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port-chemo-wife

LOUSWIFT
Posts: 372
Joined: Aug 2006

Well I get a port installed on Wednesday then the following Monday we meet with onc then 1st chemo folfox. Well the first chemo in over four years is coming last time it was xeloda for 15 weeks max dose. I had rectal cancer now colon cancer both stage 3 but this time because they were watching me so closely its a 3b with 3 nodes involved. Nice work on my team. But you know I am in better shape and I think know what to expect. My dear wife today as we discussing the upcoming chemo said she didn't think I would be able to finish the 12 treatments and flatly stated that she didn't expect me to survive the cancer this time. she wasn't upset just kind of matter of fact. She did think I was a whimp when the hand and foot syndrome got very very bad last time. She also pointed out that I had endured a lot and for what? The cancer came back. I think she is a little upset that this week when I finally retired again that instead of enjoying our lives and do the retirement thing I will be sick and she might have to help me should I need it. Life is funny isn't it? Well its my last post for six months. We'll see if I make it NED again. I wish you all the best! Lou

pepebcn's picture
pepebcn
Posts: 6352
Joined: Aug 2010

with less (9) in my case regression can be really spectacular on folfox.
Concerning your wife, she says that you have endured alot ,did she not have any wonderful moment in those 4 yearsNED together with you?Is not worthy to her another bunch of years enjoying of you?Just please think on that LOU lm struggling against this as hard as you and l would give my right hand! to have other 4 years NED.(this is more than a neuropathy).
Hang there and please keep us informed
And CHEER UP! LOU! just think in you!

Luv2lunch
Posts: 272
Joined: Aug 2010

Lou,
Just wanted you to know you will be in our thoughts and prayers. I'm sure your wife is just upset that you have to go through this. She will be in our prayers also.
Sincerely,
Linda and Ellie

AnnaLeigh's picture
AnnaLeigh
Posts: 185
Joined: Jan 2010

Lou,

I want to wish you the best for your upcoming Folfox treatments. Apparently you were able to buy yourself four years with the last treatment and that is absolutely outstanding!

Speaking from the wife's point-of-view, I can only tell you that many times my fear comes out sounding harsh or sounding like I am angry. When really I am just afraid of watching my dear husband suffer the side effects of treatment and mostly feeling helpless to actually solve any of the problems or discomforts. When he hurts - I hurt.

There is also a chance that your wife is feeling some major grief about the lifestyle you both had dreamed of having together. One of the early stages of grief is anger also. But she sounds like a very intelligent person and may just need time to work through all of the emotions piling up.

By being in better shape prior to your new treatment, you will hopefully only experience a minimum of side affects. But as we know, every body is different and every one tolerates these in a different way.

Wishing you strength, success on this new treatment and brighter days ahead.

Lovekitties's picture
Lovekitties
Posts: 3327
Joined: Jan 2010

Dear Lou,

Hoping all goes well with the port install and your treatments.

As far as the wife goes, it almost sounds like she is trying to prepare herself for an eventuality that may not happen. It may also be that she did not recognize after your first diagnosis and treatment that all of us who have had cancer are at high risk for it occurring again.

I understand her looking at the quality vs quantity issue. As a person who has had a cancer diagnosis, I know I did and continue to.

I hope that she can reconsile herself to your decision and that your treatment this time is kinder to you and allows both to find some joy in being together.

I hope you will post even during your treatment so that we know how you are doing.

Hugs,

Marie who loves kitties

geotina's picture
geotina
Posts: 2117
Joined: Oct 2009

I wish you nothing but the best outcome from Folfox. The nature of this disease is that it recurs. You beat it once and you can do it again.

As for your wife, not to be disrespectful, coming from the viewpoint of a caregiver, she needs a swift kick in the ***. She needs to get over herself and her possible disappointments and support her husband.

George and I are 60 and were so looking forward to a wonderful retirement. Even bought a lakefront retirment home a few years ago. Is that retirement going to happen with George having Stage IV cancer, I really don't know. I do know I would give it all up in a heartbeat for him and not think twice about it.

Hopefully, your wife will get over herself and support you in every way possible. Sometimes us caregivers just need to keep our mouths shut and be as supportive, caring and helpful as possible, you have enough going on and don't need her emotions to get in the way.

Just my opinion.

Take care and I wish you all the best with your treatments. Come back and let us know how things are going.

Tina

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5056
Joined: Feb 2008

Hey, Lou.

I will be praying for you and your wife, and I do hope we hear a report that you're NED again. I think if your reports start coming back that you're beating back this cancer, your wife might start feeling better and may not make such negative comments.

You're a valued part of this group, so please let us know how you're doing.

