children who are getting married this year, one in March and the other in July. I feel this is playing a huge role in her decision. As they just lost their dad in June, she feels she must be at the weddings for them. I have talked to her about this and do not want the weddings to influence what is best for her. Bottom line it is her decision and I will support whatever she decides.

    I'm sorry about the loss of your wife. Lost my husband in June to brain cancer...it sucks!
  • lilli1020
    lilli1020 Member Posts: 114
    Bobshope said:

    Hard Truth
    My wife was diagnosied with stage 4 breast cancer in 2006. Did the mastectomy, chemo and radiation. It is a very diificult process to go through. You have 6 to 8 weeks recovery for the surgery, 2 to 4 weeks of radiation and 6 to 8 months of chemo. You have checkups every 3 months. If you did nothing how long is the prognosis? Your mother is 85 with some other health issues. My wife extendind her life for 4 years, she died 8 weeks ago.
    During that 4 years she maybe had 1 year of quality living.The rest was spent on more chemo, brain surgury additional radiation. But the bottom line is what you mother wants.
    I did not sway my wifes choices but as I was her caregiver the amount of pain and disconfort was extreme. Her quality of life is going to be an issue and even my wife at 58 said at the end it wasn't worth the pain and suffering but it was worth the extra time she had with the family. Best wishes on whatever your decisson is.

    I wonder if my husband and I
    I wonder if my husband and I had known what he would have gone through, would he have done it. I don't think all he went through really extended his life since when it was diagnosed he was way to far to do anything much anyway. All he went through definately reduced his quality of life and just wonder if he would have been better off just doing nothing and having a better ending....if there is such a thing. I know, hindsight is 20/20 and only God knows, but I have to ponder it
    ??????
  • bingles
    bingles Member Posts: 120
    lilli1020 said:

    I wonder if my husband and I
    I wonder if my husband and I had known what he would have gone through, would he have done it. I don't think all he went through really extended his life since when it was diagnosed he was way to far to do anything much anyway. All he went through definately reduced his quality of life and just wonder if he would have been better off just doing nothing and having a better ending....if there is such a thing. I know, hindsight is 20/20 and only God knows, but I have to ponder it
    ??????

    This is such a no win situation...
    This dam disease has no bounds and destroys people and lives...with that said...to take treatment or not is such a personal choice.
    No one wants to choose death over a promise of cure...and by opting out of treatment is in essence what a person does...guessing it comes down to quality of life and the way the person thought about such things before they got sick.
    My husband had always been a quality over quanity guy....never put much faith in the medical commuinity "curing" a cancerous process....regardless of anything...he always thought that any cancer was in essence a death sentence.
    I am in the medical field so I know of the success's...but have also see the ravages of treatments...knowing both sides of the problem and knowing my husband...we discussed the options and the expected outcomes and he choose no treatment and we chose hospice.
    If there is a good ending I feel that he had it...six short weeks from dx to death...but that six weeks..he made the choices...he passed at home in comfort and thats all I can ever have hoped for.
    But truth be told since he passed a small part of me way down inside...the selfish part...kinda wished that maybe.....treatment might have given me some more time with him...but that would have been more about me than him....but than again we never have enough time to love our family do we ?
    There is just no right or wrong answer.
    Pat