funk day

zinniemay
zinniemay Member Posts: 522
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
ever have one of what I call funk days, well this is mine and I hope I don't have them to much. Like everything around me I just can't get into it. Cooking , Cleaning (With O.C.D) not a good thing. Husband is the one sick ,he laid down today .I set and worry. I just can't seam to find words or feelings. It is like why why why , yet I am not asking why. I just seam to feel so alone and empty. I can't shake this feeling.
I read the post others write and think my why didn't I say that or wish I could find these words to say how I feel. Only thing that seams to come close is empty. Drained from fear,and the what next thing. Just like I am in a old black and white movie and it is playing over and over in my head. Words sometimes don't come and when they do they are not at all what I want to say . Saddiness and doom and I know that is not right. I have so much good in my life but just can't seam to get out from under this funky day.
Maybe knowing my husband don't feel good and I can not run into the kitchen and fix him a bowl of Chicken noodle soup to make him feel better. Or the baking of a apple pie .
Am I the only one who gets into these moods? Is it self pity? or just fear?
I just want to feel normal in a not so normal world . I want to get up and find I dreamed a bad dream . I want to grap some bandaid and up on his boo-boo. Kiss him and tell him it will be ok.
Funk days suck!

Comments

  • Barbara53
    Barbara53 Member Posts: 652
    #2
    yes, they do
    Yes, funk days do suck, especially when they catch you by surprise. Like you go to bed feeling fine, and wake up on the verge of tears and can't do anything until you cry for a while.

    Thomas Moore, author of Life of the Soul, points out that "dark nights" are profoundly meaningful times for our deepest selves to process what's going on. You can't go around, have to go through. Be patient with yourself, ZM. Every day will bring opportunities to love your husband in ways that replace the ones that no longer apply.
  • Pennymac02
    Pennymac02 Member Posts: 332 Member
    #3
    I Think
    I think sometimes those moods are kind of like "catch up" for me. I go, and go, and go, and then one day, I just can't "go" anymore, and I don't care, either. Thats when I kind of let myself feel the stuff I've been avoiding by being too busy, and wait for it to pass in the next few days. The last time it happened, though, the feeling of emptiness didn't pass, it just kept getting worse and worse. That's when I went to the PCP for antidepressants because I couldn't get out of the funk. The stress and worry we caregivers are under is pretty significant. I'd think something was wrong with us if we went through this process without having those funky days. Hugs to you, Zinniemay.
    Penny
  • junklady
    junklady Member Posts: 88 Member
    #4
    Lots of those days
    Yes, there are a lot of those days. I always felt like I was living in a box that I could not get out of. It will be one month on the 29th, since Dale left this earth. I miss him so, and still cannot believe he is gone. The caregiving days were very hard, always doing something to comfort your loved one. Your life is devoted to your husband, and you have no life, it's very frustrating and exhausting. Like the movie Groundhog Day, the same routine playing over and over, but somehow you keep going on. I always wondered where the strength came from. I still wake up at all hours, but he is not here to care for anymore. Just breaks my heart. I was always go, go, go, and now there are days I just sit, cry, and can't get motivated. I feel eventually, with time, I will ease back into doing things I enjoy. Just be there for your husband, and tell him how much you love him. Let no words go unsaid. Take care.
    Cynthia
  • 3Mana
    3Mana Member Posts: 811
    #5
    Had alot of bad days!
    When my husband was diagnosed with lung cancer that had spread, I had alot of "funk" days. First of all we were shocked to hear that news. When we got back home we both cried. Although he only lived for 2 months after the diagnosis, I felt so helpless and sometimes went into the bathroom to cry. Didn't want him to know how scared and afraid I was. We were supposed to grow old together, and that wasn't going to happen. I did everything I could for him and made sure he knew how much he meant to me.
    Cancer sucks and having to see your loved one not eat, lose weight & just go downhill is a hard thing to do. So don't feel bad for having a bad day!!! We're all here for you to tell us how you feel. Hope we can help!! "Carole"
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #6
    Of Course
    Had a funk day? Of course, i've had many. I think we just have to accept those as part of territory. You are doing so well and your posts here are helping others every day. Give yourself a break. Funk days are going to happen. Acknowledging them is probably the best way to deal with them. Then give yourself permission to just be funky. It's ok, it is even normal whatever that is. Every caregiver in the world has funk days. You might even want to bake yourself a cake and celebrate being normal. Just kidding, of course. Just give yourself permission to wallow occasionally. You deserve a good wallow now and then. Fay
  • karenbeth
    karenbeth Member Posts: 194
    #7
    me, too
    I am having a funk day too. When my partner was first diagnosed and then starting treatment, at least my job was relatively calm and quiet. Now, work is extremely stressful-for the first time ever I have to lay people off. Then I come home to more stress. I am trying to figure out how to handle it all. And the person that I usually vent to or dump on is depressed himself because of his illness, so I have to try to suck it up at home, which is not easy. But I just remind myself that it could be worse (and it could!) and that I am strong and have the inner resources to get through this all. It's hard not to wallow, but sometimes you have to for a while.
  • lovingwifedeb
    lovingwifedeb Member Posts: 183
    #8
    I Totally Agree
    It's hard to watch your loved one not be themselves, hey? Although I was fretting totally for another reason... it was about whether "we", my husband and I are making the right decision about trying the natural way (nutrition) for treating my husband's melanoma, and he's sitting back happy as a clam right now. Now this is completely different behavior from the last 7 weeks. Not that it's bad mind you. At least he has a battle plan now, a direction to move into that he agrees with.

