Some days are diamonds – some days are stone

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Kerry S
Kerry S CSN Member Posts: 606 Member
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
Some times the hard times won’t leave me alone. This old John Denver song comes to mind as I tell you of yet another misadventure with my damn bag.

The other day I was wearing my bib overalls. You know the kind farmers like to wear.
Well the bag got to be 2/3 full, so I assume the position of kneeling in front of the john – drop the shoulder straps – let the overalls fall below my waist. I was wearing a shirt with tails so I rolled up the shirt tails and with the bag hanging over the john and proceeded to undo the bag for dumping.

That is when it happened. With both hands on the bag and the Velcro tabs undone the damn shirt tails fall down. The right hand goes for the shirt tails and I kind of straighten up. When this happens my dumb left hand lets go of the bag. The bag now swings out of the john to slap against my crotch. This of course dumps the entire contents of the bag right down inside my overalls. I am there kneeling with crap pooling at both knees. What a mess.

Lesson learned – in the future, hold shirt tails in your teeth. Some day I will reflect back on this point of my life and laugh.

Kerry
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Comments

  • Buzzard
    Buzzard CSN Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    #2
    Kerry........Ya have to laugh to keep from crying but.....
    next supply order try some disposable bags instead of the reusable....The one shot bag sure is a lot easier to deal with...but with an illeo, im not sure, I have an colonostomy. Although I still think it may be easier......anywho...on with the show buddy....hope your doing well.....Buzz
  • KathiM
    KathiM CSN Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #3
    Welcome to MY world (and most other women...)...LOL!
    Picture a public toilet that looks less that sanitary. It's in the dead of winter. Sooooo...

    Long coat rolled up around the middle, held in place by elbows. Pants rolled down, only to knees to avoid dropping on floor which is wet. Panties tucked inside pants, so that they don't contact toilet...squatting over the bowl, trying VERY hard NOT to sit completely down on the wet (from other women) seat...attempting to aim with a device that, instead of a tube-like organ, is more like a hose sprayer...THEN don't EVEN get me STARTED about the process of WIPING!!!!

    I know it wasn't funny what happened to you, dearheart, but I couldn't help myself with my giggle...

    BIG hugs to you!!!!

    Hugs, Kathi
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #4
    KathiM said:

    Welcome to MY world (and most other women...)...LOL!
    Picture a public toilet that looks less that sanitary. It's in the dead of winter. Sooooo...

    Long coat rolled up around the middle, held in place by elbows. Pants rolled down, only to knees to avoid dropping on floor which is wet. Panties tucked inside pants, so that they don't contact toilet...squatting over the bowl, trying VERY hard NOT to sit completely down on the wet (from other women) seat...attempting to aim with a device that, instead of a tube-like organ, is more like a hose sprayer...THEN don't EVEN get me STARTED about the process of WIPING!!!!

    I know it wasn't funny what happened to you, dearheart, but I couldn't help myself with my giggle...

    BIG hugs to you!!!!

    Hugs, Kathi

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard CSN Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    #5
    KathiM said:

    Welcome to MY world (and most other women...)...LOL!
    Picture a public toilet that looks less that sanitary. It's in the dead of winter. Sooooo...

    Long coat rolled up around the middle, held in place by elbows. Pants rolled down, only to knees to avoid dropping on floor which is wet. Panties tucked inside pants, so that they don't contact toilet...squatting over the bowl, trying VERY hard NOT to sit completely down on the wet (from other women) seat...attempting to aim with a device that, instead of a tube-like organ, is more like a hose sprayer...THEN don't EVEN get me STARTED about the process of WIPING!!!!

    I know it wasn't funny what happened to you, dearheart, but I couldn't help myself with my giggle...

    BIG hugs to you!!!!

