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How are you doing Tom?

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3184
Joined: Jul 2010

Hi Tom,
Hows everything in Grapevine Texas? You should have finished round 3 by now and it's been awhile since you've checked in. Hopefully that means you are out and about and doing good! Lots of good news coming out of the group..eh?
Thinking of you...Sue...(FNHL-2-3A-6/10)

dixiegirl's picture
dixiegirl
Posts: 1043
Joined: Apr 2006

The news is good these days. Hope you're feeling ok.

tcvine's picture
tcvine
Posts: 174
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi Sue,

Thanks for asking about me. I posted to you on a different thread now that I'm back and read some of the good news. I read that you are doing well after getting off of the preds on your third round.

As I wrote on the other line, I'm having a harder time after my fourth round, but it is about time for it to turn around and start getting better again. The neuropathy is really hitting me hard and seems to be affecting my feet, legs, hands and mouth. But, as long as it doesn't become permanent, it will be OK.

Hard days since last Thursday, but it should improve now. Take a look at the other threads and give me a suggestion for my dx.
God Bless,
Tom

tcvine's picture
tcvine
Posts: 174
Joined: Aug 2010

To be quite honest, this has been a hard day and I ended up shaving my head and beard. Frankly, I look OLD. I feel OLD. My beautiful bride is feeling ignored, or worse - and I can't seem to do or say the right things to make it better. And I'm A that I will never fully get back to what I was, even if I don't die, and all I really want is to be sure that I've done everything I can to be sure that she'll be OK, but I just keep not doing the right things and she just keeps being strong and doing everything.

And I can't STAND to look in the mirror!

And I know that this is a bad post - and I don't care. I've kept myself in better shape than anyone else in my entire family - and now I turn 60 and end up just an OLD guy who can't even provide for the needs of his family. THIS SUCKS!!!!!!!!!

merrywinner's picture
merrywinner
Posts: 627
Joined: Aug 2009

Good to hear from you but it looks like you are back just in the nick of time. Sounds like it's rough right now and there is not one of us here who doesn't get it! First if I may ask a few questions?? How is your wife doing? Is she complaining? Or do you just feel that she should be? I somehow get the feeling that you may be projecting how shes doing based on how you see it. Right now I get that you feel like a washed up old man who can't do all of the things he needs to. You are on hiatus from all of that, you may not like or want that but there it is. Allow your self time to rest recuperate and finish up. With anticipated good results you will return to your old self both in appearance and mental outlook. This is such a hard thing that we go through on all levels. It drains us mentally, physically and emotionally. You will get back your health, God willing, but try to see the forest through the trees and protect yourself emotionally. We may not have much control over the physical problems the drugs cause but we do have control both mentally and emotionally. Our attitudes will define us in the end. Step back,rework it and hang tough. Who you see in that mirror today will not be who you see in 6 months. Mary(FNHL-1-4A-8/08)

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3184
Joined: Jul 2010

You are totally "AWESOME" Mary!
Love you...Sue

merrywinner's picture
merrywinner
Posts: 627
Joined: Aug 2009

That is high praise indeed coming from someone as caring as yourself. I'll be waiting for those CT results right here with you. Mary(FNHL-1-4A-8/08)

Chris17's picture
Chris17
Posts: 175
Joined: Oct 2010

Merry said it better than i ever could i am coming up on my last session of my maintenance therapy.I have been fighting this for 2 and a half yrs now and i remember the day i shaved my hair which at the time was past my waist and i hated looking in the mirror.My line of work was taking care of people who had cancer and other types of serious illnesses and it was hard for me to come to the realization that it was me now, and i thought that this cant happen to me, im the caregiver not the patient, it took me months to get over the fact that now the role was reversed and i had to depend on others to help me. I was never one to depend on anyone and now i had to. I understand how you feel and have been there at the point you are at now.You will be back to the person who were before you were diagnosed, a good mental attitude helps, i kept a sense of humor through all my treatments, i had to, it kept my sanity and it kept me from breaking down and giving up,and i am not a quitter, i refuse to let this disease win, i wish you all the best and will keep good thoughts for you and your wife. Chris

