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My Dad is struggling

abbey712's picture
Posts: 12
Joined: May 2010

Hi everybody,
I haven't posted on here in a while but there have been many of you have sent kind replies to my posts in the past. I have been out of the country for the past 4 weeks and returned on Thursday to find my Dad has deteriorated rapidly. I spoke to him daily while i was away up until the week before i returned home where he seemed to be sleeping whenever i called. My Mum warned me he was not doing so good but i was not prepared for this at all.

Like every overseas trip i've been on he insisted on being there to pick me up from the airport and we came home together and opened gifts i had bought the family on my travels. By the next morning he had deteriorated even more. He is extremely jaundice and the whites of his eyes are very yellow. He sleeps alot, almost 90% of the day i would say. The hardest part is his confusion and speech. He can't get out what he wants to say and often answers or starts a conversation that makes no sense. He does not seem to be too aware of this confusion which i guess is a blessing and helps him have some peace.

He also has the tremors badly particularly in his hands which at times he is aware of and frutrates him. He has spilt his cup of tea numerous times but when alert wishes to be independent and doesn't want the help to hold it. I am staying in the house with my Mum and we have hospice coming in every few days to check on us. The ascites in his stomach is a problem as it has been for the past few months and i'm not sure how we'll get on with going in for the drainage this Friday.

On top of all that as some of you know i live in New Zealand, right where the huge earthquake was last week. There have been over 500 aftershocks since the big quake and they're still continuing. We had 7 quakes last night alone. So as well as the emotion of caring for Dad our nerves are frayed from the shaking earth and having to move under a door frame as quickly as possible at all hours of the day and night.

I know many of you out there are going through your own struggles and know that i'm keeping you all in my prayers too. This is a wonderful forum with such a great group of people and i'm happy just knowing you are all out there too.

Lovekitties's picture
Posts: 3355
Joined: Jan 2010

So sorry to hear that your dad is not doing well. I know you and your family will do all you can for him to help him through this transition.

Please all of you take care with those quakes.

Hugs to you all,

Marie who loves kitties

christinecarl's picture
Posts: 545
Joined: Sep 2009

I am very sorry about your dad. I will keep you all in my prayers. I remember the last time I saw my mom, it sounds very similar to what you are going through. It was at the point where I wanted to tell her to just let go, but I never could get those words out. I hope that everything settles down from the earthquake, never been through one, but they sound scary.

John23's picture
Posts: 2140
Joined: Jan 2007

You didn't provide much data here, but I'm going to stick my
leg out and offer one of my great .02 cent opinions anyway:

It sure sounds like dad's into liver failure big-time! Rather than
"hospice" looking in on him, have you found a physician that can
do something about that liver problem? He sounds like he's
going to go into renal failure if something isn't done soon!

If his present physician hasn't addressed the problem, you should
locate one that will.

Hope things go well!


Posts: 3692
Joined: Oct 2009

I am so sorry to hear that your Dad is not doing well. You don't need the earthquake on top of that! Know you + yours are in my thoughts.

tootsie1's picture
Posts: 5056
Joined: Feb 2008


I'm so sorry about your dad.


karguy's picture
Posts: 1024
Joined: Apr 2009

I am sorry about your dad,I hope you can find a doctor that will check him.My brother had pancreatic cancer,and he had similar symptoms when his kidneys shut down.I will pray for you both,and watch yourself with those earth quakes.

melo72's picture
Posts: 36
Joined: Aug 2009

Dear Abbey,
I'm in the same situation,my mom is in hospice too and the same syomptoms.the most difficult part is to see her in confusion and agree that she is not aware of this and is blessing.
Now she is in hospital and we will take her tommorow home.

I pray for you and your father...


Buzzard's picture
Posts: 3073
Joined: Aug 2008

It seems as though he needs to be checked for liver issues... Jaundice appearance and yellowish tint in the white of the eyes indicate possible liver failure. He needs to be attended to rather quickly as well.....Love Hope and prayers to you all, Buzz

pepebcn's picture
Posts: 6352
Joined: Aug 2010

surgery , just tell you for your console that l was not aware at all ,no suffering , but ln my opinion he needs an hospital
as soon as possible !
Prayers for you both.

luv3jay's picture
Posts: 534
Joined: May 2009

I'm sorry to hear about your dad's condition. I pray for his peace and well being through all of this. Be strong...I know that is hard and such a cliche, but it's what your dad needs from you now.


abbey712's picture
Posts: 12
Joined: May 2010

Thanks everyone for all your kind words. We have hospice nurses here everyday now along with the palliative care doctor and my father's own GP who checks in daily. Like many of you say his liver his failing but the cancer has also spread to many other parts of his body including his brain which his GP thinks is causing the confusion. He has not had any type of cancer treatment in sometime since we exhausted all our options. We will continue to be by his side to the end.
Thanks again for all your thoughts and advice.

christinecarl's picture
Posts: 545
Joined: Sep 2009

I am very sorry to hear your dad is at the end of his journey. I pray for a quick passage for him. It is nice that you can be there with him to remind him how much you love him. Really that is all any of us can hope for when we get called home, is to be with the ones we love the most. {{hugs}}

herdizziness's picture
Posts: 3642
Joined: Apr 2010

So glad that you are with him, so sorry for the sorrow to come.
My prayers for a peaceful end, I'm sure even if he is confused he still somehow knows that you are there beside him. I'm also sending prayers that you feel comfort when he reaches the end of his life upon this earth, knowing he loved you well, and you loved him well too.
Winter Marie

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