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Mortality as I see it...........

Buzzard's picture
Buzzard
Posts: 3073
Joined: Aug 2008

******I ask myself this question this morning "Why would I want to live on this earth forever"...
****** I think I ask myself this to ready myself for the inevitable someday, in about 41 years, so I can live up to my promise made. Why should I think about mortality issues anymore now than I should have 10 years ago or 10 years from now ? It is a fact that everyone will eventually leave this earth and where they end up...well, is their own business and I'll leave that for the individual to decide for themselves what will happen...But for me, I had always put off the thought of mortality just like smoking when I smoked, and drinking when I drank. Never worried about it, its not gonna happen for a longgg time so why should I worry about it now......Well. its now !!! and now mortality has hit home, through a lot of miserable afternoon sessions with the trash can I summized this. That yes, mortality is inevitable and one never knows when or how so when we ask our self, why am I scared? Its because we are getting the "mortality slap in the face" and instead of engaging the situation with calmness and adapting to things that will eventually surmise we opt to place it in the subconscious where to hide it until one day it is instantly set free to wreak havoc on our friends, family, and loved ones. I spoke with my children about mortality and issues in life that sometimes happen and I think that since beginning to adjust them to very slow bits and pieces about how that all of us will leave this earth someday that they have come to realize that in a long term learning curve they have actually accepted that we leave this earth at different times for different reasons and that it is to be ok to feel sad when someone you love passes away, but it should also make them feel good to know that the person that passes has left them with memories to enjoy for the rest of their lives and that they too want to have those memories passed on from loved one to loved one, so that their remembrance never fades.
But alas, the beauty of longevity that we all crave is never long enough, for we are like the child that has never been taught the mortality issues at a young age, so for the most part, liken to let things go merrily by until we are faced with a decision to be mostly immediately made and not liking any of the choices. We haven't taken the time to learn that life will end for all on this earth sooner or later and to slowly ready for it makes it an easier journey to make...for all involved...My calmness in all this, has allowed my wife to be more controlled of her emotion, which plays a direct chord to the way the kids act. It allows my wife to know that everything she does is more than enough so she will be content as possible. It allows my children to have a happy childhood, and me along with them and with the most minor disturbance possible if should anything go awry during treatment or surgery. I tell them how special they are to me and also that they make me so proud of how each one is so individually smart as well as comical, and how each has their own special place in my heart...I am building memories, memories I should have started building a long time ago with them. But its never to late...as long as the mortality issue is surfaced and faced with calm and serene speech and meaningful they get it, they really do, and it seems to open them up to be ok with what might happen, and someday will happen to all of us. I see no reason to go into great detail with loved ones about mortality issues unless you want to assure that the intent is to lessen the fall for loved ones if and when it happens. I think the talks with my family being calm and loving at the same time while talking about mortality has helped me as well grow to be as comfortable about death as my family is...If Im not ok then no one in my family is...so I have to be truthfully ok..I am comfortable with my issues and am not the least bit afraid of death anymore, and my family knows that it could possibly happen but not likely right now, but I have consoled both myself in talking as well as my loved ones and the issue of dying, for me, is not an issue any more.
I love you all and to be surprised that someday you may pass away from here might not be as dreadful as you think if you start talking about mortality issues in small doses. For those who know me, they know that I normally speak whats on my mind, and for those who have just joined, Im not crazy, Im just learning how to allow this disease to live with me the easiest way possible, without allowing it to interfere with my quality of life and the quality of my families life, and the sooner that mortality is a word that is openly discussed with your loved ones the sooner life will be better for all.....My discussions are complete with my family unless they have other questions that I answer with limited wording...They know I am happy so they are...and now my life with cancer is simply another task for me to do...no big deal anymore........

Sorry for the ramble but it helped me become comfortable with my status, I am hopeful that it might help someone else. If it does then this novel was well worth it........

I love you all.......Buzz

kathybd
Posts: 126
Joined: Jul 2009

My husband has Stage 4 colon cancer in liver and lungs. I read your thoughts with great interest and surprisingly..calmness. I to have experienced a cancer diagnosis while my husband was going through his surgeries. Fortunately, I am stage 1; but then you never really know how safe you are from this disease. Again, thank you for taking the time to write your thoughts. They helped me immensely!
Best, Kathy

eric38's picture
eric38
Posts: 588
Joined: May 2009

Thank you for your words of wisdom. You are a rock. You know how how to balance this disease with the great little nuggets of wisdom and the right amount of humor.