    Hugs, Kathi

    Kerry, one more thought
    If an illeo bag had a much longer dumping tube, instead of the 2-3" it has would that not allow you to unroll it on down with more control an ease of dumping ? It may also make it easier to rinse out with out the mess...maybe even since the illeo is a lot more fluidy (sp) something like a catheter dump vlv (quarter turn) to simply open allow to dump and close as needed. Maybe if we start sending ideas to our suppliers we might could get some prothesis' that are more user friendly than they are now....Your a farmer, and I am sure quite adept at field engineering equipment as most farmers are. Field engineer you a device (even if its disposable) to make life easier so that ya don't end up with another load of garden fertilizer in your drawers...been there done that, and got a wife that doesn't let me forget it either.......(your not the only one married to a scary ole woman)


    PS.....you and I need to have breakfast some morning with eggs cathead biscuits, and bacon...maybe a little redeye gravy as well.........Dam, Im hungry now. Talk with ya later...Buzz
  • Lovekitties
    Lovekitties CSN Member Posts: 3,364 Member
    #6
    Sorry for your misadventure
    I realize that there are some differences for us ladies than you gents from a clothing perspective but here are a few things I do:

    I have a folding chair in the bathroom. When it comes time to empty the bag I set it up facing the toilet, as close as I can get it. Makes for more stable working conditions for me and my 'seat' has a bit more padding than my knees.

    As for shirt tails, I like to wear long shirts so what I do is roll it up from the bottom and kinda pull it to one side and anchor under my arm pit. My misadventure before doing this was more along the lines of the shirt ending up in the toilet.

    Thanks for sharing your world adventures with the bag. While not to funny for you, I am sure it gave many here the laugh you were aiming for!

    Take care,

    Marie who loves kitties
  • Nana b
    Nana b CSN Member Posts: 3,030 Member
    #7
    Lovekitties said:

    Sorry for your misadventure
    I realize that there are some differences for us ladies than you gents from a clothing perspective but here are a few things I do:

    I have a folding chair in the bathroom. When it comes time to empty the bag I set it up facing the toilet, as close as I can get it. Makes for more stable working conditions for me and my 'seat' has a bit more padding than my knees.

    As for shirt tails, I like to wear long shirts so what I do is roll it up from the bottom and kinda pull it to one side and anchor under my arm pit. My misadventure before doing this was more along the lines of the shirt ending up in the toilet.

    Thanks for sharing your world adventures with the bag. While not to funny for you, I am sure it gave many here the laugh you were aiming for!

    Take care,

    Marie who loves kitties

    lol
    Look at the bright side you had pants on to hold some of the crap!
  • khl8
    khl8 CSN Member Posts: 807
    #8
    Nana b said:

    lol
    Look at the bright side you had pants on to hold some of the crap!

    Kerry,
    sit on the toilet to
    Kerry,
    sit on the toilet to dump, and put toilet paper in the bowl first, it slows the splash!

    Kathy
  • Lori-S
    Lori-S CSN Member Posts: 1,277 Member
    #9
    Well Kerry
    If you wore a bra like I do, you could just tuck your shirt in like I do. ☺
  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 CSN Member Posts: 6,742 Member
    #10
    Toilet
    I agree with sitting on the toilet and letting the end hang down and then open it. In public it would be very hard though as toilets are gross. Try doing it over an outhouse toilet now that is disgusting especially if it splashes back up at you - yuck.

    Kim
  • coloCan
    coloCan CSN Member Posts: 1,944 Member
    #11
    Annabelle41415 said:

    Toilet
    I agree with sitting on the toilet and letting the end hang down and then open it. In public it would be very hard though as toilets are gross. Try doing it over an outhouse toilet now that is disgusting especially if it splashes back up at you - yuck.

