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This is the mood that I woke up this morning with

bea-mil's picture
bea-mil
Posts: 110
Joined: Jun 2010

I don’t thing life is about how long we’ll live, but how we live; this beautiful journey that starts when we are born. I think we are never ready for death... There will be always something new to experience. Our child wedding, our grandchild first communion, our.....who knows what, just another spring to see?

Why we are worry about what we’ll miss instead of enjoying what we are living through now? When I was first diagnosed with cancer 10 years ago I thought “I’m so young (I was 39 then) why now? I asked God if I would be at least 49 that will make a difference, I would be probably more ‘ready’ to die”. Here I am 49 years young, 10 years passed by and I don’t even remember what happened. I mean I remember facts, but I don’t remember emotions and feelings related to those facts....and I just realized that I wasn’t really enjoying those moments. I was there but my mind was somewhere in the future. We are mortal, but we act like we will live forever. We are living in the future, planning our next vacation – not enjoying a blue sky and wind on our face today on our way to work. We are always ready to do things later, tomorrow; tomorrow I’ll buy this dress, tomorrow I’ll see this movie, tomorrow I’ll start this diet, tomorrow I’ll start to exercise, tomorrow ..... What about today? We live now in this moment.

This is my biggest lesson that I’ve got “thanks to my cancer”. I’ve learned how to enjoy life, how to ‘taste’ every moment of it, every day. Today is beautiful day, it rains, and the grass is so green, and the air is so fresh. I feel joy, I feel love, and I feel peace.

Tomorrow may not come, but today is still present.
Tomorrow may not come not only for a cancer patient but also for a healthy young boy driving too fast on his motorcycle...but tomorrow is not important for him, important is this moment, can you feel his joy when the wind is blowing through his hair?

... We are more aware of our mortality than our life, and this awareness brings us fear about the future ...we shouldn’t be scared what tomorrow will bring, we should enjoy the present. We should take advantage of this awareness and enjoy every moment of our life because one day ...tomorrow won’t come.

Thanks to my awareness of mortality I can enjoy my cup of green tea today with such a pleasure...it is not about tomorrow it is about today. Today I'm young and healthy.
Life is not about numbers, 39, 49, 59, 69, so on, so on, who knows when to stop; REAL LIFE is timeless, real life is the joy, and happiness and the LOVE that we fell NOW.
I’m happy now.

This is the philosophical mood that I woke up this morning with.
Have a beautiful Sunday Girls.

llight
Posts: 99
Joined: Feb 2010

Bea,

Thanks for sharing this. It is so true. It's easy to get caught up in "the future" and I have to stop myself and remind myself of this philosophy which I, too, have realized. For me it gets hard because I am still highly limited by the post-chemo side effects. But I try and get out when I can and inhale the fresh air, look at a mountain, a tree, or an animal and rejoice in their "aliveness."

Thanks for the reminder.

daisy366's picture
daisy366
Posts: 1493
Joined: Mar 2009

Bea-Mil, I think you should publish this. It touched me deeply. Well said. Funny how cancer can give us some gifts - like you mentioned - along the way!!

Wishing you many Blessings and joy. Mary Ann

jazzy1's picture
jazzy1
Posts: 1385
Joined: Mar 2010

This is what I needed today as I've been in the mind set thinking of my cancer and how I'll be when it reoccurs....crazy! I'm usually such a very positive thinking person, that reminds me that I'm human, and as many others, tend to go down hill at times. Your beautiful thoughts written here have brought me back up to my former self. I realize life is short and we must always enjoy each and every moment of each and every day, as if it were our last!!!!

The world is fast-paced and it can grab us off into another zone. I was in that other zone and now realizing life is a gift and I must make the most of every "beautiful" moment.

Blessings to you,
Jan

P.S. I've printed this off and reading it to my therapy group of girls (all have some form of cancer) tomorrow.....thanks~

Ro10's picture
Ro10
Posts: 1579
Joined: Jan 2009

I try to live by those thoughts, because nobody is guaranteed tomorrow. I try to make the most of today. Great advice for all of us. Thanks for sharing. In peace and caring.

nempark
Posts: 683
Joined: Apr 2010

Just lovely and you are so right about the age thing. When I was diagnosed in October, 2009 I was 59 and I thought exactly the same as you did. I was not ready to die at 59 maybe at 69 I would be more ready. Just let us enjoy each day as you said and love love love each other. Good health to all of you. june

bea-mil's picture
bea-mil
Posts: 110
Joined: Jun 2010

I’m happy that my “mood” had such positive response.
The biggest joy is to a give a joy to others.
You made me happy.
Thank you

CaCowgirl
Posts: 27
Joined: May 2010

Reading this today was a gift-thank you so much. I,too have struggled w/ always thinking of tomorrow & not always being available to the present. I'm doing better & feeling more thankful for the little bits of joy in each day. None of us are guaranteed a tomorrow, but the Cancer diagnosis seems to stop us in our tracks & make us realize our mortality. I continue to reach out to my friends & neighbors & try to help them through the rough spots in their lives-this makes me feel more alive & purposeful. Best wishes to all of us working through this tough journey.

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