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4912
Joined: May 2005

This quote is from that book. I really like the quote and enjoyed the book.
"The truth is, once you learn how to die, you learn how to live."
~ Mitch Albom

Buzzard's picture
Buzzard
Posts: 3073
Joined: Aug 2008

Thanks buddy......

Buzzard's picture
Buzzard
Posts: 3073
Joined: Aug 2008

I just read a summary of it.....am going in a few minutes to get it....it has to be a great read......again, thnx....Buzz

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5065
Joined: Feb 2008

That's a beautiful book. I loved it!

*hugs*
Gail

AnneCan
Posts: 3692
Joined: Oct 2009

I think I need to re-read this book; I read it years before my diagnosis. I love the quote.

kathybd
Posts: 126
Joined: Jul 2009

Movie...whatever.

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

is a different one....and mine, well, if I find myself saying "Well, someday I will...." then I question how important the thing is to me...because, just like most survivors of life threatening diseases, I know that my 'someday' may never come...

Thank you, Buzz, for your thoughtful words. I wish that everyone, regardless of their health issues (or no issues at all) would learn the calmness that you share...it makes saying that last 'Goodbye' a bit easier!

Hugs, Kathi

Kathleen808's picture
Kathleen808
Posts: 2361
Joined: Jan 2009

Buzz,
Those are good words. Thanks for sharing your wisdom.

Phil, great quote from a great book.

Aloha,
Kathleen

Mathtutor234
Posts: 16
Joined: Jun 2010

Hi,
I derived a mathematical formula which I believe models the afterlife. I don't know if it will be of help or comfort, but I'll copy and paste the lesson plan:

This is a lesson plan to strech our conceptions of numbers. Everyone 'knows' that finite numbers do not have infinity as a factor. But the following geometric progression shows otherwise.
All integers except for -1, 0, and 1 have an infinite number of infinities as factors of themselves.

n=(n+1)(Sn) where Sn=1/n to the zero power -1/n to the first power+1/n to the second power-1/n to the third power...+1/n to the infinity power. So here is one factor of infinity in integers.

Now we can multiply the first side of the above equation by (n+1) and multiply the second side by the equivalent expression of (n+2)(Sn+1) and obtain:

n=(n+2)(Sn)(Sn+1)
We can continue and by this method find the generalized equation of:

n=(n+z)(Sn)(Sn+1)(Sn+2)...(Sz-1)

and we have an infinite number of infinite factors.

We are mortal (finite) and perhaps also have infinity as a part of ourselves. The integers -1, 0, and 1 do not have an infinite number of infinites as 'factors' of themselves and could be viewed as representing hell, purgatory, and heaven. All other integers do have an infinite number of infinites as part of themselves and could be viewed as representing the more generalized afterlife such as spirits wandering around. These equations have a value that is ever decreasing and at very long times comes incredibly close to equaling zero (1/infinity is just almost equal to zero, but never exactly zero). Of course, the existence of a mathematical model does not prove the existence of the thing it models, but it does, in my opinion, prove that it could exist.

Or, possibly of more comfort, my grandfather found peace after having a vivid dream where he was a cowboy in heaven. He told us that after that dream he wasn't afraid to die.

Aud's picture
Aud
Posts: 480
Joined: Oct 2009

I read your post as I get ready to leave for work and do not have the adequate time to respond fully but I will say this. Insightful and beautiful. And so glad to have you here to share with us.
love to you too.
~Audrey

Kerry S's picture
Kerry S
Posts: 607
Joined: Dec 2009

Thanks my friend, that was a big help to me. You are a damn good wordsmith.

Kerry

Lovekitties's picture
Lovekitties
Posts: 3372
Joined: Jan 2010

I have often heard it said of young people that they think they will live forever and therefore many are fearless in the things they do.

There are so many things which we put off, because we don't see the end of the line yet.

I am glad you are addressing the issue of mortality in your family, not because of your cancer, but because it is something we should all do. My children are grown and I have no spouse, so when I was preparing for my surgery in March, it occurred to me that if something should happen my children would have no idea about my financial affairs or about those few objects which I own which might have some special meaning. I put together a binder of everything I could think of. Now I know that when I take my last breath, they at least won't have to wonder where to start.

The uncertainty of just how much time we have is what makes people fearful, particularly when there has been a major illness thrown into the mix. However, if we live every day to its fullest, and make sure our loved ones know how special they are to us, we have done good.

May there be many days left for each of us, and peace after for our loved ones.

Marie who loves kitties

momma g
Posts: 6
Joined: Mar 2010

Thank you from the bottom of my heart, your post leaves me with a sense of calm and better understanding. I have never posted anything, only reading for months. My husband has stage 4 cc with many complications, and I've found this board very helpful. Thank you.

