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free time stress time

forme's picture
forme
Posts: 1162
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi, just thought I would express myself. My daughter and two granddaughters just left. Now it is quiet with just me and my husband. How do you keep the stress and worry away at the quiet times.I really don't sleep well these days, mostly stay up very late, 1 or 2 in the am. My brain starts to think and then I get tense. Any tricks for calming the brain. I hope that tomorrow brings me closer to an app at the cancer center. Any one know of a good Dr at Stanford Cancer Center. They are supposed to call me tomorrow, but if I don't hear from them by noon, I'll call them again. I really need to get the ball rolling on the Pet scan and or whatever would be next. Not knowing is really really hard. All my symptoms keep adding up. I hope all of you have a positive week ahead. Hang in there.

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3184
Joined: Jul 2010

Hi...I wish I had some good tricks to help ease your mind, but I really can't think of any that actually work. I am still trying to find a few for myself. My testing is done and now I'm watching and waiting. Even though I know so much more now than a month ago, my mind still goes in a million different directions alot of the time. My worst time is at night after my hubby has gone to bed. The house is quiet, the kids have all checked in and you would think I'd be at peace, but I'm not. I check in on this site two or three times a night before I finally shut my computer down. I know exactly how you are feeling and yes...the waiting is very stressful. I've been reading alot on the other CSN discussion boards and that seems to help with taking my mind off of my own worries. There are so many other folks going through what we are going through and I find myself thinking about them instead of myself. You might want to try this and see if it helps ease your worries. Feel free to e-mail me anytime you need to talk. Stay strong and know you are not alone.
Love...Sue
reidst@charter.net

forme's picture
forme
Posts: 1162
Joined: Aug 2010

House is quiet , husband is asleep, and I am a whirl of activity ( all in my brain ). I know that I need to get answers and want them now. Of course that is not going to be the case tonight. I hope that this week will get me started. At this point I am still searching for a Dr. I think that the center will call tomorrow with a lead/app for me.
You sound alot like me. I too have been reading alot of other discussions, hoping to keep my mind less chaotic. I am so glad to have found this site. It feels like a lifeline reaching out when I am sinking.
Thanks so much.
Lisha

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3184
Joined: Jul 2010

Hi Lisha...
I don't know what your family consists of, but with me, I have 7 sisters spread out all across the mid-west.I have one sister in particular who
lives in California..(Livermore)..who always has a way of taking my mind off of whats going on with me. Reason being... she has such a crazy life that one can't help but get distracted. I can listen to her and totally forget I have cancer and sometimes even feel grateful for having it because it feels like me having cancer still isn't as crazy as her life without having it...ha! One night when I was totally freaking out and couldn't sleep I called every sister..(all 7)..and told them I was freaking out and needed to talk. Now mind you they all live in the mid-west with a 2 hour time difference and I called them around 1:00 a.m my time...(Pacific). That puts them at 3:00 a.m. being woke up out of a sound sleep. By the time I finished bugging all of them and listening to what they had to say I was finally able to go to sleep...ha! Since then, each one of my sisters now call me on a regular basis, usually late at night...(my time) just to see if I am sleeping or needing someone to talk with. I can't count the times the phone will ring at mid-night now and it will be one of them and it's like a God-send being able to talk. Nine times out of ten those calls are what get me to be able to sleep and move on to the next day. Just thought I'd share this as it is one little trick I didn't pass on to you. Having so many sisters has helped me alot!
Love...Sue

COBRA666's picture
COBRA666
Posts: 2413
Joined: May 2010

Forme,
I know exactly what you are going thru. I did that for a month. The anticipation of the unknown has a way of beating you down. I know even though you have people around you that you still feel like the most lonely person in the world. Your mind races one minute and the next it seems to calm a little. I think that is because you feel what ever is ahead is going to be the unknown and you don't know how you are going to deal with it. I know because when I look back and remember those feelings and thats what was going thru my head. I wasn't aware of it at the time because I was so confused about what was going on inside my body. I really couldn't find anything to calm me down on the inside for any lenght of time. I found my mind drifting all the time. It wasn't until after my diagnosis that I could finally start to sort things out. I knew then it was one day at a time and I had a long row to hoe. Of course when I heard my diagnosis it hit me hard as well. Thats when it really hits you and you feel like you are totally alone. The word cancer can tear your world apart. I believe thats what you are feeling silently now. If and I mean if you are diagnosed with nhl then you have to remember it is a disease that is treatable. I could say just put it out of your mind until you are checked out,but that will not work because your mind already has those thoughts. The only thing that will help is some sort of diagnosis and that should be coming shortly. Everyone on this site has had the same experience you are going thru and it is not easy. We all feel for you and know what you are going thru. I still worry about it too. You can see what time it is and I should be asleep. I know I wasn't much help with your fears and restlessness,but just wanted you to know you are not really alone even though you feel you are right now. John

forme's picture
forme
Posts: 1162
Joined: Aug 2010

Wow John, you really said it. I am finding that by reaching out to all of you, I feel a little calmer. Hopefully tomorrow will bring me a place to start.
Did I read that you are on the east coast, do try and get some rest, your body will thank you.
Thanks so much...

