Do I cry or do I laugh

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forme
forme Member Posts: 1,161 Member
edited March 2014 in Lymphoma (Hodgkin and Non-Hodgkin) #1
Hi All,
Well , here I am ready to explode. I don't know if I should cry or laugh or just go crazy..
Dr told me that on the most recent ct and pet/ct they found a mass on my ovary. can you believe this s**t. I mean , really when is enough enough. I though that I had more then I could handle but I guess that is not the case. Seems like I needed more on my plate. Had a CA-125 test today ( ovarian ca) and will now need to do an ultrasound. I am trying to find the good happy place in all of this. Still looking..
I am so tired of Drs and tests and treatments, I need a vacation far away. You all have been so great , you lift me up and give me hope and of course you make me smile..
Today just Sucks.. I want to cry, but the tears don't work. Nothing seems to work right now.
Thanks for letting me rant and rave. I feel safe with all of you.
Lisha
PS I guess the good happy place is knowing that I have maxed out my copays and everything is paid in full. LOL

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  • dixiegirl
    dixiegirl Member Posts: 1,043 Member
    #2
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    crap
    Oh man, I am so sorry. I am crying for you. I cannot imagine they haven't told you this before now. When did you have the scan? Have you had any issues that would have clued you in to a problem there?

    I completely understand about being so tired of all this. I get better with one thing, then something else happens. I am in revolving dr's hell :)

    Take a moment at a time sweetie. Cry when you can..it's ok. Go break something (always helps me get rid of stress), but make sure you can live without it first LOL.
  • forme
    forme Member Posts: 1,161 Member
    #3
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    dixiegirl said:

    crap
    Oh man, I am so sorry. I am crying for you. I cannot imagine they haven't told you this before now. When did you have the scan? Have you had any issues that would have clued you in to a problem there?

    I completely understand about being so tired of all this. I get better with one thing, then something else happens. I am in revolving dr's hell :)

    Take a moment at a time sweetie. Cry when you can..it's ok. Go break something (always helps me get rid of stress), but make sure you can live without it first LOL.

    No clue
    Hi Beth,
    No real clues. I have so many symptoms, but never entered my mind. I thought they were mostly lymphoma related. Vague discomfort, but I take a lot of pain meds, I don't know. I am overwhelmed right now. I think that Drs are mostly playing the guess what you have game. I don't want to play..
    Maybe I need to take a break from scans and tests. Life would be so much easier..
    Lisha

    Thanks for making me smile, I didn't think I had it in me today..
  • truckingalong
    truckingalong Member Posts: 445 Member
    #4
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    forme said:

    No clue
    Hi Beth,
    No real clues. I have so many symptoms, but never entered my mind. I thought they were mostly lymphoma related. Vague discomfort, but I take a lot of pain meds, I don't know. I am overwhelmed right now. I think that Drs are mostly playing the guess what you have game. I don't want to play..
    Maybe I need to take a break from scans and tests. Life would be so much easier..
    Lisha

    Thanks for making me smile, I didn't think I had it in me today..

    Juggling news sucks
    Lisha, I know how this sucks for you. I too went to 8 different doctors trying to find out what was wrong with me - it had been a year until my diagnosis of Hodgkins last month. But in July of last year, I just had ovarian cysts and ovaries removed. I was told it is better than to keep getting cysts as this was my second surgery for that. Then after that, my health went downhill and my blood tests became abnormal plus symptoms of weight loss, etc, etc. Feels like playing bingo. At any rate, glad you found out and get on with what is needed to be done. Go for it even tho this sucks.

    Hugs to you,
    Liz
  • allmost60
    allmost60 Member Posts: 3,178 Member
    #5
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    Hi Lisha,
    YES....this
    Hi Lisha,
    YES....this "totally" sucks!!! I am so very, very sorry that this has been added to your plate!! Makes me very sad. When I read about all of the years that some of you have been dealing with various cancers and recurances(sp?), it makes me ashamed for carrying on about the prednisone and pre-treatment jitters. My heart goes out to you and Vinny and all of the others that have been battling this crap for so darn long and then running into one road block after another along the way. I'm seriously humbled by the many warriors in this group. I wish so badly for a cure for "all" cancer!!! We are leaving town tomorrow around 2:00 for the next 3 days. We decided to just get away to our favorite cottage down on the river before the weather gets too cold. I'll keep you and everyone in my prayers while we're gone. I won't have access to a computer, but I'll catch up when we get home on Saturday evening. Take care Lisha, and try to stay as peaceful as possible...I don't know what else to say...just breaks my heart.
    Love...Sue
  • forme
    forme Member Posts: 1,161 Member
    #6
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    allmost60 said:

    Hi Lisha,
    YES....this
    Hi Lisha,
    YES....this "totally" sucks!!! I am so very, very sorry that this has been added to your plate!! Makes me very sad. When I read about all of the years that some of you have been dealing with various cancers and recurances(sp?), it makes me ashamed for carrying on about the prednisone and pre-treatment jitters. My heart goes out to you and Vinny and all of the others that have been battling this crap for so darn long and then running into one road block after another along the way. I'm seriously humbled by the many warriors in this group. I wish so badly for a cure for "all" cancer!!! We are leaving town tomorrow around 2:00 for the next 3 days. We decided to just get away to our favorite cottage down on the river before the weather gets too cold. I'll keep you and everyone in my prayers while we're gone. I won't have access to a computer, but I'll catch up when we get home on Saturday evening. Take care Lisha, and try to stay as peaceful as possible...I don't know what else to say...just breaks my heart.
    Love...Sue