*hugs*
Gail

herdizziness's picture
herdizziness
Posts: 3642
Joined: Apr 2010

Tina said all I would of.
Just know my friend, I'm proud that your going for life and doing your chemo.
I've got your back if you need to talk, curse, blame, any ole' little thing.
Take care, wishing you always the BEST!!!!
Winter Marie

AnneCan
Posts: 3692
Joined: Oct 2009

I am sorry you have all this to deal with. As so many have said, your treatment last time gave you 4 years NED + I am guessing you + your wife have some good memories from that time. You can make many more. It is good to hear your positive attitude - that you are stronger, know what to expect etc. I don't know if you had a port last time, but the power port I have has been wonderful + has made this journey a little easier. I am sending you warm thoughts for huge success with this chemo. Please don't wait 6 months to let us know how you are doing; we are all cheering for you.

dorookie
Posts: 1736
Joined: Jul 2007

Lou, are you really going to be away that long? You will be missed so much, if you can please post once in a while to let us know how you are doing. You and your family will be in my prayers...You can do it, you are strong and I have faith in you, even if you or your wife doesnt....All the best to you, we are here if you need us..

HUGS
Beth

Kathryn_in_MN's picture
Kathryn_in_MN
Posts: 1258
Joined: Sep 2009

While you are doing chemo again is a good time to KEEP posting. It is amazing the number of great little tips I got to deal with issues that came up during treatment that I wouldn't have gotten anywhere else. Pleae keep posting, and keep us updated on how you are doing, and let us know when you have bothersome issues that someone might have a solution for - or at least an idea to lessen the troubles.

As for your wife, I'm sure she is in some sort of shock. This isn't nice, and I apologize if I offend you, but I'd like to slap her! Maybe it would wake her out of her shock so she can move forward into a more productive mode. She signed on "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health." I think she needs a reminder. I bet you'd be there to help her if she needs it through sickness or whatever troubles come her way. She owes you the same. I'd like to see her deal with the hand & foot syndrome and not complain. Or any of the other miserable side effects chemo causes. You got 4 extra years for your 6 months of treatment last time. I'd take that in a heartbeat! Half a year to get 4 more years. Worth it? ABSOLUTELY! And even if it is colon cancer that takes you in the end, if chemo now buys you another 4 years before the next battle, that is definitely worth it!

I only got a couple months after my first battle - we thought I was clear, but it turns out I wasn't. If anyone in my family told me it isn't worth it for me to do chemo again right now because it didn't work last time, I think I would slap them. Just like I feel like doing to your wife. She needs a huge wake up call! I endured a lot more crap than anyone expected my first round of 12 chemos. But that won't stop me from doing it again to buy me more time. I got to watch my third child graduate from high school this spring. I'll watch the second one graduate from college this coming spring. And I plan to be around to see the youngest graduate high school in 3 years, and college in 7! And luckily I've got a lot of friends and family that support that. I would have more trouble if I refused to try again - then they'd be the ones slapping me! ;)

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6220
Joined: Feb 2009

Just wanted to let you know that you are being thought and prayed for and hoping that your chemo treatments go well. Please try to let us know once in a while that you are doing ok. Hope that your wife sees things differently than she does now. Any life is worth living.

Kim

jararno's picture
jararno
Posts: 189
Joined: May 2010

Sorry you are heading back into all this fun and games! I am currently sitting at home with 5FU running into my chest! This is my 12th treatment, so I will soon be having tests to see where we are.

Your wifes reaction is hard to figure. I do know that I do not feel that my family "gets" what I am going through at all! The neuropathy thing is especially hard to explain to anyone.
I have heard that many times the spouse tends to become almost hostile and nonsupportive.
My husband and daughter really don't help me except for the transportation to the treatments.
When I ask for help I usually get a lot of crap from them! I am sure there is a lot of denial on their part, but your wifes reaction seems like she is a bit depressed?

Wishing you the best.....Keep us informed....it is good to see that others are going through the same things as you are!

Take Care.....Barb

maglets's picture
maglets
Posts: 2589
Joined: Jun 2006

Lou i am thinkin about you so much. It is a shame that you have to worry about your wife...

I really really hope that you will post before the 6 months are up. i found that times on chemo...the board was especially helpful just to say....do you have this? do you get that?

good luck Lou

maggie

Lori-S's picture
Lori-S
Posts: 1287
Joined: Sep 2010

I will be sending out some special prayers for you during this time. It seems that if your wife is having trouble with your current situation and you are beginning your treatments again that you might need the support you get here even more. I'd hope that you'd reconsider staying away for 6 months. Try to think of this time as a transition, a time in which you are preparing for a healthier retirement. I am hoping that with your better health and previous experience you do much better with the treatments this time.

Kenny H.'s picture
Kenny H.
Posts: 503
Joined: Aug 2010

Lou, hope you keep us updated. Its lots of stress on all the family members. Like to read your progress though. Headed same direction behind you.

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