    Kim

    When I was still relatively bed-ridden, my girlfriend was clean
    My GF was cleaning the area around stoma as a solid particle started to emerge from the top of stoma. Must have been some gas shooting out right behind it as the jelly-bean shaped stool became a projectile and bounced off her chin.....Good thing her mouth was closed!!!!!steve
  • karguy
    karguy Member Posts: 1,020 Member
    #12
    Well
    Well I learned to unbutton my shirt,and hold it to the sides while I empty my bag.Wait untill you have to take the go lightly for a colonoscopy.When you take the bag off you have to have two bags ,or it goes shooting all over the place.Good luck.
  • Kerry S
    Kerry S CSN Member Posts: 606 Member
    #13
    khl8 said:

    Kerry,
    sit on the toilet to
    Kerry,
    sit on the toilet to dump, and put toilet paper in the bowl first, it slows the splash!

    Kathy

    My ileo is above my waist line
    Darlin,
    My ileo is above my waist line. If I tried to dump sitting on the john a good friend of mine down that way would be extremely POed at me.

    Kerry
  • khl8
    khl8 CSN Member Posts: 807
    #14
    Kerry S said:

    My ileo is above my waist line
    Darlin,
    My ileo is above my waist line. If I tried to dump sitting on the john a good friend of mine down that way would be extremely POed at me.

    Kerry

    Well then, I guess you are
    Well then, I guess you are up sh*& creek without a paddle!!!! LOL
  • AnneCan
    AnneCan CSN Member Posts: 3,673 Member
    #15
    Oh Kerry
    I am so sorry you had that crap to deal with. Keep smiling + making us smile.
  • John23
    John23 CSN Member Posts: 2,121 Member
    #16
    Lesson learned ?

    Actually, the lesson learned should be: Empty when no more than 1/3 full.

    The manufacturer tells us that, the ostomy nurse will tell you that,
    and any ileostomate will tell you that.

    Is that Ileo a temporary one? If so, was there any reason the surgeon
    placed it where he did?

    Just curious..


    John
  • Kerry S
    Kerry S CSN Member Posts: 606 Member
    #17
    John23 said:

    Lesson learned ?

    Actually, the lesson learned should be: Empty when no more than 1/3 full.

    The manufacturer tells us that, the ostomy nurse will tell you that,
    and any ileostomate will tell you that.

    Is that Ileo a temporary one? If so, was there any reason the surgeon
    placed it where he did?

    Just curious..


    John

    don't know
    John,

    I think he picked the spot due to my body shape. He had me sit up just before they knocked me out and marked a spot for it. Yes this is a temp ileo. I get reconnected after deer season. The good part is I will not have to worry about needing to take a dump while I am up in the tree stand.

    Kerry
  • betina61
    betina61 Member Posts: 642 Member
    #18
    Kerry S said:

    My ileo is above my waist line
    Darlin,
    My ileo is above my waist line. If I tried to dump sitting on the john a good friend of mine down that way would be extremely POed at me.

    Kerry

    Kerry
    I am sorry for this new accident with your bag, but to be honest with you,I have to tell you that you have a very funny way of explaining what happened, you are UNIQUE!!!
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard CSN Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    #19
    Kerry S said:

    don't know
    John,

    I think he picked the spot due to my body shape. He had me sit up just before they knocked me out and marked a spot for it. Yes this is a temp ileo. I get reconnected after deer season. The good part is I will not have to worry about needing to take a dump while I am up in the tree stand.

    Kerry

    I GOT IT
    SHOP VAC...No Muss No Fuss........
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 CSN Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    #20
    You tickle me
    Kerry,

    I know you must have been horrified at the time this all went down, but I have to say that I LOVE your stories. So descriptive! Hang in there, buddy.

    *hugs*
    Gail
  • Nana b
    Nana b CSN Member Posts: 3,030 Member
    #21
    tootsie1 said:

    You tickle me
    Kerry,

    I know you must have been horrified at the time this all went down, but I have to say that I LOVE your stories. So descriptive! Hang in there, buddy.

    *hugs*
    Gail

    Just to say....
    As you all know I never had to have the BAG..but want you all to know that I am so proud of the way you all kid about that dam thing....I hope if I ever have to get one that I can also kid about it. I really look up to you all, having to deal with one, it must be very hard at times!!! No pun intended!

    Sincerely, Raquel

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