a terrible thought

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cher8871
cher8871 Member Posts: 64
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
my dad's main complaint is his vision and balance issues....i had a horrible thought last night....what if his cancer goes into remission and he still has to walk with a walker and can't see well?? oh Lord....i know i need to stay positive but, WOW...it's hard!

he was dx in april 2010 with NSCLC w/ mets to the brain. the ONC told us in May that he had a 50/50 shot of the radiation helping his vision and balance....it did not. he just started a combo of Alimta/Avastin two weeks ago. his side effects are really watery eyes, super dry skin and extreme fatigue.

thanks for letting me rant.....

cheri

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  • Barbara53
    Barbara53 Member Posts: 652
    #2
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    It's so sad and scary
    Oh, Cher, I know. I'm watching my elderly mother's downhill slide, and at this point I don't really want it to level off because she has so much pain from an untreatable met in her heel. Her heel of all places! The pain meds are increasingly useless, but palliative chemo helps some. Her hands are starting to shake, she has little appetite, and she sleeps more and more. I don't think it's terrible not to want the old miracles anymore. I want new ones. It's time to call in the angels. Hope I can figure out how to do it.

    Hang in there. You are not alone.
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #3
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    There, too
    I lost my husband to cancer almost a year ago. Now my mother has cancer. She also has dementia. My sister is caring for her which is a real godsend for me. They live in another state but visited lately. Afterward I said to someone that the best thing for her would be a massive heart attack. Then I felt horrible. I love my mom but she hasn't been truly happy since my dad died. I hate to think of her suffering once the cancer becomes more advanced. It is in God's hands. I just pray that she finds peace. Fay
  • Pennymac02
    Pennymac02 Member Posts: 332 Member
    #4
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    grandmafay said:

    There, too
    I lost my husband to cancer almost a year ago. Now my mother has cancer. She also has dementia. My sister is caring for her which is a real godsend for me. They live in another state but visited lately. Afterward I said to someone that the best thing for her would be a massive heart attack. Then I felt horrible. I love my mom but she hasn't been truly happy since my dad died. I hate to think of her suffering once the cancer becomes more advanced. It is in God's hands. I just pray that she finds peace. Fay

    Don't feel bad
    Oh Fay,
    I had a conversation with a coworker who lost her father at the same time Mom was fighting her cancer. My coworkers' dad was living in an assisted living facility, had just had a good dinner with his friends, walked back to his private apartment, had a massive heart attack, and died before the paramedicas arrived. I remember getting struck with an emmense feeling of jealousy over that--I struggled with it for days. I actually was envious and angry that her dad got to go like that and my mom suffered for months in the hospital getting bedsores and losing her dignity. I remember arguing with God to just take her now, if she was going to have to suffer. Of course, she passed when it was her time and not a moment earlier. I have come to a personal belief, though that people with terminal illness are healed when they are taken to Heaven. Its kind of my way of looking at the natural progresion of one phase of life into another phase, and helps me feel more peace. You shouldn't feel horrible because you want to spare your mom this suffering.
    Penny
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #5
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    Pennymac02 said:

    Don't feel bad
    Oh Fay,
    I had a conversation with a coworker who lost her father at the same time Mom was fighting her cancer. My coworkers' dad was living in an assisted living facility, had just had a good dinner with his friends, walked back to his private apartment, had a massive heart attack, and died before the paramedicas arrived. I remember getting struck with an emmense feeling of jealousy over that--I struggled with it for days. I actually was envious and angry that her dad got to go like that and my mom suffered for months in the hospital getting bedsores and losing her dignity. I remember arguing with God to just take her now, if she was going to have to suffer. Of course, she passed when it was her time and not a moment earlier. I have come to a personal belief, though that people with terminal illness are healed when they are taken to Heaven. Its kind of my way of looking at the natural progresion of one phase of life into another phase, and helps me feel more peace. You shouldn't feel horrible because you want to spare your mom this suffering.
    Penny

    Agree
    I agree that people are healed if not cured. I also know that my mom's life and death are in God's hands. My mom had never attended church regularly until after my dad, who was an atheist, died. Then she asked if she could go with us. When she was 89, she decided that she wanted to be baptized. She already had some dementia, but she was very clear on this. Her baptism was a during a regular church service and was very moving. . My sons and families showed up as a surprise to her. I hold that memory close. I know God is watching over her. Fay

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