    Thanks
    Hi Sue,
    Thank you so much for you kind and thoughtful words. Please don't ever feel ashamed for "carrying on". You have every right to whine,complain, scream,pout whatever you what.. When you have cancer, whether it's the first time or a recurrance or another different cancer all the feelings you have are real and they are valid. I may not be a newbie to cancer, but I am still a person who has fears and worry. I try to be strong for myself and for my family. Then I have days like today when I don't feel strong , I feel so needy and lonley and sad.
    I feel so lucky to have found this wonderful site with such amazing people.
    I try not to look back and only to go forward. Not at all easy.. I think of all of you and your brave struggles. I learn from all of you.
    I will be thinking of you and your hubby the next couple of days. Have a wonderful healing time together. It sounds like a lovely place to spend time. We have a granddaughters 12th birthday party coming up. I so enjoy time with the kids. Big and small. LOL
    Thinking of you..
    Lisha
  • vinny59
    vinny59 Member Posts: 1,036 Member
    #7
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    I'd Laugh
    Oh Lisha, wow I'm so sorry to hear this!! The hit's just keep on coming, don't they. Just try to stay positive and know that your going to beat the living crap out of anything the Big C is going to throw at you! Have faith in your doctors to get you thru this!!!!! We are all here for you!!!!! Vinny
  • merrywinner
    merrywinner Member Posts: 626 Member
    #8
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    So sorry Lisha!
    My goodness it seems like so much to deal with but I just bet you can! Like someone else said just one step at a time. I suppose you have no idea what your game plan will be yet but once you do I think that will help you gather the strength to move on with it. I will be praying for you and sending good thoughts. You are right, this is a safe place to lay all of your cards out. Find a spot where you can grab some peace,take a few deep breaths and then fight like hell! Mary
  • forme
    forme Member Posts: 1,161 Member
    #9
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    merrywinner said:

    So sorry Lisha!
    My goodness it seems like so much to deal with but I just bet you can! Like someone else said just one step at a time. I suppose you have no idea what your game plan will be yet but once you do I think that will help you gather the strength to move on with it. I will be praying for you and sending good thoughts. You are right, this is a safe place to lay all of your cards out. Find a spot where you can grab some peace,take a few deep breaths and then fight like hell! Mary

    Baby steps
    Hi Mary,
    My goofy husband calls it Baby Steps, from the movie "What About Bob". LOL. No real plan as of yet. Have the paperwork for the ultrasound, but have not set a date. I think my fears are holding me back from doing that. Maybe I'll call tomorrow. I'm just so tired of Drs and exams and tests etc. It wears me down just thinking of doing one more thing. My brain tells me to call but then the fear factor sets in. I hope that it's nothing or at least nothing to difficult. I feel like I don't have enough days in the week to do everything the Drs want me to do... Sigh
    Lisha
  • dixiegirl
    dixiegirl Member Posts: 1,043 Member
    #10
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    forme said:

    Baby steps
    Hi Mary,
    My goofy husband calls it Baby Steps, from the movie "What About Bob". LOL. No real plan as of yet. Have the paperwork for the ultrasound, but have not set a date. I think my fears are holding me back from doing that. Maybe I'll call tomorrow. I'm just so tired of Drs and exams and tests etc. It wears me down just thinking of doing one more thing. My brain tells me to call but then the fear factor sets in. I hope that it's nothing or at least nothing to difficult. I feel like I don't have enough days in the week to do everything the Drs want me to do... Sigh
    Lisha

    Lisha
    Baby steps are good, as long as they are in the forward position. Baby steps backwards lead to trouble at least in my case. It's so easy to back off and say I'll do it tomorrow but seems like tomorrow can be a long way away.

    I know you don't want to, I really do. But the sooner you get it over with the sooner you can put the gloves on to fight! Now if I can only get myself to follow my own advise LOL.

    Take care and get some rest.

    Beth
  • cathyp
    cathyp Member Posts: 376 Member
    #11
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    forme said:

    Baby steps
    Hi Mary,
    My goofy husband calls it Baby Steps, from the movie "What About Bob". LOL. No real plan as of yet. Have the paperwork for the ultrasound, but have not set a date. I think my fears are holding me back from doing that. Maybe I'll call tomorrow. I'm just so tired of Drs and exams and tests etc. It wears me down just thinking of doing one more thing. My brain tells me to call but then the fear factor sets in. I hope that it's nothing or at least nothing to difficult. I feel like I don't have enough days in the week to do everything the Drs want me to do... Sigh
    Lisha

    ovarian cysts
    Two years ago, 6 months after my double mastectomy for Invasive Ductual Carcinoma, I had ovarian cysts AND an elevated CA-125. I had one ovary removed and it was benign!. After the surgery my CA-125 went higher! It remained high for 2 years with cysts coming and going on the other ovary. My CA-125 finally went down to high normal this summer and they are now watching uterine polyps! All this after 2 bouts withe HD in 1989 and 1994.

    So...what I'm trying to say, it may be nothing, hoping so for you.

    Cathy

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