merrywinner's picture
merrywinner
Posts: 627
Joined: Aug 2009

You have come a long ways and have a lot to share. All the best to you. Mary(FNHL-1-4A-8/08)

tcvine's picture
tcvine
Posts: 174
Joined: Aug 2010

Mary - and Chris & Sue,

You are all a wealth of rationality that I needed to hear. Connie continues to be a rock. She almost never complains. But she sort of has to go through this and doesn't like it any more than I do. Thing is, I couldn't do it without her. I think she knows that, I hope so.

I guess that I've always been too vain. The deterioration in my self-image just was getting to me yesterday. So many years of diligent exercise and dieting - just to get cancer and actually put on useless weight! (I know, I know... I am very, very pleased that I'm not losing weight from being sick.)

Anyway, thank you all again for your encouraging and helpful comments. I hope you know that it really does help.

As always, my thoughts and prayers are sent to you too.

Tom (DLBCL-4-7/10)

merrywinner's picture
merrywinner
Posts: 627
Joined: Aug 2009

None of us asked for any of this. You are entitled to all of those feelings and more. Just protect your spirit you will need it to lead you back. You will do just fine and my prayers are with you. Mary(FNHL-1-4A-8/08)

truckingalong
Posts: 444
Joined: Aug 2010

Tom,

I am glad you are back - I know it has not been easy for you as it is for me either. I just had my 5th chemo - 7 more to go.

One thing I gotta share this which is naturally a private subject itself but nevertheless a naturally beautiful subject itself. That is the intimacy and sexual relations that changed when I got real sick then the diagnosis. The intimacy is there - my hubby sticks to me - yes - affectionate but not sexual so to let me heal but boy, I surely miss the good times between us and that has been really hard for us emotionally. We gotta hang in there, my friend. Our spouses do rock because they know we will win this fight. We all grow together. And remember, dealing with anxiety tends to get to us and then we get irrational - replace those thoughts into the beauty of insides of who we are and other positive thoughts.

By the way, I posted on 10/1 "Tom, Vitamin B and Neuropathy..." info. I found for you - you will find it in the search box. I too deal with this - it comes and goes... hope it is not too hard on your hands and feet.

Liz

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3184
Joined: Jul 2010

Hi Liz,
I'm so glad someone finally brought this subject up. Hubby and I have gotten it on more than a few times since my diagnosis, but it is not the same. Still good, and very loving, but it's so hard for me to "focus"! He's been very patient, but he also has knowticed the change. We've decided to plan ahead and prepare for our intimate moments in order for me to not feel like I'm just doing it to take care of him because I feel bad for him. It's difficult to get much enjoyment from anything when your hearts not really in it and your doing it for all of the wrong reasons. I did tell hubby to not even "THINK ABOUT IT" during the pred weeks... aint no amount of pre-planning could make it an enjoyable experience while taking that crap! He just shivered and covered his privates and said " Good God woman..you think I'm friggin nuts'? ha! Your right Liz...we gotta just hang in there..this will all pass in time. Love...Sue (FNHL-2-3A-6/10)

truckingalong
Posts: 444
Joined: Aug 2010

Thanks, Sue for making me smile and lighten up on this subject - we re real lucky to have supportive hubbies!

Love,
Liz
(HL-4B-8/10)

tcvine's picture
tcvine
Posts: 174
Joined: Aug 2010

Liz,
Thanks for all your comments.
Yes, our spouses do rock. My bride and I have talked about it and it helps that we both understand that we both want the same things. And that we will get back to it as soon as we can.

I will look at your vitamin post asap. I've already taken steps to increase the B vitamins, including B-12. But I haven't really read that much about them.

Thanks again, and my good wishes and prayers to you.
Tom (DLBCL-4-7/10)

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