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zinniemay's picture
Posts: 534
Joined: Mar 2009

I notice or maybe it is just me. Women seam to be the ones who stay in a marriage when their husband's has cancer. Is it because we by birth are caregivers? I think we are use to the dirty diapers, the bad little things that go along with life. We clean the toliets we clean the house. WWe are clearners by nature. We are taught that we are born to be mothers and all the things that go along with it. While men are taught to be a man go out learn that living. Come home to a clean house chean children and so on. Even now with more and more women going out to work most are still the caregivers.
I do know for a fact that my husband is one who would stay with me. But he is also the one who would if asked to cook, clean and do these womanly things around the house. He has took care of me more than once. But I see so many women who's husbands just leave. I don't get it. They must have missed the part in sickness and in Health!
I am mad that so many woman with cancer are lefted by the person who promised to love them and care for them.
We are so living in a plastic world. And easy outs for some people. When I was young my mother told me that my aunt lived with the man I though was her husband because they could not marry the laws were different then . His wife had been declaired menatlly unfut. So he could not divorce her. The men could not just leave their wifes. I am not sure which is better? But I am so sad to see that men are so selfish . I just don't understand who you could leave someone who you loved and loved you.
I am truely blessed and I know this.

davexx's picture
Posts: 55
Joined: Sep 2010

I have only been a caregiver for several weeks,but as Ive stated in several other.Please do not refer to those as men.It's an insult to my gender.No personal offense taken. love,dave

zinniemay's picture
Posts: 534
Joined: Mar 2009

I am sorry, I just keep reading post and seams so many men leave their wifes who have cancer. I read your love for your wife and I clearly see it. but I read so many of the ladies say their husbands left them and I was refering to that. I don't always say things correctly. I in no way meaning to be insulting . I just don't undertand . I loved my husband the first day I met him in 1972 he came home on leave with my brother. But I dreamed him as a little girl age 10.My family was living in the south we did not have snow. I remember dreaming about marring a man and living (I thought Alaska ) In the Cold snow in a Igloo, and having two children. A strange dream for a kid. I remember his brown eyes and dark hair. And it was so cold! He kept us warm! Then in 1972 He showed up at my parents house to drop off my brother. I told my mother that day he was the man I was going to marry . He was a littl slow and not so willing. Took me a year and a half! burned Hambugers quickly grabed a can of Cream of mushroom soup and poured over them burnt little things the did not look anything like a hambuger. But he ate it anyway. I got him and he is mine! I love him more each day. (once in a while when I forget to look and go to sat on the toliet and the lid is up , I fall into the well you get the picture ,not so much love at that moment). What a life we have shared I am greatful for every momnet (except the toliet) .
I a sorry if I did not say what I was trying to say. I mean that when you love some one sure there will be bad times but don't let thenm over shadow the good ones.
Men like you and my husband are few and far between. You know love and give it.
Sorry if I said men (a hole lot of nothing we will call them!)

pattyanny's picture
Posts: 544
Joined: Jul 2009

Thank you zinnie for the heartfelt post! I am so happy you have one of the "good" men!
It is amazing how you two "found" each other. A true love story! May God bless your love, and hope you continue to grow together throughout the years.

Hi Dave! We know from all your beautiful posts throughout the sight, you are a good man.
There are so many of us woman, who wish we had a caretaker, loving & supportive man to lean on during these difficult times. When we do vent about our selfish men, please do not be insulted. They broke the mold when they made you! God bless you for you patience and caring!
Sometimes it is difficult to know there are good ones out there, when there are so many postings of men deserting their sick wives. Right now, his lawyer has accused me of being an alcoholic liar! I only wish a pina colada tasted as good as it once did, and that the things I am divorcing him for WERE false allegations. (Sigh) So please, do not take these "men bashing" post personally. Men like you are few & far between! God bless you, and hang in there! I know this is a rough journey for you as well! God bless your strength!

Love & Prayers, Patty

zinniemay's picture
Posts: 534
Joined: Mar 2009

My post was for you and the others I have read about, I am so sorry that this has happened to you. I can't begin to understand all these things.
Not to say any marriage is 100% perfect , I am sure there are many faults in our marriage .But it is love that keeps us together. I wish I had words of wisdom for you and others. I am humbled by your words and you couarage in all that is happening in your life.
I think My husband is a good man and I have never thought differently. I worry at the fear he will not always be with me.
I wish you peace . I wish you happiness . I wish you many happy times.

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