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Hallways, and marathons.

Posts: 187
Joined: Apr 2010

My wife had a 3 month PET in late June 2010. The results were good, no trace of tumor in throat and only a small spot on the lung which is beneath the PET reolution. Next PET in October.

A few days ago we saw a lump on the side of her neck, so we had an ultrasound which saw "a growth like mass") and on monday next week we;re having a needle biopsy.

The oncologist met us in the hallway and said: it looks like cancer, but take it in proportion, we can always go back to Erbitux, whats the worst; youll have pimples! i believe Erbitux works for you. Now go enjoy the weekend, dont let this stop you!!"

"Enjoy the weekend"!....yea right .... . Couldn't he just have said, "lets wait and see the result of the biopsy next monday"? and THEN send us home for the weekend.
It's taken her an aesophagectomy, lung surgery, 2 partial larengectomies and four years of struggling her way through eating, clawing her way out of hospital each time, and three months of erbitux treatment which she eventually stopped because of severe reactions .Now we should go home and "enjoy the weekend" and wait till monday to find out if his message of doom is correct!

Forget his unimpressive winning example of doctor- to -needy patient communication, i'm over that now. What i cant understand is that the last PET Wwas "clean" and two weeks ago "we" had a check up ENT+ Ecology together and they felt around and felt nothing there.

I am just angry and my wife exhausted.The never ending marathon. I am filled with doubt whether i should be posting this somewhat self indulging juvenile reaction. Tomorrow ill get back to being mature again. Sorry so negative.


Posts: 1846
Joined: Aug 2010

This is a safe and good place to let it go.

You are right: you will get back to "fighting mode".

I'm so sorry you and your wife are going through this. I am so glad she has you.

Prayers and good thoughts.

MarineE5's picture
Posts: 907
Joined: Dec 2005


Sound off and vent all you want, that is why we are here. Better you punch the key board then the wall or even worse take out your frustration out on your Loved ones.

The waiting period to hear any decision is terrible. We are so accustomed to instant access to information via the computer, that when we have to wait for results that are life changing, we get antsy to say the least.

My Best to Both of You and Everyone Here

luv4lacrosse's picture
Posts: 1410
Joined: Jul 2010

Could not have set it better myself. Better to act rationally in front of loved ones VS tearing up the house. "Easier said than done". That is what I love about this site, NO BS, just real people who are all going through the same thing. I feel for you, and your caring for your wife is an inspiration to me.

What is important is life, and you WILL beat this, no matter how many times you are forced to step up to the plate.

A prayer for you and your familiy from me and my family.



RushFan's picture
Posts: 223
Joined: Aug 2010

Not negative to me, but legit. Sometimes I think the docs are so accustomed to dispensing information clinically, that they forget the history of the patient. Whether patient or caregiver...a little compassion, and I mean a little, goes a long long way.

So far, my onc surgeon has been great...a simple hand on my knee or shoulder during our conversations is all it takes. I almost look forward to meeting with her, which I will do this coming Monday. Second CT scan coming up...

Thanks for the post to remind us all that this is serious and sensitive stuff...

All the best regarding the results,

dogsrule's picture
Posts: 96
Joined: Apr 2010

That doctor needs another lesson in bedside manner. That was wrong. He could have done exactly what you said and just waited for the biopsy to come back. Unbelievable!!

susan0803's picture
Posts: 90
Joined: Aug 2010

sometimes i wonder if doctors get training in how to be insensitive. maybe they do so they can be de-sensitised and so they can perform their jobs better without getting too emmotional/involved?

i don't know. all i know is i feel sometimes like i'm going to drown, and we've just started to approach the tunnel.

i do hope your wife is ok and the lump is nothing of concern.


delnative's picture
Posts: 450
Joined: Aug 2009

The doc certainly could have phrased it better.
That said, I want "just the facts, ma'am." I want the hard, cold truth. I don't want a hand on the knee, expressions of sympathy or a bedside manner. I want information. But that's probably just because I've been a newsman for so long that I'm geared that way. Give me the information and I'll take it from there.
In any event, this is just the place to vent. Keep us informed.

--Jim in Delaware

charles55's picture
Posts: 87
Joined: Aug 2010

I suppose you can't deal with what you don't know. That applies to you with the upcoming biopsy information, and it applies to that insensitive doctor. He doesn't understand what you are feeling and so he can't help you deal with it. For a guy that makes his living practicing oncology medicine, that is pretty sad. Clear, I don't know what kind of raincoat you can put on to let this slide off your back for a while, but I hope you can find it. Please find some way to not let the anxiety consume you. I will pray you can find some peace until you do know what you are up against.

Pam M's picture
Pam M
Posts: 2196
Joined: Nov 2009

I think your reaction is perfectly reasonable. It seems bizarre that your wife had a clean PET a little over two months ago, and gets this "growth like mass" this quickly. I'm really hoping it's just enlarged because it's fighting some sort of low level infection. Sorry your doc has the personality of a rock, apparently. Hoping that means he's so focused on the medicine, he's not aware of the way he comes across.

fisrpotpe's picture
Posts: 1349
Joined: Aug 2010

I know it is hard but wait for the biopsy results. 26 months ago 6 doctors while scoping me thought for certain my cancer has resurfaced.

After biopsy's the results showed infection.

I also would share with your doctor your concerns with his hallway chat session.

Patiently wait for the biopsy results.

What? So What! Now What?

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