    "Funk Day" it is then... feeling out of sorts. We all get them and as far as I'm concerned it's NORMAL!

    Deb
    lovingwife to Bob, stage 3c
  • zinniemay
    zinniemay Member Posts: 522
    #9
    karenbeth said:

    me, too
    I am having a funk day too. When my partner was first diagnosed and then starting treatment, at least my job was relatively calm and quiet. Now, work is extremely stressful-for the first time ever I have to lay people off. Then I come home to more stress. I am trying to figure out how to handle it all. And the person that I usually vent to or dump on is depressed himself because of his illness, so I have to try to suck it up at home, which is not easy. But I just remind myself that it could be worse (and it could!) and that I am strong and have the inner resources to get through this all. It's hard not to wallow, but sometimes you have to for a while.

    Thanks all
    I tell you now the funk days seam to go on so fast and with not warning. I just want to scream and all these thoughs run thru my head. So hard to grasp something that you are having to learn to live with and take it one day at a time.
    My husband retired and I stay home and I am not so sure that makes it better some days I would say Oh yes it is great, other days I think I wish I was at work to take my mind off some of this.
    I feel on funk days we are setting waiting to see if death is going to knock on our door. My husband is T4N1Mo Mets to both lungs, First two rounds of Chemo this time shrank the tumors 30-40% and one completly gone. The second two rounds the tumors did not shrink but did not grow. I am trying to think positive. That is hard to do. Fear slips in and Funks up my day.
    My husband still does things like we went out junking as we call it to day only a couplke hours. We watch T.V. he does not look or act sick. He had no tubes no nothing. He eats what ever I fix. So SOme days I look and think Not him he looks good. Then days he gets tired and he wants to sleep I get worried.
    He has always been a morning person and I a night owl. It works for us now I can set and listen to him sleep and then I go to bed and he gets to get up have a little me time on the computer.
    But Funk days still come and they still rob me of my thougts. As hard as I try they still find away to mess up the day.
  • rankind
    rankind Member Posts: 36
    #10
    Oh my gosh
    I can't believe that you are feeling the exact same thing that I am feeling. Looking for answer and knowing that they are not going to come. I have faith in God and have no doubt that my brother will be excepted into Heaven. I guess that I have never known what a control freak I really am. For the first time in my life I can't fix it. I can't fix it for my brother, I can't fix it for my mother and father and my other brother and for Jeff's sons and grandsons. I just can't do it.
  • 3Mana
    3Mana Member Posts: 811
    #11
    rankind said:

    Oh my gosh
    I can't believe that you are feeling the exact same thing that I am feeling. Looking for answer and knowing that they are not going to come. I have faith in God and have no doubt that my brother will be excepted into Heaven. I guess that I have never known what a control freak I really am. For the first time in my life I can't fix it. I can't fix it for my brother, I can't fix it for my mother and father and my other brother and for Jeff's sons and grandsons. I just can't do it.

