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Posts: 214
Joined: Jul 2009

Hi all I am now cancer free,so far, but my life has changed radically in other ways.Some days i wish I never had a PSA test and just lived blissfully with no ED or the rest.

Feeling sorry for myself but I dont think Im alone with these thoughs.

Prayers to all and beat cancer and the after effects

Nick age 53

Posts: 931
Joined: Jan 2010

I am with you NM in those sentiments. If I had known what was coming after surgery I doubt I would have agreed to any of this. right now there is no sign of cancer in me but the plumbing is destroyed and I often ask myself, "what kind of life is this?" I am a man of faith and have a close walk with Jesus. So why go through this? I guess all that is in the next chapter still being written.

I am also an avid backpacker. sometimes a creative backpacker can get into interesting situations and one one can do then is say, "OK, here I am now, what do I need to do to get out of this?" And then do the best you can from that moment on.

We just go on from here and see what happens now.

And then you read the post "Bone Mets" and think, just maybe I"m on the right course......?

2ndBase's picture
Posts: 220
Joined: Mar 2004

Though I chose to have very little treatment as to what was available I have been fortunate to survive such a long time with my cancer. I choose so little because I read about the side effects and believed every word. My radiation and hormone shot led to ED of course but I was willing to go there. I think I would have survived just as long without it now but can not be sure. The cancer had already spread when I got my first psa test of my life. As stated numerous times, getting the stress out of my life, made a big difference. Having the support of my wife was of the upmost importance. She took over and I got out of the way.

I believe that if you know the cancer has spread outside the prostate then the only question is what quality of life and how much you want to spend are the issue. My employer let me go when I told him I had terminal cancer so he could get me off the company plan. I had no insurance for 3.5 years and a 7 dollar/hr job after getting dissmissed form the 22 dollar job. Filed bankruptcy and spent my retirement money to get to today.

Hopefully you do not have to lose your job or go through what I did. My quality of life, despite the lack of money to just take off and go anywhere, is tremendous and I have never been happier in my life.

Hospice care is about the easiest decision I've ever had to make. My oncologist started spewing a list of further treatments to try to slow the cancer down and my head started to spin. He implied that I might gain 4 months of life or that the treatment itself would kill me. Not much of a choice really.

Posts: 795
Joined: Jan 2010

Peace to you 2ndBase....I believe you are right with the Hospice care decision. This beast forced me (like many others) to accepted our mortality and once you come to terms with that then my question would be why spend a bunch of money to sustain life (maybe) for another 4 months… At the present my PSA’s have been 0 but you never know what the next test brings. I had been unemployed since mid 2008 and was diagnosed with PCa in Dec 09 and I am still unemployed and it sure would be nice to have a job but the funny thing I feel blessed in so many ways… My wife has been and is a “trooper” in my journey and this has made many things easier to accept and place into perspective…

Best to all

Posts: 169
Joined: Dec 2009

That is the hardest part of PCa - because there is no definitive cure, we all get a lifetime of opportunities to worry about PSA tests and second-guess our choice.

I try not to do that, as it accomplishes nothing positive, but I also went from no symptoms at all to cancer survivor in a matter of weeks due to an accidental add-on blood test. A slow-motion version of getting hit by a truck.

But then, I think we all fall prey to it. The good news is that we recognize it, and then go on.

Peter51's picture
Posts: 29
Joined: Nov 2004

Hello Nick,

You have every reason to feel sorry for yourself. First you get diagnosed with a deadly disease than your life is changed forever from your treatment. Despite all the after effects, ED and maybe incontinence, you are hopefully now cancer free. This is certainly a time of reflection. My children are young and are not aware of the post surgery challenges I have faced. I am glad that I chose surgery to give myself the best chance of being here for them. I am now divorced and establishing a relationship with a wonderful woman who is very understanding of my physical changes from surgery. She is also glad I am here to share time in her life. I feel the same about her. The ED is a constant battle but I understand that my life would have been cut short. I also realize that by now, almost six years out, I would probably be suffering from the horrible effects of a spreading cancer. It breaks my heart to read about all the suffering that is published here. We have to remind ourselves that although we are changed, life is still a great gift and we are here to enjoy more of it in a healthier state. Yes, ED stinks but advanced prostate cancer is worse. It is OK to feel sorry for yourself. It is just as important to remember why you got treatment in the first place. Good luck to you.


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