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6730
Joined: Feb 2009

Thank you for your post. Always inspirational.

Kim

amcp
Posts: 251
Joined: Jan 2009

You words give comfort, inspiration and peace to a difficult discussing we all have to face in our lifetime. Thanks for being such a great help to me and to others on this board. You always put things in a way that is so easy to understand. Love you and keeping you always in my thoughts and prayes.
anna

luv3jay's picture
luv3jay
Posts: 534
Joined: May 2009

Thank you, buzz. Just for being you.

Sheri

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5065
Joined: Feb 2008

Buzz,

Your words are always worth it. I'll definitely spend the time reading your thoughts. Praying for lots more time for you.

*hugs*
Gail

jams67's picture
jams67
Posts: 927
Joined: May 2006

Buzz,
When I felt like I may not live until tomorrow, I finally realized the significance of "Thy will be done". It really wasn't up to me, and I could be run over by a truck at any time. Always need to be ready.
When my mother passed away last year, I had to clean up her house and get it ready to sell. I told myself then, that I really needed to clean house and get rid of things that I don't really need and my kids don't want. Have I done that? No! Guess I'm just lazy, but it would help those who come after us, if we have our things cleaned up and finances in good shape.
Jo Ann

christinecarl's picture
christinecarl
Posts: 545
Joined: Sep 2009

Thanks for posting that, I appreciate your zen approach to the unthinkable. I think cancer is in a lot of ways harder for the ones we leave behind. Mostly because our pain ends but theirs goes on until we meet them again on the other side.

41 more years to go

herdizziness's picture
herdizziness
Posts: 3642
Joined: Apr 2010

I thought about it, mortality, and well, I'm guessing I'm just not ready to die yet. I might not have the choice however, the way the cards fall, is how they fall.
I watched the new show I think it's called "The C word" or something to that effect.
Wow, I don't feel invincible like she does, I went to Great America yesterday and rode scary high rides. I'm scared of heights, and guess what, contrary to what I thought, I'm still scared of them.
I'm not 80 years old feeling like I've lived my life to it's fullest. For Pete's sake, I'm 51, I've got a lot of living left.
My Mother is 89 this past June, she's ready to go, life's pains have gotten to her. I believe that the Great Spirit readies us for life's end, like my mother, your aches and pains become too much to bear. I don't want her to go, I never want to lose her, but in the end, in the scheme of things, she will go, I can't stop it.
I just think I'm not ready to go yet. Yes, I'm prepared for it, got my ducks in a row, but am I ready? NOPE!!! Don't want to go, don't want to say goodbye. I plan on living a long time, whether the world is ready for that or not.
Winter Marie

zenmonk
Posts: 198
Joined: Nov 2009

Certainly got me thinking. thanks.

lesvanb's picture
lesvanb
Posts: 911
Joined: May 2008

Yes this thought has come for me too

"That yes, mortality is inevitable and one never knows when or how so when we ask our self, why am I scared?"

It can be quite a relief to know I don't have to worry about it.

all the best, Leslie

sharpy102's picture
sharpy102
Posts: 371
Joined: Apr 2009

Thanks Buzz for your long input...well...*sigh* You are amazing...see, I do catch myself thinking sometimes "I wish someone have told me, someone have prepared me that life DOES end"...yes, I am still very bitter about this issue! I still feel that I've been betrayed...or belied..defeated...or I dunno...but I feel that no one told me that life is about losing people...that sometimes it comes sooner than you expect it. I know it is not going to be easy for your family when your time comes, but sure it is awesome that you are open about mortality, and talk with them (every one of them)...maybe it will help them...I cannot tell. But I can tell what it is like when you were "not prepared" at all...and although I am proud of you about how you view things, and your life, but...don't be eager to bring it closer either. :) You have to be around here for a LOOOOONG while! :) We need you here! :)
Please take care of yourself!
- Sophie

Buzzard's picture
Buzzard
Posts: 3073
Joined: Aug 2008

I have just posted this for aid in adjusting to the reality of it all instead of worrying about something that could happen....I will leave this place scratching and clawing and I have no intentions of going anywhere for a longgg time. I just wanted to allow others (my family included) know the realities of this disease and life in general and to get the "heebie jeebies" out of talking about it. Its not meant to be a morbid post, just one to give another angle at what seems to be lifes greatest upset, and how if you have your "ducks in a row" its a little easier for most to handle. I'll be around for a long time, cause I gotta watch you grow old as well... :)...Love to you young lady, hang in there, I certainly will.......Clift (Buzz)

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