Mostly Read Now
I am at the place where what the cancer is doing doesn't really matter to much anymore. I am now at the place where I am happy to have not too much pain, to enjoy the day, to be able to do a few things still and the biggest thing is to Share my faith with others. That God will get you through it, even on the days where you feel like you made a trip to hell ~ from the pain, nausea, fatigue, the list is long, God is near and holding you tight, what works for me is take in a deep breath ~ a deep breath of the spirit He has sent to be our helper, When I do this sometimes it brings tears, sometimes laughter, sometimes tears and laughter mixed together. Not always taking the pain away or making the cancer gone but sends someone to help with the pain, the questions, and gives me peace and hope.
I am now on avastin or trying it, my platelets are in the teens now, my hemoglobin goes up with a transfusion to slowly drop until I need another, I remain neutropenic, .8, so have to be careful about infections. Randy and I are so aware that this road we are on is now my journey home ~ but when that happens is in God's hand.
I had a Dr I had never met this last time I was so sick, try to decide for me that I was hospice. You can bet we went to the U not this local hospital. The nurses there were so encouraging and said "Bonnie you are not hospice yet ~ don't you give up!" They were wonderful ^_^ Then my regular gyn/onc said no doc can decide you are hospice only we can decide that for ourself. Of course I contacted the Hospital and did get a letter of apology ~ the admitting Dr said he was sorry we misunderstood him.. funny RAndy and I heard the same thing. In fact RAndy was furious. Oh well he'll think twice next time.
Wow, didn't mean to write quite so much :-D Just wanted to check in, let you know I am still Living Life to the Fullest. I appreciate the notes on caringbridge from those of you who come there, for emails on facebook, for all the teal power you share with each other.
Breakfast time here so this Chick from the Sticks will say adios. May God's Blessings be abundant for each of you, may you feel his light and precense even in the darkest days.
Prayers ♥ Hugs BonnieRose
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it, boy do I know this only too well. ^_^ Thanking God for carrying me through once again. Praying you all have a faith filled day ~ prayers ♥ hugs to all
Comments
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Just read your letter...
Bonnie, I just read your letter and it touched my heart tremendously. I thank you for being such an inspiration and for proclaiming God's greatness. When in the Lord's presence we can endure that which is unimaginable, knowing that our future lies within the hands of an awesome and Holy God. May God's presence continue to be your source of strength
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Dear sweet Bonnie
It was a priviledge to read your post. You have such strength you are amazing. I love the quote about "if God brings you to it then he will bring you through it". I am not relgious really but I do believe in something. I lost my mum and I believe she is with me and is looking after me so I am not scared as I know my mum is with me. I wish you much love.
Tina xx0 -
You are such an example of GRACETina Brown said:Dear sweet Bonnie
It was a priviledge to read your post. You have such strength you are amazing. I love the quote about "if God brings you to it then he will bring you through it". I am not relgious really but I do believe in something. I lost my mum and I believe she is with me and is looking after me so I am not scared as I know my mum is with me. I wish you much love.
Tina xx
To be able to read and pray and be a living example of what 'grace' truly is: that is a quality of life worth aspiring to, dear Bonnie. I know you open your eyes to the joy of each new day, whatever it brings. I honestly think you have a lot more time here on this earth, sweet girl.
Isn't this Discussion Board wonderful? The LEGACY of it is larger than many of us may have thought about. I love it that we have created this resource together and that newly diagnosed women, sleepless with the fresh diagnosis weighing so heavily on their dark night, desperately searching the internet for small light of hope, will find this place. And that a decade from now, something someone said here will provide that small flicker of hope or that small piece of information that makes this journey go better for someone else. And no one has more steadfastly offered that hope and grace here than you have, Bonnie. You don't have to post every day; your love and grace and hope are everywhere here. But we sure do love when you check in and let us know how you're doing! ((((Bonnie))))0 -
Dear Bonnielindaprocopio said:You are such an example of GRACE
To be able to read and pray and be a living example of what 'grace' truly is: that is a quality of life worth aspiring to, dear Bonnie. I know you open your eyes to the joy of each new day, whatever it brings. I honestly think you have a lot more time here on this earth, sweet girl.