COBRA666's picture
COBRA666
Posts: 2413
Joined: May 2010

Lisha,
I am sure you will feel better when you find out what is going on. If your find out it is nhl then your mind will go into warp speed for a little while I am sure. Just keep in mind that it is treatable and you have the people on here to help you. We don't know what is actually going on right now and I am no dr., but something is not the way it should be. You know that already. The main thing is find out what it is. Your mind will really race going to the dr. So take somebody with you that can help you remember what is being said. Your mind is running so rapid now you will not be able to remember a lot. It is good to have questions written down that you want to ask. When you leave the drs. office you will think of a thousand more you should have asked. John

dixiegirl's picture
dixiegirl
Posts: 1043
Joined: Apr 2006

I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time, but everyone is right in saying your mind is in a tailspin. It's almost impossible to control at times. Here is a short list of some of the things I tried.
1. CSN Chat room
2. Discussion Boards
3. A new craft that takes ALL your attention (if only for a bit)
4. Relaxation CD's ....deep breathing especially
5. Hot bubble baths
6. Prayer (I broke down and asked for just a few moments of peace at a time)
7. Re-arranging my house
8. Garden work (digging in the dirt seems to calm me for some reason)
9. Reading (Murder Mysteries, Vampires, Werewolves, Supernatural and wierd)...nothing informative about cancer.

I wish you the best of luck and sending prayers and good thoughts to you! Deep Breaths. Deep Breaths.

Take care,
Beth

truckingalong
Posts: 444
Joined: Aug 2010

Thank you all dear for your comments. That is real helpful to know that I am not nutty staying up late. By now my hubby is used to have light on and me typing when he went to sleep! Along with all your tips, I also find playing solitaire helps a lot.

I just got home after taking PET and CAT scans - feeling exhausted and wondering what my new oncologist will say to me this Thursday about which stage of HL I am on. I got advice from my favorite physical therapist who has also HL that I should check around for good drs and cancer clinic such as the Cleveland Clinic or Philadelphia clinic, or Sibley Hospital in DC, etc. I m in DC area so if you have any good recommendations or share your experiences about such I would greatly appreciate that. I also understand that you can fly to some clinic far away to get good treatments. Have no idea about this either - hmmmm, this makes me wonder how much I will miss work. I am more tired everyday and am not gaining weight - Yes, I ll have to wait till Thurs. to get more answers. Sigh...
My prayers go to all of you.

Liz

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3184
Joined: Jul 2010

Hi Liz,
I live in the Pacific Northwest..Yakima Washington, so I can't help you with cancer centers in your area. In Seattle there is a huge cancer facility where people come from all over the country for treatment. It's called the The Fred Hutchison Cancer Research Center. I could go there if I wanted, but have chosen to stay close to home when I start treatment. Mainly because to get to Seattle I would have to commute across a mountain pass which closes frequently due to snow fall and what not. Plus I would have to find a place to spend the night after treaments which could get very costly. We have a good cancer clinic right here in Yakima and as long as I get good care I will stick it out here. You should be able to search for cancer centers close to you on the net. I will keep good thoughts for you while you wait for your test results. Dang waiting is soooo stressful! I'm waiting to see where my cancer is going next...right now I'm stage 3...groin...stomach and neck. Always wondering...is the bone next or a vital organ??? Thank goodness for this group...huh? Take care...
Love...Sue

jerzpilot's picture
jerzpilot
Posts: 39
Joined: Nov 2009

I was dx with FNHL stage IV B and before the dx my life was pretty fun and exciting. Now that I am going through R-CHOP I am restricted pretty much into staying inside the house so it's pretty much boring. However I keep my mind busy with books, videos games :) a dog and a bird; so find something that you enjoy doing or try a new hobby to keep your mind busy. Wish you the best, God bless.

Edwin

truckingalong
Posts: 444
Joined: Aug 2010

Thanks, Edwin for the good wishes. I feel like I have 2 lives now - focus on work and keep up my energy and on the other hand, take care of myself - nuture myself to get my energy up again. Yeah, I am learning my way around HL! Nice to know I can try new hobbies with treatment! Two more days to go to find out what stage I am in and what kind of treatment I will get - this feels like 2 years to wait!

Liz

merrywinner's picture
merrywinner
Posts: 627
Joined: Aug 2009

How is it going? I hope well enough. Sending good thoughts and prayers your way. Mary

onlytoday's picture
onlytoday
Posts: 603
Joined: Jun 2010

To add to the list of things to do during this stressful time: (not in any particular order)

1. Meditation and prayer
2. Light gardening
3. I am creating a room, just for me. (In a spare bedroom) To meditate, do yoga or just be. Comfy chair, cd player, nice comforting colors, and a small water fall feature in the corner. :)
4. Crocheting
5. Accepting the love and good wishes of family, friends, co-workers, and acquaintances
6. Reading and crocheting
7. Time with family
8. Less work and more relaxation
9. Doing something for someone else
10. Sharing and recieving from discussion boards and chat rooms like CSN!

The best to all of you. I have had so many low times during this process and am just on the cusp of starting treatment. Should be Rituxen or Rituxen w/chemo. Will find out next week. This has been the longest summer of my life and one hightlight has been this sight. Whether you were reaching out to me or to eachother it has been and will continue to be a great comfort. There is NOTHING like sharing with those whom have walked in your shoes. Love you all!!

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