    Hard to accept
    When someone you love gets the diagnosis of cancer it is very hard to accept. It's got to be awful for the one who has it, but us caregivers suffer just as much. It's a very helpless feeling and watching them suffer is like hell on earth. Everyone who's gone through this has the same feelings. After my husband died in March from lung cancer 2 months after the diagnosis, I thought I was losing it. Never thought I'd have to go on meds for depression. But I stopped eating, couldn't sleep, stayed on the couch all day & cried. I started seeing a counselor and still see her only once a month now, but it helps. Maybe it would help you cope with what is going on right now. Give it a try!!! This is a great support coming to this site, so keep talking to us cause we all understand. "Carole"
  • Tina Blondek
    Tina Blondek Member Posts: 1,500 Member
    #12
    zinniemay said:

    Thanks all
    I tell you now the funk days seam to go on so fast and with not warning. I just want to scream and all these thoughs run thru my head. So hard to grasp something that you are having to learn to live with and take it one day at a time.
    My husband retired and I stay home and I am not so sure that makes it better some days I would say Oh yes it is great, other days I think I wish I was at work to take my mind off some of this.
    I feel on funk days we are setting waiting to see if death is going to knock on our door. My husband is T4N1Mo Mets to both lungs, First two rounds of Chemo this time shrank the tumors 30-40% and one completly gone. The second two rounds the tumors did not shrink but did not grow. I am trying to think positive. That is hard to do. Fear slips in and Funks up my day.
    My husband still does things like we went out junking as we call it to day only a couplke hours. We watch T.V. he does not look or act sick. He had no tubes no nothing. He eats what ever I fix. So SOme days I look and think Not him he looks good. Then days he gets tired and he wants to sleep I get worried.
    He has always been a morning person and I a night owl. It works for us now I can set and listen to him sleep and then I go to bed and he gets to get up have a little me time on the computer.
    But Funk days still come and they still rob me of my thougts. As hard as I try they still find away to mess up the day.

    Funk Day
    Hello Zinniemay
    Hope today finds you somewhat out of your "funk". Have you ever considered any kind of group discussions with other cancer caregivers, or any counseling for yourself? Have you ever tried starting a journal between you and your husband? We did this, me my mom and dad. We called it our family journal. Some of us find it very hard to express are true feelings to one another. We find that it is much easier to write them down. We found our journal to be most helpful. Dad passed away in March. Mom and I still go back and look through it. We treasure every entry. Reading it now does make us cry, but it also makes us happy that we have this. This is just my thoughts and a suggestion. I will be thinking and praying for both of you. Keep us updated.
    Tina
  • kimmygarland
    kimmygarland Member Posts: 312
    #13
    3Mana said:

    Hard to accept
    When someone you love gets the diagnosis of cancer it is very hard to accept. It's got to be awful for the one who has it, but us caregivers suffer just as much. It's a very helpless feeling and watching them suffer is like hell on earth. Everyone who's gone through this has the same feelings. After my husband died in March from lung cancer 2 months after the diagnosis, I thought I was losing it. Never thought I'd have to go on meds for depression. But I stopped eating, couldn't sleep, stayed on the couch all day & cried. I started seeing a counselor and still see her only once a month now, but it helps. Maybe it would help you cope with what is going on right now. Give it a try!!! This is a great support coming to this site, so keep talking to us cause we all understand. "Carole"

    I Had One Yesterday!
    I had a funk day yesterday. I was lashing out at everyone, including my husband. I was so tired because he woke me up the night before at 3 am, and then at the last tube feeding of the day at 8:30 pm, the medicine got stuck in the tube and I was frustrated and then I slung water and medicine everywhere - it was a mess. Today I can laugh about it but last night it was not funny AT ALL. Bob just sat there and didn't say a word. I guess after decades together he knows when to keep his mouth shut! Of course then I felt horribly guilty.
  • zinniemay
    zinniemay Member Posts: 522
    #14
    kimmygarland said:

    I Had One Yesterday!
    I had a funk day yesterday. I was lashing out at everyone, including my husband. I was so tired because he woke me up the night before at 3 am, and then at the last tube feeding of the day at 8:30 pm, the medicine got stuck in the tube and I was frustrated and then I slung water and medicine everywhere - it was a mess. Today I can laugh about it but last night it was not funny AT ALL. Bob just sat there and didn't say a word. I guess after decades together he knows when to keep his mouth shut! Of course then I felt horribly guilty.

    Funk
    Why I call it funk day is way behold me. That was the way I was feeling . I just get into moods that have no reason or rhyme. But think it is good when they are over and I can laugh at myself. I don't think you should feel guilty about it. We all have the days from Hell-o . I think it is sweet that Bob did not say a word. Sounds like a very smart guy!
    Some daays I don't know which end is up. And I have maybe less worries than most of you. My husband retired. I lost my job when they closed the doors. So We are home together every day .Wait everyday oh maybe that is why I get in the funk mood! Cook clean repeat! We are slowly lossing our "friends" because we can no longer do for them!
    So To many hours to wollow in self pity for me maybe. Oh if you buy stock I would buy Little Debbie cake stocks! They are becoming my best friend!

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