Isn't this Discussion Board wonderful? The LEGACY of it is larger than many of us may have thought about. I love it that we have created this resource together and that newly diagnosed women, sleepless with the fresh diagnosis weighing so heavily on their dark night, desperately searching the internet for small light of hope, will find this place. And that a decade from now, something someone said here will provide that small flicker of hope or that small piece of information that makes this journey go better for someone else. And no one has more steadfastly offered that hope and grace here than you have, Bonnie. You don't have to post every day; your love and grace and hope are everywhere here. But we sure do love when you check in and let us know how you're doing! ((((Bonnie))))
I just want you
Dear Bonnie
I just want you to know how impactful you have been for me.I really wish to have many many posts from you.You are a symbol of love and caring.I hope everything goes the best possible way with your further treatment.
Love you
sanam0 -
You are an Inspiration
Bonnie, thank you for your post. I haven't been on here too long. I wished I had found this website sooner. I went through my first fight several years ago and then in 2008 and now in 2010. It is so helpful to know that I can look on this website and see that there are others feeling and going through exactly what I am and that I am not alone.
I have learned to live my life to the fullest and if I want to do something, I do it.
My prayers are with you.
Linda0 -
Dear Bonnie,
Ever since I
Dear Bonnie,
Ever since I found this site -- wish I'd found it sooner -- I have read and been inspired by your posts, your continuing strength to live your life, your faith. You have been and will always be a very special part of this board. Thank you for being you. You have helped so many of us .. so much.
Hugs to you, Annie0 -
Bonnie....you are our
Bonnie....you are our fearless leader. Not to minimize the good that Hospice does, but when/if that time comes, you will know. You won't need some full-of-himself doctor to tell you. I mentioned to my doctor what his associate said to me, who saw me after I was admitted for a bowel obstruction, while my own doctor was out of town. I made the mistake of asking him about the side effects of chemo. He gave me a quick run down, then said, "You have less than a fifty percent chance of living five years with this, but if you do nothing, you'll be dead in six months."
The nurses told me later that my doctor was livid.
It's not over until WE say it's over.
Carlene0 -
I love your statementHissy_Fitz said:Bonnie....you are our
Bonnie....you are our fearless leader. Not to minimize the good that Hospice does, but when/if that time comes, you will know. You won't need some full-of-himself doctor to tell you. I mentioned to my doctor what his associate said to me, who saw me after I was admitted for a bowel obstruction, while my own doctor was out of town. I made the mistake of asking him about the side effects of chemo. He gave me a quick run down, then said, "You have less than a fifty percent chance of living five years with this, but if you do nothing, you'll be dead in six months."
The nurses told me later that my doctor was livid.
It's not over until WE say it's over.
Carlene
Carlene,
I love your statement.... I would love to have a T-shirt with that on it.
"It's not over until WE say it's over."
Linda0 -
Good to hear from you, Bonnie
I've missed your postings but know that you are busy living every minute to the Glory of God. You continue to amaze me with your posts. Randy is a big support for you and I would just like to post here and now that we often don't give our caretakers enough praise and to much criticism. I know that I have been guilty of this recently. Soo .... here is to all the Randy's, Joes, Toms, Dicks, and Harrys. Thank you!
Saundra0 -
Dearest Bonnie,
When I first
Dearest Bonnie,
When I first came to this site, I was terrified and after I read the posts I felt uplifted by the overwhelming love and support of you and the other warriors here. Often I feel humbled by the amount of faith I read in the posts here. Keep on keeping on, honey! I feel sure God has more good work for you!
God Bless and Hugs,
Leesa0 -
DEAREST BONNIE
Reading your Caring Bridge journal and your post here, I am once again inspired and uplifted by your faithful spirit, your fighting spirit, and how much the Lord dwells within you and uses you. Just look at all the wonderful responses to your words. We all know it, and we all feel it. If only the whole world could see the strength and wisdom that abides in you, we could get through anything. But many don't understand the fullness of His love and the blessings that He wants to pour onto us each and every day. Some don't even know who He is. My daily prayer is that all will seek Him and find Him, and that they will give all so that He may BE all. You are truly the personification of 'Christ in You, the Hope of Glory'. And by His grace and love you are enduring and perservering in this unwelcomed and difficult journey. I am so blessed to know you, to share in your ups and downs, and to see that there is ALWAYS Hope, even in our darkest days. Have a VERY wonderful day, Bonnie. I continue to look forward to reading CaringBridge, and here. Sending prayers for continued strength, and that this 'cocktail' of treatment continues to do it's good work. ((((((HUGS))))))!!!!!!
Monika0 -
God's blessingsmopar said:DEAREST BONNIE
Reading your Caring Bridge journal and your post here, I am once again inspired and uplifted by your faithful spirit, your fighting spirit, and how much the Lord dwells within you and uses you. Just look at all the wonderful responses to your words. We all know it, and we all feel it. If only the whole world could see the strength and wisdom that abides in you, we could get through anything. But many don't understand the fullness of His love and the blessings that He wants to pour onto us each and every day. Some don't even know who He is. My daily prayer is that all will seek Him and find Him, and that they will give all so that He may BE all. You are truly the personification of 'Christ in You, the Hope of Glory'. And by His grace and love you are enduring and perservering in this unwelcomed and difficult journey. I am so blessed to know you, to share in your ups and downs, and to see that there is ALWAYS Hope, even in our darkest days. Have a VERY wonderful day, Bonnie. I continue to look forward to reading CaringBridge, and here. Sending prayers for continued strength, and that this 'cocktail' of treatment continues to do it's good work. ((((((HUGS))))))!!!!!!
Monika
Thank you everyone for the replies ~ you each continue to prove the Power and Strength and Giving Spirit every Teal Warrior has within her being. I am so blessed and honored to call each one of you my sister!
I recieved platelets on Monday and 2 units of blood yesterday .. so today it is look out dust bunnies this tortoise is on the move. :-)
God Bless You all! Prayers ♥ Hugs Bonnie
when God shines his light .... this youtube song and pictures should put make you smile ~ blessings!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qi4R2YXv_AE&feature=fvw 0 -
Peace be with you
Bonnie- I just watched the you-tube video and immediate tears and smiles. You have given me my path for today and help set me striaght to the One who always holds us. My husbands chemo is starting to take a toll on him, and I'm trying to put my 'little issue' behind me for right now- I suppose it's just tucked away in the back of my journey suitcase. We walk one day at a time with Him, but I plan many future events to keep my calendar full- no blank spaces allowed!
Anyway, our first grand-baby girl is due at Christmas, so the pictures were doubly precious along with the message. Always have been a fan of Van. Thank you for being on target for me today and know that you are on my mind greatly today as well as you other sisters. Loves muches, Ellen0 -
Bonnie!
I have kept updated with your postings on FB and Caring Bridge, but it is good to see your update here, too. I don't post too much either on CSN but do browse through!
It is good to know that you know that God is holding you in the palm of His hand He has also written our names on the palm of His hand and in the Book of Life!!!
What a wonderful husband and family you have. You are such an inspiration to me and I love you dearly, sister in Christ.
I know I may never make it to Minnesota (everytime we try something happens with this nasty cancer) but I know I will make it to Heaven!
Love you,♥
Libby☺0 -
LPack-Libbys DaughterLPack said:Bonnie!
I have kept updated with your postings on FB and Caring Bridge, but it is good to see your update here, too. I don't post too much either on CSN but do browse through!
It is good to know that you know that God is holding you in the palm of His hand He has also written our names on the palm of His hand and in the Book of Life!!!
What a wonderful husband and family you have. You are such an inspiration to me and I love you dearly, sister in Christ.
I know I may never make it to Minnesota (everytime we try something happens with this nasty cancer) but I know I will make it to Heaven!
Love you,♥
Libby☺
Bonnie, just to let you know you are an inspiration to many people as my own Mother. You are in my thoughts and prayers.... What is so ironic is that I also have met a friend via internet and she also lives in MN. Thanks for being you! You are a strong woman as well as my mom and I truely believe you have touched so many people. ((((HUGS!)))
Jessica 0 -
Bonnie,
I've been away for a
Bonnie,
I've been away for a while and I just saw your letter.
From day one that I discovered this board, you were my main inspiration and hope.
Your letter is touching, in that it reminds me to live each day to the fullest, being that
I am going through some issues as well.
Reading your letter, just helped to make my decision a simple one.
Take care, keep in touch and know that you are loved.
Sharon0
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